Was a bit behind, but finally finished the last episode of Handmaid's Tale the other night. And OH. MY. GOD. I am so obsessed. We read this in high school and I was obsessed back then - remember using it in several college essays - but watching the show made me want to re-read it. And wait (im)patiently for season 2.
Also, already looking for a Handmaid's costume for Halloween. Comfy with a message. Doesn't get better than that.
Rachel is having a rough time. She just got rid of DeMario (again), and now has to deal with guy drama thanks to Lee and Kenny. I will admit that Lee is super creepy and annoying, literally giving Kenny 16 seconds to talk to her and standing right in front of them while they tried to carry on a normal conversation. He likes to pick fights with the other guys, particularly the black guys - and since recent tweets have proven racist, I guess that's his M.O. Awesome.
After a brief (and very real, making me love her more) cry, Rachel pulls herself together enough to kick off Diggy, Bryce and some other guy. The rest are headed to Hilton Head!
Dean gets the first one-on-one date, and they go up in the blimp. She takes the wheel, he is super nervous, but they kiss and the blimp floats past the guys' hotel and flashes "Rachel and Dean 4evah" to make everyone jealous. At dinner, she hopes he will open up a bit and asks about his family. His mother died of breast cancer when he was 15, and he was basically on his own after that. He cries, she tries not to, and instead gives him the rose. They then "stumble upon" a concert by some guy I've never heard of.
The group date is a huge bunch - everyone but Jack who will get the second one-on-one. They are on a boat (cue the music), and with Rachel rocking the captain's hat, limbo and rap contests, it's quite the booze cruise. Peter even jumps into the rap game, impressing her with his white boy skillz - although I'm not sure mentioning farting is very "street." After the boat, there's another test: a spelling bee. Now, some of the words were legit difficult: boutonniere (which took me about four tries, not gonna lie), etc. But words like stunning? Boudoir? Façade? Coitus? (Yes, that was a word. And no, the guy did not get it right.) Come on fellas. Josiah wins on "polyamorous," but by this point he is working the crowd and taking entirely too long and I'm over it.
I also had to giggle when the "champion" received this trophy:
Lee told Rachel Kenny was the aggressor; Kenny said he didn't handle the situation well but Lee was very disingenuous. Let's just put them both in the ring and let them duke it out, shall we?
So I bought my first item off one of those online garage sales this weekend. And it was certainly an adventure. First of all, the woman posted in the North Dallas group and said she lived in north Dallas. She did not - lived closer to me, in an equally bad area of town. I asked if 1pm on Saturday would work, she said she was free all weekend so that was fine. She messaged me around 10am to confirm, and I said yes, 1pm. I decided to bring my mom with me, just in case, and I'm glad I did. Initially we were waiting in her apartment complex parking lot, but after seeing one sign that said all residents had to be indoors by 10pm, and another that said "no bare skin, no sagging," we opted to go across the street and wait in a shopping center parking lot. We were the only white people there, so were getting some weird stares, but whatever.
I messaged her around 5 til 1 that we were running 10 minutes late, and she said that was fine, as she was heading back from Forney. Um, Forney is not close. She didn't end up arriving until 2pm. ONE HOUR after the time we had arranged. I did end up buying the item (for $40 less than she was asking), but MAN. Being a novice, I have to wonder if this is normal? (I'm sure if you're in the Highland Park one, it's much more of a streamlined experience, but I can't get in that one...)
My dad runs this non-profit where they go to army bases and teach tennis to the families living there. Some of his old pro buddies come, and it's a pretty neat deal. Even cooler: this year, they are doing their first event at a naval base, and the tennis lessons will happen on the deck of a freaking air craft carrier!
Kind of like this, but cooler.
My one question: will the ballboys be in scuba gear?
People who borrow stuff and never bring it back annoy the crap out of me. We have a cart outside of our office that clearly says "Property of Internal Communications." Anyone is free to use it, just give us the courtesy of letting us know. But it disappeared for a week and was found locked in some random closet. And now, our cooler is gone. Again, just ASK people. Otherwise we're going to have to start bolting things to the floor.
Started watching Bachelor Party for the first time this weekend. Not sure why I never saw it back in the day (although it's fairly racy for a then 8-year-old), and not sure why I randomly decided to watch it now. But Tawny Kitaen?? That was a surprise. Didn't know she could do anything aside from writhe on the hood of a car. Atta girl.
Bonus: the movie is so very 80s. Which makes everything more fun.
No Bachelorette last night, so I will instead focus my rant on DeMario and Corinne, whose behavior has apparently halted production on my treasured summer trash TV show, Bachelor in Paradise. How dare you. I say again, how dare you. I mean, what else am I going to do this summer - go outside???
Didn't think I was going to want to see Wonder Woman - not a huge comic book movie fan - but went yesterday and she's a total bad-ass. (And looks stunning doing it.) Some cheesy lines/moments, but all in all an excellent girl power movie.
Went to see a Chicago cover band last night. They were NOT good. Now, Peter Cetera has a voice that is hard to replicate. I get it. But man. we made it through the first set and I couldn't take a butchering of "You're the Inspiration," so we left. Not a "Hard Habit to Break," as it turns out. We could "Look Away." (Okay, I'm done. Plus I don't know any more Chicago songs.)
Being (temporarily and voluntarily) gluten free is a real pain in the ass sometimes. Like tonight - going to this Italian restaurant that is supposed to be awesome, and basically the entire menu is pizza and pasta (um, obvi). I called to see if anything could be made GF, and the answer was "not much." So everyone else will be digging into a delicious pizza and I'll be over there with my little salad (and no breadsticks), like "hey."
We took communion in church on Sunday, and I couldn't even partake in that. #sorrygod
Another week, another few reasons to love Rachel Lindsay more.
She sends DeMario packing, even after he pleads with a "joy and pain" speech about wanting to move forward. She tells him he should move forward - right off the property. BURN! #boybye
Whaboom tells Rachel that Blake stands over him at night while he sleeps, licking a banana. Although Blake denies this, Rachel realizes both of these doofuses are, well, doofuses, and sends them packing. Which leads to the girliest catfight I have ever seen between two men. Neither of them will be getting laid for a while, methinks.
Another one who won't be getting laid but is somehow still around is the tickle monster, Jonathan - who busts out these babies (as modeled by Chris Harrison):
Seriously. He uses this while chatting with Rachel. I would say #facepalm but you could really hurt yourself.
Ready for a fresh start, it's time for a group date with Bryan, Jonathan, Alex, Peter, Will and Fred - on the Ellen show, of course! Ellen makes the guys take their shirts off and give lap dances to the women in the audience - including grandmothers. Alex the Russian makes a good impression, both dancing and playing Never Have I Ever, where three guys admit to kissing Rachel and the other three are left feeling stupid. One of these is poor Fred, who can't seem to break out of the "bad kid at camp" memory for Rachel. So he asks if he can kiss her, and while she rolls her eyes at the awkwardness of that, he goes for it. He is thrilled with the result; Rachel, not so much. She escorts him right out of the building to the exit limo and instead gives the group date rose to Alex. Da!
Anthony gets the one-on-one date, and it involves riding horses down Rodeo Drive. Into stores, on horseback. Of course the horses poop in the stores because that's what they do, but Rachel and Anthony laugh it off and enjoy their new boots and hats and "too glam to give a damn" shirts. #productplug At dinner, Anthony talks about his parents and how he wants to be a good father, and Rachel wants to know more. He gets the rose.
At home, Eric is freaking out a bit, telling everyone he doesn't know how Rachel feels and maybe she's playing a game until she gets what she wants. He's just going to ask her. Iggy tries to calm him down but just gets yelled at. Eric is happy to know he's on the next group date (Iggy is not), along with Brady, Dean, Adam, Kenny, Bryce, Lee and Jack. Rachel's posse from Nick's season is back (Corinne, Jasmine, Alexis and Raven), to give her the dirt on who's here for the right reasons. They hear from Bryce and Lee that Eric isn't, but before they can convey the news the guys have to mud wrestle. In front of a huge crowd of rowdy women. Yeah, role reversal!! The guys once again doff their shirts and hit the mud, and after a closely fought finale, Bryce beats Kenny.
Eric manages to get his coveted time with Rachel and asks about her feelings, She reassures him by giving him the group date rose.
But Rachel later tells Eric what Bryce and Lee said, leading him to blow up and deny ever saying anything. Lee thinks Eric needs to know more about life, having never been in love, but Eric doesn't agree. The fight escalates and we're hit with a To Be Continued...
I don't know why this Paris Climate Accord business has my panties in a bunch, but it does. I mean, every day there's something new and jaw-dropping (how exhausted must reporters be from the daily "breaking news!"??), but this is a new low. And so late last night when I couldn't sleep I decided to let the leaders know how I felt. Via angry tweets, of course. I tweeted Trump, Melania, Ted Cruz and John Cornyn. I know they won't read them, but somehow it made me feel better, like I was doing something. You're welcome, world.