Friday, August 31, 2012

Is it buy one get one free?

Another day, another trip to the car dealership. Yesterday ANOTHER window died, so I get to take my car in for the second time this week. Fun times. I think I'll make them check all the other windows as well while I'm there - as fun as the waiting room at Huffines is, there are actually other things I would rather be doing. Shocking, yes. At least it's not raining - that garbage bag situation was almost more than I could handle.

Thursday, August 30, 2012

You go, girls

Saw the Indigo Girls last night. They sang a bunch of old songs (including a rousing rendition of "Closer to Fine," which they had the audience stand up and sing along to), and some new ones. But coolest of all, they were backed up by the Dallas Symphony Orchestra - and a female conductor. Not sure if I missed the memo that we had a woman leading the band (I'm sure they love being called a "band") - but it was awesome. She was so tiny and cute and was obviously having a helluva time up there.

Seeing her reminded me of my secret dream: to be the first female referee in the NFL. Not that I follow the NFL very much or even know anything about refereeing besides yelling "touchdown!" and throwing in an occasional "face mask! 5 yard penalty!" Plus, the uniforms (um, typed "outfits" first) are fug. No - for me, it's more about having my voice blared throughout the stadium and on national television.

However, I will no longer be the first. Dammit. Maybe the NBA could use me.

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Disaster. Natural disaster.

Hurricane Isaac did this to my dad's neighborhood in Florida:

As it continues to pummel New Orleans, I am reminded of my own experiences with hurricanes and tornados (much more common in Texas)...

In elementary school, we would have tornado drills, which I guess were similar to the "duck and cover" drills in the 60s - basically, get in the hall and duck and cover. Never had to use it, thank goodness - but I do remember a tornado coming through Dallas when I was little. My mom made us get into the hallway, close all the doors, and watch the little black and white tv for more information. We ate breakfast for dinner (yay!) and it was really more of a game than anything scary. Don't even think the power went out, so it must not have been too disastrous.

Hurricane Fran hit North Carolina when I was in college down there. I think some of my sorority sisters lost beach homes, but to me it was an excuse for "hurricane parties" and road trips because there was no power and we weren't supposed to use the water. I believe there were even some Hurricane Fran t-shirts printed up. Just sayin'.

Watching these poor reporters standing out in rain that is coming down sideways, barely able to stand because the winds are so strong, makes me glad I never found a job as a tv reporter. I mean, yes, you're on TV. But you look like crap and are seriously endangering your life. Who really wants that assignment. I ask you. (Not me.)

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

D-O-U-C-H-E. Douche.

And that about sums up the spelling bee episode of Bachelor Pad. Would you like me to use it in a sentence?

We begin with an inconsolable Rachel, who acts like Michael (her partner who she is in LOVE with and just got voted off) is dead. "I don't know HOW I can go on," blah blah - careful hon. You might blow that nose ring right out of your head.

Then Chris Harrison announces that the rules are changing - again. Seriously? Never in my life have I seen so many different sets of rules for one game. From now on, they are competing - and voting - as couples.

So Rachel has to partner up with Nick, the only other guy without a partner. Who, as Sarah wisely states, "hasn't spoken since he got here." Should make for some exciting TV!

The top 10 board a school bus's Spelling Bee time! Not their finest hour - these folks are more beauty than brains. Now, I'll admit that having to go back and forth with your partner, each saying a letter as you spell the word, is probably harder than it looks. And "boutonniere" is a toughie. But there were some verrrry creative spellings of words happening last night. "Titalait?" Really? I happen to have two spelling bee trophies (back-to-back champ in 2007-2008!), so I found this all a little sad. The Hogwarts-esque kid judges added to the fun though.

Sadly, the evil duo of Chris and Sarah successfully spelled "serendipity" (phew), and got to explore their budding romance (and talk about Emily) on an overnight date. Snooze. Ed and Jaclyn also got an overnight as the runners-up, which made for some dramatic moments when Ed admitted that he was seeing someone back home! GASP. (Well, sort-of: they broke up before he went on the Pad but he still had feelings for her...) Jaclyn, although devastated, somehow manages to pull herself together enough to still shack up. Atta girl!

They give their roses to Blakeley and Tony (nice hot pink shirt, btw), who then plot to kick off Lindzi and Kalon. Kalon does his creepy best to change it up and get Rachel and Nick out (and Nick helps in this process by acting like a total whackjob -perhaps best for him to not speak)...but it's Kalon and Lindzi who must leave the mansion at once. In a rare but sweet moment, Kalon leaps out of his limo to share a ride with Lindz - rumors are they're still together.

Who knew that love can come from the ridiculousness that is Bachelor Pad. Until next week...

Monday, August 27, 2012


On Friday while driving home from work, one of my back seat windows "died," and rolled all the way down below the rubber lining. (yes, I'm sure there are more automotive words for everything I just said, but hopefully you understood the gist.) I tried every Macgyver move I could think of to pull it back up - my fingers were too fat, the wrench (yes I own a wrench) couldn't get a good I went with my last possible option: duct taping a garbage bag over it. (I failed to mention that of course it rained all weekend, and when it wasn't raining it was in the 90s - neither situation ideal to have a window completely open.)

So off I go to the dealership this morning, in the hopes that they can salvage my poor window. It's so mortifying to drive with a garbage bag on the window, but I guess it's not the worst thing I've ever driven. Sad but true.

Friday, August 24, 2012

Who am I to judge. (But I will.)

Lance Armstrong gets stripped of his titles, yet Halle Berry still gets to keep her Academy Award after Catwoman? That ain't right...

Thursday, August 23, 2012

An ode to Laura Ashley

Flipping through the channels last night and caught a bit of Ferris Bueller's Day Off. I don't think I ever realized that his sister (played by a pre-nose job Jennifer Grey) had the exact Laura Ashley bedspread that I had growing up. (I may have also had the coordinating wallpaper and curtains. Let's remember it was the 80s.)

God I loved Laura Ashley. Every time I went to Wimbledon with my dad, we would go to the Laura Ashley store in London and I would get a long floral dress that, looking back now, looked like something one of the Sister Wives would wear:

It's also possible I owned this:

Oh lord. Let's make this a "Damn you, Laura Ashley!" post instead.

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

I approve this message.

The presidential campaign is heating up - I've already had to hide a few overly political friends on Facebook - and it reminded me of my own illustrious political career. 

Vice President, Lamplighter Layers (4th grade) - it was kind of a coup that a girl ran for such a "high" office, as I recall. I think my only job was to call role, but hey. We were dealing with a bunch of chickens. Literally.

President, Middle School Student Council (8th grade) - I won because I made a funny speech. I sat on the ground and basically did a monologue acting like Edith Ann which made no sense and had nothing to do with being student council president. But everyone loved it and I won. And then they made a rule that speeches couldn't be funny anymore. Whoopsie.

President, Junior Class - this was one of my favorites. Toughest year of high school, and a tough gig - but fun.

Vice President, Student Council (12th grade) - I didn't want to be President again, and all of our friends were in the big student council positions, so Vice President sounded like a good plan. My speech was based around the letters VP, for example: "The Vast Power of the Vice President gets overlooked by a Variety of People." And I think the ending was "Think Sarah for Vice President - Vote Please!" Teachers came up to me later and said they were still coming up with "v" and "p" words in the teachers lounge. Glad I could be of service.

In summary, I should probably steer clear of running for office - but might look into speechwriting.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Bachelor Pad: If the Airstream's a-rockin'...

Holy twists and turns, Bachelor Pad fans! Just when you think you know, you realize it's the Real World and you have no idea.

But first:

Chris is a total a-hole. Of COURSE people lied to him about who they were voting for - this game is all about lying. Watch the show, man. Sadly we're stuck with this guy for at least another week, although he's compiling enemies like it's a going out of business sale, so fingers crossed...

In a surprise to no one, Blakeley's "VIP cocktail waitress" career was actually at Hooters. Which she proved by being the first to finish the completely inane contest of carrying six stacked teacups. I've been a waitress (at Chili's, not Hooters), and can tell you I would have been a disaster at this challenge. Even if I could have used two hands. Poor Erica Rose is terrible at this one as well - barely even tries - and complains to the camera that none of the contests have used her strengths. (Which apparently include shopping. Atta girl.)

Blakeley is also extreeeeeemely materialistic. And could it have been more obvious that her overnight date with Tony was NOT going to be the fancypants one? Nice work, producers. Instead, Lindzi and Kalon got the fancy date, complete with a Bentley and Neil Lane jewels, and Blakeley and Tony Airstream and a Jeep. (Which actually looked like more fun to me, but I digress.) Another award for lack of subtlety goes to the producers for using Wes Hayden's song on the radio. Which just "happened" to come on when Tony "happened" to switch it to the country station. Brava.

And during the love song, it was smooching all over the place: Blakeley and Tony. Lindzi and Kalon. Michael and Rachel. Chris and Sarah. Jaclyn and...a seemingly passed out Ed. Ah, young love.

The Jaclyn-Ed scene is a bit of foreshadowing, as proven the next day when Chris Harrison flat-out asks what the deal is between them, and Ed throws her under the bus, saying he is NOT looking for romance (although nightly hook-ups are AOK), but she's a swell partner. Ouch.

And then the game is thrown for a loop: everyone votes to send one girl home, and the loser gets to pick the guy who has to leave as well. Oooooh ABC. Good one. So Chris tries to convince everyone to vote off Lindzi, in order to break up the Kalon-Lindzi pairing, although he knows she'll probably take Chris with her - ballsy! And in the other corner: Michael, who gets everyone to vote for Erica Rose and tells ER it's Chris's doing, knowing she'll take Chris down when she leaves. But don't bang the gavel for Miss Erica Rose just yet - in a wise move, Chris brings her into the voting room with him to prove he did NOT in fact vote for her, and when it's her time to go, she takes MICHAEL down with her! (gasp) Rachel immediately breaks down, and the entire group is fractured - the power couple is over!

As Erica Rose said, "justice has been served." (Bang gavel)

Monday, August 20, 2012

Of all the gyms in all the world...

...apparently my CFO goes to mine. I was leaving the gym this morning, in a sweaty daze, and some guy opened the door for me.  I heard a "Morning, Sarah" in his British accent and sheepishly grinned as I bolted for the car. At least I had mascara on. Although maybe it would have been  better if I didn't - he probably wouldn't have recognized me. (It's THAT drastic of a difference, trust me.)

Actually, another bigwig at my company goes to my gym as well. Which is weird, considering it's the YMCA. I would think these dudes would be all about Equinox or something equally fancy. But no. Sigh.

True Bromance

Two of my guy friends recently got engaged. (And no, not to each other, although I'm sure people have thought that in the past, as they are always together.) They are both in their mid-40s, and both dated quite a few girls I know. Quite an extensive list, in fact. :) I think the assumption was that they would be lifelong bachelors, content with dating around and having fun. But alas, the fun stopped - and they both got engaged within months of each other. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for a double wedding. All the same people would be invited to both, anyway...

Congrats guys!

Friday, August 17, 2012

Are you ready for some football

Michigan and Alabama are playing at Cowboys Stadium on September 1, and it's basically sold out. But  there's a LivingSocial deal for only $90 which gets you in and includes a hot dog, bag of chips and a drink. The catch? It's in the standing-room-only section. I figure I would probably be standing most of the time anyway, but still. Is it worth $100 to stand for 4 hours and watch teams I really don't care about? Possibly. And if so, someone remind me to wear comfortable shoes.

Thursday, August 16, 2012

Glamour don't

I think I need a black bar over my eyes today. On a whim bought some seafoam green skinny jeans at Target yesterday that were on sale ($17!), and on ANOTHER whim decided to wear them to work. Note: I don't wear skinny jeans. At least, not unless I have a long tunic and knee-high boots on to cover everything up but the knee region. This could be a loooooong day.

Move over, "amazeballs."

I really like the words "dill hole" and "asshat." I really should use them more. Consider yourselves warned.

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

That's pronounced "Hah-mptons," dahling

As I said before, the only things I knew about the Hamptons were what I had seen on TV. Sex and the City, Revenge, Real Housewives. And I am happy to report it was nothing like that. Much more laid-back and beachy than I thought it would be. And laid-back and beachy suits me just fine. (As long as "beachy" includes platform heels and my rhinestone-covered phone. What?)

We stayed in a house with 8 or so other people - everyone shared rooms and bathrooms, and it was kind of college-y. Aside from the pool, tennis court, and the fact that Sir Paul McCartney's house was right next door. (He wasn't there, but his Rolls Royce was...)

We went over to another house for a bbq the first night, which was a lot of fun. The drinks were too strong and the guacamole was too weak, but it was super casual and everyone was very nice to the out-of-towner (me). Then we hit two of the three bars in Amagansett, including the live music venue featuring an 80s cover band, aka my dream night. But oddly the bar was packed with 20-somethings. I felt OLD. Which I am accustomed to in Dallas, but didn't see coming in the Hamptons. How these kids have the kind of money to party up there is beyond me. Sigh.

The next day was pretty rainy, but we were able to sneak in some pool time here and there (when peeling ourselves away from Olympic rhythmic gymnastics, of course). Late in the afternoon we hit Cyril's, which is famous for the BBC (Bailey's Banana Colada). With a rum floater, of course. Dear god it's delicious. I may have had two. Then dinner at an odd place that served both burgers and sushi, but was still quite tasty. And then back to the bars from the previous night. Where I recognized quite a few people from the night before. I guess that's how you make friends in the Hamptons - there's nowhere else to go, so you keep bumping into the same folks.

Back to the city on Sunday - and of course the weather was amazeballs the day we left. But all around, a great time. I felt fancy, I felt uncool, and I felt lucky - that's the dream, I guess.

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Oh, TLC. Why.

I made the mistake (or awesome coincidence, you be the judge) of watching "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo" last night. Is anyone familiar with this. Alana is a 6-year-old redneck (self-admitted) who is on the pageant circuit and became popular from the Toddlers and Tiaras trainwreck. So now she gets her own show, starring her entire whackjob family. Who, might I add, all need subtitles to be able to understand what they're saying. And yes, they're speaking English. It's truly a sight to behold. Her family consists of:

Dad Sugar Bear
Honey Boo Boo
Sisters Pumpkin, Chubbs and Chickadee (who is apparently pregnant at 17)

Take a look. I dare you. (And be warned: I don't think I can ever watch another episode. Ever. One is more than enough.)

Bachelor Pad: new car smell

Jamie is an idiot. That pretty much sums up this episode. I hope she is watching this back and realizing how pathetic and stupid she looks..."He's protecting me!" when he asked another girl on a date. Really?! Here's a reality check, reality "star:" Chris was totally using you! He never liked you! And technically, he never liked Blakely,'s hoping for what's behind door #3 with Sarah, who he said had a "new car smell." Nice. Girls can't hear THAT enough.

Gotta love game show day. Always fun to say who's the most annoying, who's the fakest, how many people you've slept with (atta girl, Blakely!), least they didn't air the "who's the ugliest" again - which I believe Erica Rose won last time. And might still hold that title. (Sorry.)

At least the dates were a bit better this time - Dodgers Stadium and a random action movie sequence - but still an odd lack of helicopters. Maybe next week.

Monday, August 13, 2012

The city so nice, they named it twice

Fun times in NY! The weather wasn't great, but still. It's New York. We had a nice leisurely lunch on Thursday, wandered around the West Village (super cute!!), and had a drink on the roof of the hotel (amazeballs). Then a fun group dinner and drinks. I loved it there, but I felt like everyone in the city just looked cooler than me. (And probably were.) The next morning was crazy rainy, which made for a loooong cab ride - but by the time we got to our lunch destination, it was sunny again. And might I add, our lunch destination was the home of the Colombian ambassador to the UN. Holy five-story NYC mansion. Complete with servants. And elevators. And champagne. I thought we had chicken, but was told later it was lamb. Hmmm. Unfortunate, considering I haven't eaten lamb since like the early 1990s, but what can you do.

We hopped aboard the Jitney, which was much more luxurious than I thought, and headed to the Hamptons. Seriously - I want a Jitney. Movie. Free drinks/wine/snacks/newspaper. Bathroom. Could be a lot worse for a three and a half hour ride.

Next up: Sarah Does The Hamptons.

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

A final Olympic thought.

Odd but true - I think I would prefer to win a bronze medal. It would go better with my other jewelry - rose gold is HUGE right now! Just thinking out loud here, people.

From Big D to the Big Apple

Last blog post until Monday because I'm off to New York tomorrow! The above is true - I DO heart New York. Haven't been in like 10 years, but still. (I'm sure it hasn't changed a bit - ha!)

The most exciting part: we'll be in the Hamptons for the weekend. Now, all I know about the Hamptons is what I've seen on TV - the Jitney (Sex and the City) and the crazy homes and parties (Real Housewives of NY). And in my mind, I imagine everyone wearing Lilly Pulitzer and plaid shorts and topsiders. And I'm sure in reality they do NOT. Which means when I bust all of these things out of my suitcase, I will scream "tourist!" (Actually, my incessant Facebook check-ins and constant photos will do that for me.)

But I think I will just embrace being a tourist. Might even buy a Statue of Liberty headpiece and wear it around. Look how awesome:

NY might never let me come back. I better live it up. Start spreading the news.

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Bachelor Pad: Because you don't hear "nut sack" enough in primetime

Another ridiculous episode, another drunken conquest by Ed. (Best line: "What was your name again?")

And another embarassing showing during the challenge by Ed. Seriously, guy - it's not rocket science. It's a hill with a rope. Haven't you ever watched a Road Rules/Real World challenge before? This totally screwed Jamie over, too, since she had the lead, which he blew. So I was glad David gave her a rose to save her. The whole prom date thing was fairly dumb, as was the wax museum date with the guys - has ABC just run out of ideas? Where are all the helicopter rides?!

Brief Couple Update:
  • Rachel and Stagliano are a cute couple, but Lindzi/Kalon are totally flying under the radar. She's never even on camera. Methinks this may change soon...
  • Jamie got rejected by Chris (again) - hopefully for the last time? - and I noticed that he sure does wear a lot of tank tops. The black wife-beater is particularly unfortunate.
  • And finally, the bromance of Ed and Reid. Which is actually not a bromance at all. In fact, I think we can safely say they are BRO-ken up.
Ed somehow managed to win over the ladies voting (maybe if he sleeps with everyone, he'll win the whole thing?!), giving Reid the surprise exit. Once again, Reid's complete lack of awareness and inability to count did him in - this time for good. And oh, Donna "they'll miss seeing me in my bikini." I'm sure they will, Donna. I'm sure they will. (Especially Nick, with all the complete last-minute making out.)

Monday, August 6, 2012

What - was Brenda busy?

First it was a Blossom reunion, and now Old Navy ads are bringing back some classic 90210, with Brandon and Andrea as the guest stars. (Yes, they have real names, but I will always think of them as Brandon and Andrea.)

And though the years have not been particularly kind, let's remember these people were like 35 playing teenagers 20 years ago.

Can't wait to see what's next from Old Navy - may I suggest a Facts of Life reunion. Simply because I like saying "Tootie."

Friday, August 3, 2012

What a compliment! Or not.

On Wednesday, the CEO came up to me and asked for a favor: his wife was going out of town and he was bringing his son (14) and daughter (16) to work on Thursday. He wondered if his daughter could hang out with me and my team for the day. Honored, I of course said yes - I've met her before, and she's adorable. Plus - the CEO wouldn't ask us if he didn't think we were trustworthy, exemplary employees (plus a ton of fun), right?? But then I thought more about it - maybe he asked us because he figured we don't do much during the day and why not entertain a teenager...

Regardless, yesterday went fine. We saved some semi-fun projects for her, took her to lunch, and promptly ran out of things for her to do around 2pm. But we gave her back to her dad alive, and I guess that's all that counts?

Thursday, August 2, 2012

"You killed the invisible swordsman!"

Lines like the above have never been enjoyed by one of the (very young) girls on my team, as she has never seen Three Amigos. As I mentioned before, I take personal offense at this, and feel it my duty as her boss to force her to watch what I feel are classic movies. So I bought Three Amigos for her, as well as the following movies, which she ALSO had never seen.

Prepare to be stunned and amazed, as well as a little sad for her generation...

Troop Beverly Hills (I said movies *I* feel are classics...)
Pretty in Pink
Weird Science
Breakfast Club
Dirty Dancing

And, most frightening of all,
The Sound of Music

How a person can be 23 years old and never have seen The Sound of Music is beyond me.
Luckily these movies all cost like $1 on Amazon. I feel the end result will pay for itself tenfold.

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Plastic medals for everyone!

Olympic fever has even hit my office - next week we're hosting our very own Olympiad, complete with sad little games that include:

Balance beam (on a piece of duct tape)
100-yard dash (in a rolling chair)
Swimming relay (which doesn't involve water; merely pantomiming the strokes while wearing goggles and flippers)
Archery (shooting mini-marshmallows)
Hurdles (over boxes of paper)

Should be tough. My co-workers better be relieved that I'm judging, so can't compete. I shoot a mean mini-marshmallow.