Quite a catch.

I was scrolling through the Guide channel on the TV last night, and a show title caught my eye: "Top Hooker." Is this some sort of reality competition for prostitutes?! Odd that it's on Animal Planet...

I learned, after investigation, that it's actually about fishing. A+ for the clever (and potentially misleading) title, folks.

Guess I should have sprung for HBO for Mother's Day

My mom lives with my grandmother, so when she wants to watch shows that aren't musicals or Emma, she has been watching on her computer. She is a fan of Game of Thrones, but has apparently opted to watch the show from an illegal (pirated) source. When she went to turn on her computer yesterday, she was greeted with this:

 

Paragraph three is particularly awesome - the FBI has shut down her computer for watching child pornography. And she has to pay a $300 fine. Way to go, mom.

 

 

Upon further investigation, this seems to be a virus - but still. SUPER sketch. Anyone want to buy her the Game of Thrones on DVD?

NYC, day 1

Our flights were delayed getting to New York due to weather. (Weather in New York will be a recurring theme for the weekend - just a heads up.) A very bumpy ride, had to circle the airport for about 30 minutes, blah blah. I briefly debated pulling out the barf bag, but kept it together. For a while. Met up with my friend and we hopped in a cab to the hotel. 5pm, rain, rush hour traffic meant about an hour and a half cab ride. And I couldn't keep it together. Barfed multiple times in my friend's sandwich bag. Which I had to then give to the girl behind the front desk to throw away because I couldn't find a trash can anywhere. And to my horror (and my friend's amusement), she peered into the bag. Awesome.

Also in the cab, the little tv showed a clip of the weather forecast: Thursday, storms. Friday, more storms. Saturday, "Raw." (That doesn't sound good...) Sunday, "Still not great." That is a direct quote. And possibly the most awesome weather forecast ever. "See that little sun peeking out behind the clouds, kids? Well, don't get too excited - it's still not great."

We finally got to our hotel room and changed clothes for dinner. I begged to walk since I didn't think my stomach could handle another cab ride. We were feeling pretty good about ourselves, getting some compliments from random dudes on the street, until I walked over a grate and my dress blew up over my head. And I screamed, drawing even more attention to myself. Oh the humanity. A guy who was behind us and saw the whole debacle walked up ahead, turned around and winked, telling me it was a very "Marilyn Monroe moment." Sure, pal.

Dinner at Buddakan was awesome, and then we met another pal at The Smith, which was fun as well. Took some pictures with garbage on the way home (seriously - never in my life have I seen so much trash on the street), and prepped for a rainy (but not yet "raw") Friday.

More to come...

A tailor/magician, a knight in shining armor, and a guy with no shirt walk into a bar...

Tales from my NYC trip will have to wait - the Bachelorette is back!! And oh, how awkward it was.

We open with a cheesy montage of Des in Santa Monica - Rollerblading (?!), trying on lame pink cowboy hats (?!), and driving a super-cool light blue convertible Bentley without a hair out of place (?!). She grew up poor, she's Cinderella, she's ready for love, blah blah bring on the dudes.

I couldn't keep track of order of appearance, so here they are, alphabetically:

Ben: the cute dad from Dallas who gains an unfair advantage (and the first rose) by having his adorable son pop out of the limo in a tiny suit with a flower. All together now: awwwwwww.

Brad: No clue who this is. Rose.

Brandon: Rode up on a motorcycle, has had a tough life with no dad and an addict mom. Apparently Des likes that, because Rose.

Brian: Again, can't remember this guy. Rose.

Brooks: Shaggy hair, seems to get hotter as the season progresses. Rose.

Bryden: Iraq veteran with an unfortunate Ceasar haircut. Rose.

Chris: Cute but bland. Rose.

Dan: Cute - immediately thought "Dan and Des" sounded good together. Rose.

Diogo: Arrived in a full suit of armor. I couldn't stop wondering how hot he must have been inside that thing. No rose.

Drew: Seems a little effeminate to me...rose.

James: Huge neck and lots of hair gel. Seems to be the villain in future eps. Rose.

Jonathan: Hickory, NC in the house! But not for long - his repeated attempts to get Des alone in a "fantasy suite" resulted in him getting the boot before the rose ceremony.

Juan Pablo: Former pro soccer player from Venezuela with a hot accent. I couldn't help thinking of the movie "Alive," but I know that was Chile. Rose.

Kasey: The hashtag guy. Literally speaks in hashtags. Here's one for you, Kasey: #youareatool. Rose.

Larry: ER Doc who tried to dance with Des and made her trip (and possibly rip?) on her dress. Then had a creepy one-on-one where he kept putting his glasses on and off. No rose.

Micah: Arrived in a homemade (and hideous) jacket. No rose.

Michael G: Looks like James Marsden to me. Federal prosecutor. Rose.

Mike R: Dental student who wore his white lab coat to meet Des. Felt particularly bad for the poor girl with braces who was featured in his intro video. No rose.

Mikey T: Aside from groaning when he said his name was Mikey, I don't remember him. Rose.

Nick M: Read an embarrassing poem to her upon getting out of the limo. Did have some funny things to say about magic in the closing credits. Rose.

Nick R: Tailor/magician. So many magic tricks. Like making Des disappear (by walking her into another room). Magic is dumb. No rose.

Robert: Claims he founded the spinning sign. Doubtful. Rose.

Will: Token African-American who likes to give high fives. Rose.

Zack K: Wore a tux and Converse sneaks. Rose.

Zak W: Really tan. Shirtless (and even pantless) for most of the night. Rose.


Looks like another thrilling season of fisticuffs, tears, ex-girlfriends, and crazy trips. Bring it.

These vagabond shoes...(ALL of them)

Off to NYC tomorrow for the weekend. Very excited. And probably over-packing. 3.5 days, 6 pairs of shoes, 10 outfits (not counting workout clothes)...too much? NEVER! Lots of good food, Annie, and rain ahead. Ooh- maybe I could squeeze in my galoshes...

(Last blog post until next week - happy Memorial Day!)

let's hope this is a joke.

A good excuse for pedicures

Sad that my dog knows it's time to go for a walk when I put on my flip-flops. Perhaps time to invest in nicer footwear. But they're just so damn comfortable! Flip-flops forevah.

Totally geeked out

IFC is showing reruns of Freaks and Geeks. It was only on TV for one season, but it is one of my favorite shows of all time. It's set in 1981, so the clothes are ridiculous, the music is awesome, and the cast includes Seth Rogen, James Franco, Linda Cardellini, Busy Philipps, Jason Segel, Lizzy Caplan, and Biff from Back to the Future. And it's about Freaks. And Geeks.
I mean, c'mon. Say no more.

And watch.

Additional tips for online dating profiles

Sadly, I speak from person experience:

1. A screen name like "Not_a_convict" isn't particularly comforting.

2. When you put the word "often" in your headline, please don't spell it "oftin."

3. Saying "I don't take good pictures" isn't the greatest selling point.

And this is just last week.

It's no "Donna Martin graduates."

The series finale of the new Beverly Hills, 90210 was on Monday, and oddly they gave it a HUGE send-off: an hour of behind-the-scenes interviews with the cast, and then an hour of the actual show. I get having a big to-do for the original Bev 9-er, as it was on for 10 years (and was awesome). But this one? Only 5 years. And no one watched it! (Well, aside from me.)

The new "Baby on Board?"

I don't really get the purpose of the family of stick figure stickers on the backs of minivans. First of all, most of them have like 5 kids and multiple pets. Seriously?? (Guess that's why they're driving a minivan.)

I decided to investigate - www.familystickers.com has an insane number of options. Here's my sad little sticker. (I may have selected "busty" for my body type. Don't judge.)

Does room service play fetch?

Dropped Charlie off at Camp Bow Wow this morning. Yes, Camp Bow Wow. It exists. I want to keep her there when I go to NYC in two weeks, but before they let you board your dog, you have to leave the dog there all day to see how she does. (Please god don't let her growl or bite anyone.)

When investigating doggie day care, I was amazed by how fancypants some of these places are.

Amenities include:

plush bedding in the suites

plenty of toys

spacious rooms and suites available

automatic water systems in each room

live streaming video to watch your pet at play

group or private play time

ice cream treat before bed

swimming pool for dogs

on-call veterinary services

on-site live-ins

outdoor pet walks

turn-down service including tummy rub

blow-outs

facials (?!)

Wonder if they'd let ME crash there for a weekend?

Move over, Diane Sawyer

I have to come up with little polls for our intranet's home page at work, and most weeks I'm fairly tapped out. For example, here's the latest poll:

Hard-hitting journalism, no?

I want my TRL

While combing through the obscene number of mixed CDs I have in my car, I found the unofficial  Boy Band Mix. So so good. And one of the songs, "This I Promise You" by NSYNC, made me want to re-watch the video.

Where to begin. So much wrong with this. The woods. The multitude of turtleneck sweaters. The bubbles. And of course, Justin's hair.

Enjoy.

Maybe it was SOUTH Carolina?

Was so excited to see another car with a Carolina sticker on it this morning that I sped up to see if it was anyone I know. (there aren't that many of us in Dallas) No, didn't know her, and she was smoking cloves. Really?? Come on, Tar Heels. Pull it together.

Doh wah diddy, indeed

Growing up, my dad's prize possession (aside from the tennis trophies, of course) was his jukebox. It was awesome - lit up, no quarter required to play it, and filled to the brim with old 45 records. That's the music I grew up listening to - Neil Sedaka, the Big Bopper, Lesley Gore, and my personal favorite, Barry Mann's "Who Put the Bomp." (Google it - the lyrics are ridiculous.) My friends would come over, we'd play dress up and then lipsynch to these songs. Lots of excellent doo wops and shama lama ding dogs, I assure you. Although I also remember "Sara" by Starship being in the mix - which certainly wasn't an oldie (um, at least it wasn't at the time) - maybe it was in my honor. I like to think so, anyway.

My dad still has the jukebox. Not sure it works anymore, but it still looks pretty damn cool. Just like my dad. :)

#ido

At one point during the Rangers game yesterday, they directed people's attention to the center scoreboard for announcements. No marriage proposals this time, but things like "congrats on your retirement, Bill!", etc. But it got me thinking - has anyone proposed on Twitter or Facebook? Like, just putting it out there for hundreds of friends to see? A bold move. Maybe that's how Zuckerberg did it. Or what the Winklevoss twins should do, when the time comes. Holy (ironic) matrimony, Batman.

Thank you for being a friend.

I've been watching lots of Golden Girls reruns lately (thanks, TVLand!). And while I find it funny (and sort of a Sex and the City for the elderly - Blanche is soooo Samantha!), it doesn't really age well (no pun intended). LOTS of 80s references that today's youth wouldn't get (sigh). Such as:

Jim and Tammy Faye
We Are the World
Gorbachev
etc.

But still - enjoyable. And taught me what a "lanai" was.

Feel the burn (90s style)

I may have done step aerobics this weekend. It's been so long since I've done "repeater knees" and "L steps" and "grapevines" that I felt obligated to bring up another hot workout trend from the 90s: the slide. Which I totally did back in the day, complete with the little booties to cover your shoes. Witness:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ej26y3dn27M

I am a disgrace to womankind

...but so help me, I couldn't get through one episode of "What Would Ryan Lochte Do?" Actually, I couldn't even get through five minutes. Oh, Ryan. So pretty. And sooooooo dumb.