Holy crap it's really happening

Big day, people. Closing on the house today. MY house. All 3 bedrooms and 2 baths of it. All two-car garage and backyard shed (where I will store the tools I do not own). It took a while to figure out what to wear today. I want to look employed, you know what I mean? Plus my realtor wants to get a pic of me in front of the house after we close. And this could be my Christmas card, so no pressure.

Just went to the bank and withdrew the biggest cashier's check I have ever held in my possession. I kept expecting the teller to be like "um, no sweetie. Nice try." But she didn't even bat an eyelash. (She did congratulate me, however.)

I think champagne is in order.

Is this thing on?

We have had a mic stand (with a microphone) in our office for like two months, since the lip sync contest kept getting postponed due to weather. But seeing people's reaction to the mic was so hilarious. Everyone who came into the office would step up to the mic and either pretend to sing, ask "is this thing on?" and tap it, or just pretend to speak into it like they were at a town council meeting or something. Personally, my mind goes to spelling bees, so I always stepped up to the mic and asked "could you use it in a sentence?"

Good times, people. Good times.

Weekend Wrap-up

Our high school reunion was a blast. Got caught up with old friends, re-made new ones and even tried on someone's graduation dress for kicks. AND found out that I got the house! Going on the final walk-through today, but closing this week (god willing). #graduatinginreallife

I saw the sign

Unbelievably, I have my 20-year high school reunion this weekend. I certainly don't feel that old. I vowed after my 15th that I wouldn't go to the 20th unless I was pregnant/engaged/married/had something exciting to report. Annnnnnd none of the above. But here we are. Will still be fun to see everyone, and admire how much better everyone looks than we did in 1995 (I personally would like to thank eyebrow waxing and Botox). Me being me, I burned 90s mega-mix CDs for everyone as a party favor. Of course, these are songs I was listening to in the 90s, so not everyone's musical tastes will be served, but come on - who doesn't love Ace of Base?! (Okay, a lot of people. Sorry ladies.)

And we hit yet another speed bump on the real estate highway

Got the appraisal on the house - $20K less than the sale price. Dear god. I don't have $20K. (And if I did, I'd be buying a nice house! Hey-oh)

So now it's up to the sellers to prove the house's worth, so we wait. Good thing I already bought patio furniture - I'll need something to sit on when living on the street corner.

She must be a yankee. Southern dogs wouldn't act this way.

Obviously my phone doesn't ring enough. Now whenever it does, my dog starts barking because she knows it's the concierge calling to tell me I have a visitor. And she doesn't like visitors, so she barks at them. But this whole pre-barking, I-know-someone-is-coming-inside-and-I-don't-like-it thing, is new. Jesus. I have not raised the best hostess. #sorry

Taking things literally. Literally.

At an arts festival a few weeks ago, this lady came up and told me how much she liked my dress. Obviously joking, I said "thank you - my job here is done!" And then she asked what I did for work. I answered, but noticed she seemed perplexed. I realized that she thought I literally meant "my JOB" when I said "my job here is done." Um, it's a very common phrase...

Artsy fartsy

I try to be a cultured person, but who are we kidding - I watch The Bachelor obsessively. Which is why I found it amusing that Friday night at the "Late Night at the DMA," I saw three people I knew. All guys, which my date found NOT as amusing, but still. Maybe if I can't be artsy, I can at least surround myself with people that are. And hope for that whole osmosis thing to kick in.

Dogs: 2, Humans: 0

Was awakened in the middle of the night to that horrible sound of the dog puking. All over the sheets and all over me. In hindsight, perhaps not the best idea to give her turkey pepperoni. Though she seemed to enjoy it last night. #sigh #dogsareexcellentprepworkforactualkids

Dogs, 1: Humans: 0

As Charlie was licking my face this morning, I thought to myself how lucky dogs are - they don't get morning breath. Their breath always smells like that. Actually, maybe dogs aren't so lucky after all...

Time is NOT on my side.

Finally figured out how to change the clock in my bedroom to correctly reflect the time after Daylight Saving Time. However, for some reason the clock alarm is now going off at midnight every night. So not sure which is worse - thinking it's an hour earlier than it actually is, or getting woken up in the middle of the night. Not sure why I find this clock to be so difficult to manuever. Maybe I'll just get a sundial and do as the Romans did.

Baby steps to April 24. Baby steps to April 24.

Well, we're down to the appraisal portion of the home-buying process, and it amuses me (translation: makes me insane) how many documents they need from me on a daily basis. 401k information, tax returns, pay stubs, medical history, genealogy, blood type...(it's possible I made a few of those up, but you catch my drift.)

Thank god I have a scanner in my office - this shiz is seriously time consuming. But I keep telling myself it will all be worth it...right?!

Probably NOT found in the school's Dewey Decimal System

They have made the four "Flowers in the Attic" books into movies for the Lifetime network (how appropriate), and I am ashamed to admit I've watched all four. I never read the books in middle school like some of the cool girls in my class did, but good lord they're juicy! The incest! The sex! The intrigue! And did I mention the incest?! So some girls were getting educated on life, while I was reading Babysitter's Club books. Sounds about right.

Close shave. A little TOO close,

Apologies for the second girlie post in a row, but I find it mind-boggling that, after 25 years of shaving my legs, I can still nick them to the point of having to wear Band-aids to work. Seriously folks. I am 37. It can't be this difficult. Kind of gives that whole laser hair removal argument some legs. Literally. Ha.

Nailed it.

I finally sucked it up and got the gel manicure when I was in Colorado, and holy hell if that stuff isn't amazing. It has been almost two weeks and not even a chip! Kind of wondering if this stuff ever comes off, or if I just have to wait for my nails to grow and it grows off. Eeks. Good thing I like the color... #firstworldproblems

California here we come

Have a weeklong trip to California coming up for work. Headed to San Francisco, LA and San Diego and I'm really hitting the high points while I'm there:

• Day trip to wine country (Napa and Sonoma)
• Dinner at Sur (shout-out, Vanderpump Rules!)
• Sunset train down the coast from LA to San Diego
• Possible visit to the San Diego Zoo

No surfing this trip, which saddens me, but I'll do my best to make up for it.

I don't want to live in a world where Duke is the national champion.

I can't watch Sportscenter. I can't listen to Mike and Mike while walking the dog. I can't read the news online. I have to scroll past the status updates of friends who went to Duke/are Duke fans. It's hard when evil wins over good, but I will wear my Puke shirt with pride and hope UNC rocks it in 2016.

And clearly I'm not the only one:

WWJD?

I hope the following post doesn't offend any church-going Christians, but...my mom and I did NOT go to church on Easter Sunday. We actually thought about it, but in the end decided that watching six hours of The Bible mini-series on TV counted for something. We also happened upon a strangely abandoned Easter egg hunt in a garden near my apartment, which we felt was some sort of message from above. (And yes, we put the eggs back. Message received.)

Happy Easter everybunny!

Holy deja vu

Put an offer on another house on Wednesday; contract signed last night. I know I've done this before (and very recently, in fact), so I can't get too excited, but I CAN'T HELP IT. It is so cute and the closet is so big and the kitchen is so Carolina blue omg omg omg annnnnd breathe.

Closing date is April 24 so fingers and toes crossed everything goes okay...


#eeks

Now THIS is good direct mail marketing.

Seeing this in the mail still doesn't make me want to open it, but I did get a good chuckle. So it's a mini-win...

#humpday

It's like a veritable who's who of Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure.

Lots of people like to name their kids after someone in their family. Honor a grandparent, a mother's maiden name, what have you. My family line includes the following not-so-typical names:

Socrates
Ulysses
Agamemnon

Dead serious. There was a Socrates Stockton. (And not too far back on the family tree, either - I'm not talking about ancient Greece.)

I think I will have to pass on passing these on, should I have kids. Although we did have a giggle at naming a baby girl "Ulyssa."