Monday, October 31, 2011
Growing up, we had a big trampoline in the backyard. Hours and hours were spent double-bouncing friends off the side, doing seat drops, working up to front and back handsprings and flips. Friends and I even made up routines to music - thank you, little lavender boombox from 1986. Then in high school at one of my infamous parties, I heard rumors that people were making out on the tramp(oline - ha). And a couple drunk dudes even spent the night out there. (Sorry, mom)
I do miss the trampoline era - which is why this Jump Street place sounds amazeballs. Although I will most likely stick to seat drops. If I tried a back handspring I would most definitely wind up hospitalized.
Friday, October 28, 2011
I give you...
Costume #1 (at work): Super Mario Brothers. I am Luigi, apparently. (And yes, my obsession with fake mustaches continues)
Costume #2: Run DMC. Illin'.
And costume #3: Black Swan. Although I don't think I'm going to commit to the crazytown make-up. (So will sadly just look like a black-clad ballerina. Sigh.)
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
With that said, GO RANGERS. Because in all honesty, the sooner baseball is over, the sooner college basketball is here. And that is all that really matters to me. Sorry sports fans.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
HOWEVER. Now they are on Daylight Savings Time and have freaking sprung forward, so it's a 16 hour difference. And as of November 6 when we go on Daylight Savings and fall back, it will be 17 hours. For the love of Pete. How in the hell am I supposed to remember this crap. Thank god for those time zone converter websites. Freaking other side of the world - literally.
Monday, October 24, 2011
Friday, October 21, 2011
Thursday, October 20, 2011
But these markers made me think of something ELSE awesome from the 80s...
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Unfortunately, the surveys are anonymous and all we had to go on was an IP address. But one girl I work with is a super-sleuth, and we soon came to the sobering discovery that the love note came from none other than our Shanghai office. Where they probably didn't even understand the question.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
"Why am I Still Single?" Perhaps the better question is, Why am I Still Watching??
Monday, October 17, 2011
Florida - Thanksgiving
Colorado - Christmas
Vegas - girls' weekend
Colorado - girls' ski trip
New Orleans - FINAL FOUR, BITCHES
And then possibly a trip to NC to see a game (conveniently scheduled around a work conference to get the airfare paid for) and another trip with a friend in the coming weeks. Mama needs a day off. Or five.
Only I could give myself food poisoning. Pretty impressive stuff, I have to say. Can't blame it on bad sushi or uncooked meat from the hole-in-the-wall Mexican place...nope, I get sick from a bag of freaking lettuce. Sigh. Maybe this healthy eating thing has got to go. Although I would probably get a whole OTHER kind of sick from eating chili cheese fries. Ew.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
So I'm working my little bake sale shift, and noticed the table with pies/cakes up for auction. One of them was a tiramisu, made by the Office Crush. Fancy. No one had bid anything yet, so I decided to take one for the team (who are we kidding here - it was for MYSELF. Screw the team) and placed the opening bid on his tiramisu. $20. And had to include my name and phone number. Right after I did it, I realized how embarrassing this could be. I was basically PAYING him (ok, via charitable donation) to notice me. Plus- would I have to return the lovely dish it came in and strike up some random and likely embarrassing convo? Oh the humanity.
Thank god someone bid $25 and took home the tiramisu. My head doesn't need the stress, and my waistline doesn't need the calories. So it's a win-win.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Host: Ben Affleck. Pre-veneers and tanning.
Special guest: his girlfriend, Gwyneth Paltrow (!).
Weekend Update: Colin Quinn (!!).
Sample sketch: Mango.
I guess 1998 was longer ago than I thought. Sure makes me miss the SNL cast I grew up with - Mike Myers, Dana Carvey, Chris Farley, Adam Sandler, David Spade...
"I left 'em in my other pants."
"You don't GOT no other pants."
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Monday, October 10, 2011
My thoughts thus far:
Kris Humphries is a complete douchebag. What an immature moron. Plus he looks like a neanderthal. (I know, why don't I tell you what I really think, right??)
Bruce Jenner needs to get rid of the earring, stat.
Hermes dishes? Seriously???
And finally, Rob Kardashian is a total waste of space. The only thing they have him doing is binge eating? Get a job, my man.
Alright. Now my palate is klean (see what I did there?) and I'm ready for round two. Sigh.
Friday, October 7, 2011
You can't make this stuff up! (Sometimes I wish you could.)
Thursday, October 6, 2011
But Zappos has a Chief Happiness Officer! I could sooo do that job.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
HARRY ELEFANTE (please tell me someone has heard of Harry Belefonte. If not, please disregard.)
COW BELLA (as opposed to "ciao, bella"...)
...and my personal favorite, STING RAY CHARLES. (You know, like Ray Charles? But it's a sting ray?!)
Monday, October 3, 2011
Bad news. The car isn't that smart. It's freakishly small and I'm sure eco-friendly, but it cannot solve calculus equations (neither can I), nor can it actually drive for you. I speak from experience, having almost had a head-on collision with one yesterday. Pardon me, sir - do you think because your Smart car is so small, no one else can SEE you? It's not an invisible car. You're not Wonder Woman. (I know, it was an invisible jet - but I'm on a roll.)
So you in that teensy tiny car - it may say "Smart" on the engine (or maybe not - I do not know anything about auto mechanics. BUSTED.), but you still have to actually abide by the laws of the road.
Ironically, my smart PHONE is truly smarter than me. Although after reading this blog post, that's not saying much.
And now I'm craving Smarties. Thank goodness it's Halloween candy season.
And sadly, this was the most exciting thing that happened to me this weekend. Oink.