Friday, June 30, 2017

Full Circle

Willie Nelson was my first concert, back when I was 8. I got the tickets in my Christmas stocking, and my dad took my best friend Amy and I. Somehow we had floor seats at Reunion Arena, and it was greatness.

Going to see Willie again on Sunday - this time at the Outlaw Music Festival, also featuring the Avett Brothers and Sheryl Crow. Here's hoping it's equally great (and Willie remembers the words.)

Thursday, June 29, 2017

Kevin and Winnie forever

Decided to diverge from my normal bedtime routine of watching Friends on Netflix - now I'm hooked on The Wonder Years. I'm sorry - such greatness.

Particularly the "Stout-Hearted Men" episode:

And yes, I peer particularly closely at Paul Pfeiffer to see if those Marilyn Manson rumors were true.

Wednesday, June 28, 2017

Bachelorette recap: Something stinks in Denmark

I liked this headline. Pretty much sums it up.

We land back in no-man's land Norway with Kenny and Lee, and Kenny cannot believe what blatant lies Lee has told Rachel about him. Lee then lies to Kenny's face, denying he said that, and Kenny calls him a snake (again), so when Rachel tells Lee she doesn't trust him and it's time to go, he whines (again) that Kenny is the aggressor. Dude. Let it go. Boy bye.

But Rachel isn't 100% sold on Kenny, either, and they have a chat later in the evening about where they are. She decides he is telling her the truth and gives him the rose.

At the rose ceremony, Rachel shocks Josiah no one when she sends Josiah and Anthony home. Have to say I was surprised Adam and Matt were sticking around, seeing as how they have barely said two words. Oh, and Adam Jr is still lurking around.

Off to Denmark, with a one-on-one date with Eric. He is so smiley and cute, he's a new man! They chat with a couple who has been married for 35 years and even dare try out the public hot tub (complete with naked man - in adjoining tub). Eric admits he didn't feel love from his mother, but wants to with Rachel - and she melts a little and gives him the rose.

On the group date, the guys row a Viking boat and compete in reindeer Viking games - complete with costumes. Adam and Kenny are the last two Vikes standing, and both end up with cuts above their eyes. Not very Viking-like, if you ask me. Later, Rachel and Kenny keep it 100, and she tells him he should go home to his daughter. They part very amicably and Kenny cries for like the 7th time. Peter gets the rose.

Will has the final date, and they sail over to Sweden to complete the Scandinavian trifecta. But there are lots of awkward silences on this date - perhaps because Will only dates white girls?? Bye, Will.

Rachel is a crying mess at the rose ceremony, even quoting Shakespeare - as she bids adieu to our favorite Russkie, Alex. Sad to see him and his suits of many colors go. But I predict an appearance on Bachelor in Paradise...

Tuesday, June 27, 2017

Bachelorette recap: Oslo he didn't

It remains the Kenny and Lee show in Hilton Head, but Bryan takes the group date rose following the spelling bee date because he kisses the best, obvi. Kenny confronts Lee about telling Rachel he is "aggressive," but Lee refuses to back down. Kenny whispers that Lee is a bitch, but is convinced he's not being aggressive because he's using his inside voice. All Lee does is stir the pot, and we get the sense that his racist tendencies are coming out. (Why is he even on this show - I guess to promote his singer/songwriter career??) Will even tries to explain that the word "aggressive" has racist connotations, and Lee decides Kenny is playing the "race card." Okay.

Jack Stone, the Dallas attorney who is perfect for Rachel on paper, has his one-on-one date and they shuck (oysters) and shag (dance). But Rachel isn't feeling it - although of course poor Jack is. She finally has to break it down over dinner that the x-factor just isn't there, and he looks like someone killed his cat.

At the rose ceremony, she eliminates the tickle monster (who goes in for a final tickle, to the amusement of the guys) and poor sweaty Iggy. Kenny and Lee remain miffed that the other still remains to taunt them. #thanksproducers

Up next: Oslo! Why not!

Bryan gets the first one-on-one date, and they rappel down a giant ski jump. (I personally would have liked to see them ski off the jump, but whatever.) They kiss, Spiderman-style, while hanging mid-air, and Rachel is a smitten kitten. But she worries - how is this guy 37 and single? What is she missing? He calms her fears by telling her over dinner that he used to be a skinny dork in high school and that he's falling in love with her. BOOM. And rose.

The rest of the guys get a group date to play handball in tight wrestling onesies. The rest of the guys EXCEPT Kenny and Lee, that is. Which means...two-on-one date! #thanksproducers
Kenny video chats with his daughter, which is super adorable, while Lee pumps iron in his cowboy boots. The scene is SET.

On the group date, Will steps up his handball game and Peter just gets handsy with Rachel. She is impressed by all the guys - Will, who tells her how he got dumped around the same time that she did and is just now ready to open up again, Alex, who reads a letter he wrote to her, Josiah with his Trump joke about hand size...but it is handball wizard Will who gets the group date rose.

Finally it's game time. Kenny versus Lee. Two men, one rose - one stays, one (or both?) goes. Lee tells Rachel Kenny put his hands on him. Which is clearly a lie - he would have been kicked off the show - we are left with Rachel asking Kenny about this and a big fat TO BE CONTINUED.

Monday, June 26, 2017

Drop a beat

After sitting in my DVR cue for nearly a year (thanks to a free HBO weekend), I finally watched Straight Outta Compton yesterday.  And found it to be brilliant. I wasn't an NWA fan, but I sort of want to listen to old-school Ice Cube and Dr Dre now...also loved seeing Tupac, Snoop, Suge, etc. I kept having to Wikipedia everyone - could I BE more white??

One interesting tidbit: Dr Dre's net worth is like $800 million. Well played, sir.

Friday, June 23, 2017

Clearly I'm no Agassi

I keep trying to do things at the club to make my membership worth while. I went to a beginner tennis class a few months ago - was the only one who showed up, and after hitting three balls the coach told me I was not a beginner. (Duh, but I never play so want to start from scratch.)

Went back last Saturday and apparently they cancelled that class due to low participation (see above), so the only other beginner class I can (sort of) make is at 5:30 on Wednesdays. (There are a few in the morning for the lucky ladies who don't work, but obvi that's not me.) So I left work a little early and still got there a few minutes late - but it was fun. Only 5 ladies, just drills for an hour.

And I am so sore. Didn't even really PLAY. So sad. Such a disgrace to my family name.

Thursday, June 22, 2017

Blessed be the fruit

Was a bit behind, but finally finished the last episode of Handmaid's Tale the other night. And OH. MY. GOD. I am so obsessed. We read this in high school and I was obsessed back then - remember using it in several college essays - but watching the show made me want to re-read it. And wait (im)patiently for season 2.

Also, already looking for a Handmaid's costume for Halloween. Comfy with a message. Doesn't get better than that.

Wednesday, June 21, 2017

Say cheese

Driving to work this morning, I saw this ad for Mint Dentistry:

I mean, does she even HAVE teeth? This is the strangest ad for a dentist I have ever seen.

(Then again, it got me thinking about the company all the way to work, so perhaps this advertising strategy is working after all?)

Tuesday, June 20, 2017

Bachelorette recap: Hooked on Phonics

Rachel is having a rough time. She just got rid of DeMario (again), and now has to deal with guy drama thanks to Lee and Kenny. I will admit that Lee is super creepy and annoying, literally giving Kenny 16 seconds to talk to her and standing right in front of them while they tried to carry on a normal conversation. He likes to pick fights with the other guys, particularly the black guys - and since recent tweets have proven racist, I guess that's his M.O. Awesome.

After a brief (and very real, making me love her more) cry, Rachel pulls herself together enough to kick off Diggy, Bryce and some other guy. The rest are headed to Hilton Head!

Dean gets the first one-on-one date, and they go up in the blimp. She takes the wheel, he is super nervous, but they kiss and the blimp floats past the guys' hotel and flashes "Rachel and Dean 4evah" to make everyone jealous. At dinner, she hopes he will open up a bit and asks about his family. His mother died of breast cancer when he was 15, and he was basically on his own after that. He cries, she tries not to, and instead gives him the rose. They then "stumble upon" a concert by some guy I've never heard of.

The group date is a huge bunch - everyone but Jack who will get the second one-on-one. They are on a boat (cue the music), and with Rachel rocking the captain's hat, limbo and rap contests, it's quite the booze cruise. Peter even jumps into the rap game, impressing her with his white boy skillz - although I'm not sure mentioning farting is very "street." After the boat, there's another test: a spelling bee. Now, some of the words were legit difficult: boutonniere (which took me about four tries, not gonna lie), etc. But words like stunning? Boudoir? Fa├žade? Coitus? (Yes, that was a word. And no, the guy did not get it right.) Come on fellas. Josiah wins on "polyamorous," but by this point he is working the crowd and taking entirely too long and I'm over it.

I also had to giggle when the "champion" received this trophy:
#typo #spellingbeefail

Lee told Rachel Kenny was the aggressor; Kenny said he didn't handle the situation well but Lee was very disingenuous. Let's just put them both in the ring and let them duke it out, shall we?


Monday, June 19, 2017

Just hanging at a halfway house, looking to make a deal

So I bought my first item off one of those online garage sales this weekend. And it was certainly an adventure. First of all, the woman posted in the North Dallas group and said she lived in north Dallas. She did not - lived closer to me, in an equally bad area of town. I asked if 1pm on Saturday would work, she said she was free all weekend so that was fine. She messaged me around 10am to confirm, and I said yes, 1pm. I decided to bring my mom with me, just in case, and I'm glad I did. Initially we were waiting in her apartment complex parking lot, but after seeing one sign that said all residents had to be indoors by 10pm, and another that said "no bare skin, no sagging," we opted to go across the street and wait in a shopping center parking lot. We were the only white people there, so were getting some weird stares, but whatever.

I messaged her around 5 til 1 that we were running 10 minutes late, and she said that was fine, as she was heading back from Forney. Um, Forney is not close. She didn't end up arriving until 2pm. ONE HOUR after the time we had arranged. I did end up buying the item (for $40 less than she was asking), but MAN. Being a novice, I have to wonder if this is normal? (I'm sure if you're in the Highland Park one, it's much more of a streamlined experience, but I can't get in that one...)

Oh well - live and learn.

Friday, June 16, 2017

Just in time for the Top Gun sequel

My dad runs this non-profit where they go to army bases and teach tennis to the families living there. Some of his old pro buddies come, and it's a pretty neat deal. Even cooler: this year, they are doing their first event at a naval base, and the tennis lessons will happen on the deck of a freaking air craft carrier!

Kind of like this, but cooler.

My one question: will the ballboys be in scuba gear?

Thursday, June 15, 2017

Get off my lawn!!

People who borrow stuff and never bring it back annoy the crap out of me. We have a cart outside of our office that clearly says "Property of Internal Communications." Anyone is free to use it, just give us the courtesy of letting us know. But it disappeared for a week and was found locked in some random closet. And now, our cooler is gone. Again, just ASK people. Otherwise we're going to have to start bolting things to the floor.

Not sure why, but I blame millennials.

Wednesday, June 14, 2017

Perhaps still in BIP mourning...I bring you BP

Started watching Bachelor Party for the first time this weekend. Not sure why I never saw it back in the day (although it's fairly racy for a then 8-year-old), and not sure why I randomly decided to watch it now. But Tawny Kitaen?? That was a surprise. Didn't know she could do anything aside from writhe on the hood of a car. Atta girl.

Bonus: the movie is so very 80s. Which makes everything more fun.

Tuesday, June 13, 2017

Paradise lost

No Bachelorette last night, so I will instead focus my rant on DeMario and Corinne, whose behavior has apparently halted production on my treasured summer trash TV show, Bachelor in Paradise. How dare you. I say again, how dare you. I mean, what else am I going to do this summer - go outside???

In the meantime, this could be yours:

Monday, June 12, 2017

I predict a new trending baby name will be Hippolita

Didn't think I was going to want to see Wonder Woman - not a huge comic book movie fan - but went yesterday and she's a total bad-ass. (And looks stunning doing it.) Some cheesy lines/moments, but all in all an excellent girl power movie.

Side bar: where can I buy her boots???

Friday, June 9, 2017

Peter Cetera, where are you when we need you most?

Went to see a Chicago cover band last night. They were NOT good. Now, Peter Cetera has a voice that is hard to replicate. I get it. But man. we made it through the first set and I couldn't take a butchering of "You're the Inspiration," so we left. Not a "Hard Habit to Break," as it turns out. We could "Look Away." (Okay, I'm done. Plus I don't know any more Chicago songs.)

Thursday, June 8, 2017

Are you listening, Jimmy?

Anyone else think there should be a Comey-themed Mean Tweets on Kimmel? (of course with Comey reading them)

Wednesday, June 7, 2017

Visions of dinner rolls danced in my head

Being (temporarily and voluntarily) gluten free is a real pain in the ass sometimes. Like tonight - going to this Italian restaurant that is supposed to be awesome, and basically the entire menu is pizza and pasta (um, obvi). I called to see if anything could be made GF, and the answer was "not much." So everyone else will be digging into a delicious pizza and I'll be over there with my little salad (and no breadsticks), like "hey."

We took communion in church on Sunday, and I couldn't even partake in that. #sorrygod


Tuesday, June 6, 2017

Bachelorette recap: topless dudes on horseback (almost)

Another week, another few reasons to love Rachel Lindsay more.

She sends DeMario packing, even after he pleads with a "joy and pain" speech about wanting to move forward. She tells him he should move forward - right off the property. BURN! #boybye

Whaboom tells Rachel that Blake stands over him at night while he sleeps, licking a banana. Although Blake denies this, Rachel realizes both of these doofuses are, well, doofuses, and sends them packing. Which leads to the girliest catfight I have ever seen between two men. Neither of them will be getting laid for a while, methinks.

Another one who won't be getting laid but is somehow still around is the tickle monster, Jonathan - who busts out these babies (as modeled by Chris Harrison):

Seriously. He uses this while chatting with Rachel. I would say #facepalm but you could really hurt yourself.

Ready for a fresh start, it's time for a group date with Bryan, Jonathan, Alex, Peter, Will and Fred - on the Ellen show, of course! Ellen makes the guys take their shirts off and give lap dances to the women in the audience - including grandmothers. Alex the Russian makes a good impression, both dancing and playing Never Have I Ever, where three guys admit to kissing Rachel and the other three are left feeling stupid. One of these is poor Fred, who can't seem to break out of the "bad kid at camp" memory for Rachel. So he asks if he can kiss her, and while she rolls her eyes at the awkwardness of that, he goes for it. He is thrilled with the result; Rachel, not so much. She escorts him right out of the building to the exit limo and instead gives the group date rose to Alex. Da!

Anthony gets the one-on-one date, and it involves riding horses down Rodeo Drive. Into stores, on horseback. Of course the horses poop in the stores because that's what they do, but Rachel and Anthony laugh it off and enjoy their new boots and hats and "too glam to give a damn" shirts. #productplug At dinner, Anthony talks about his parents and how he wants to be a good father, and Rachel wants to know more. He gets the rose.

At home, Eric is freaking out a bit, telling everyone he doesn't know how Rachel feels and maybe she's playing a game until she gets what she wants. He's just going to ask her. Iggy tries to calm him down but just gets yelled at. Eric is happy to know he's on the next group date (Iggy is not), along with Brady, Dean, Adam, Kenny, Bryce, Lee and Jack. Rachel's posse from Nick's season is back (Corinne, Jasmine, Alexis and Raven), to give her the dirt on who's here for the right reasons. They hear from Bryce and Lee that Eric isn't, but before they can convey the news the guys have to mud wrestle. In front of a huge crowd of rowdy women. Yeah, role reversal!! The guys once again doff their shirts and hit the mud, and after a closely fought finale, Bryce beats Kenny.

Eric manages to get his coveted time with Rachel and asks about her feelings, She reassures him by giving him the group date rose.

But Rachel later tells Eric what Bryce and Lee said, leading him to blow up and deny ever saying anything. Lee thinks Eric needs to know more about life, having never been in love, but Eric doesn't agree. The fight escalates and we're hit with a To Be Continued...

Monday, June 5, 2017

All I know is "don't fall asleep!"

Driving to work this morning, I passed by a business called Concussion Rehabilitation. Do concussions really happen so common that this is necessary? I guess they do - thanks, contact sports.

#wearahelmet #maybeindoors

Friday, June 2, 2017

Don't make me come down there

I don't know why this Paris Climate Accord business has my panties in a bunch, but it does. I mean, every day there's something new and jaw-dropping (how exhausted must reporters be from the daily "breaking news!"??), but this is a new low. And so late last night when I couldn't sleep I decided to let the leaders know how I felt. Via angry tweets, of course. I tweeted Trump, Melania, Ted Cruz and John Cornyn. I know they won't read them, but somehow it made me feel better, like I was doing something. You're welcome, world.

Thursday, June 1, 2017

You just got trivia'd

Played bar trivia last night with a friend, and I was able to contribute a few key answers:

  • D-Day: June 6, 1944
  • VE Day: May, 1945
  • Morpheus in the Matrix was played by Laurence Fishburne
  • "Vacation" the song came out before "Vacation" the movie (yes, this shiz is important)
  • Truman was president at the end of WWII
  • Owen Wilson provided one of the character voices in the movie Cars (which I have never seen, mind you)
  • Lindsey Buckingham sings the "Vacation" movie theme song

Ta daaa! That's a $250K education, folks. My parents would be so proud. (And no, we did not win)