Hare, meet tortoise

My mom went to Austin this weekend, so I was truly a single mom. We got stuff done - went to the swim class, went to the Arboretum (for 45 minutes, but still), went to a church friend's house and managed to walk the dog several times a day - but I had to laugh that it took 9 hours to complete one hour on the elliptical. I would get 10 minutes done, then she would wake up from her nap. Then three more minutes and the doorbell would ring. But hey - still counts, right??

How awful

Annnnnd this is my nightmare:

https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/4-year-old-boy-is-swept-out-to-sea-while-walking-on-the-outer-banks-with-his-mom/ar-AAwpvDl?ocid=spartanntp

Guess no beach trips for Georgie. Sorry not sorry.

Gram it

I'm digging the whole Instagram stories thing lately. I still don't really get the point, since they evaporate after 24 hours, but using stickers and GIFs (my latest discovery) is pretty rad. I do wish I could filter out some of the stories, though - really just want to see what my friends are posting (no offense, Shannen Doherty) - but all in all, good fun. And I guess you can post to FB stories, too? Although I am kind of over FB. Not because of the whole selling my private information thing (no biggie!), but more because I find it overwhelming. Too many sales posts, too many ads, not enough baby pictures from friends. So Instagram, you have won me over. #toughsell #notreally

That's my girl!

Georgie is a big fan of TV, and especially The Real Housewives. Just like her mama. It makes my mom so mad when I watch TV with the baby, but she pays rapt attention! I swear she recognizes the voices from when she was in the womb, and is now curious to see how everything turned out.

So she's a MAGIC princess, then

How. Just...how.

I don't look this good and it's been four months since I gave birth.

Didn't think this one through.

I signed Georgie and I up for four weeks of mama-baby "water fitness" classes. Which I assume will consist of moms in the pool doing squats and leg lifts while holding their babies. Georgie enjoys the bath, but has yet to be in a pool. So this could be a very expensive three minutes.

ALSO I failed to realize that means I have to get into a bathing suit four months post partum. OY. VEY.

Go girl

A friend set me up on a coffee date last weekend. It went so well, we talked about having kids. Because it wasn't a romantic date - it was with another single gal who is looking to become a mom. She is randomly using my same fertility doctor, and seemed like she definitely had her shit together. She said she dreamed of raising this baby among a tribe of strong women. Sounds good to me. Also sounds like this:

If that means I'm raising a little Wonder Woman, BRING IT.

Is there a doctor in the house?

So after a low fever, chills, nausea/lack of appetite and headache yesterday, I was convinced that I had the flu. Which I don't. My hypochondria knows no bounds - for the first 8 weeks of maternity leave, I literally had a headache every day. Must be a brain tumor, no? So I went and got a damn MRI (and beforehand worked myself up into a claustrophobic frenzy)...no tumor.

I guess the silver lining is I will be meeting my deductible in no time.

Easy, girl

Charlie is overall a great watchdog - she lets us know when the mail has arrived, barks loudly when workmen come over, etc. But sometimes when walking her she will bark at inanimate objects, and I guess she's not sure what they are so wants to cover her bases? Once she growled for a few minutes at a snowman. And more recently at a giant Easter bunny that a neighbor had on their porch. Oh, and a football. Because you never know. #safetyfirst

Suck it.

Little Georgie has her first cold ☹️, so over the weekend I busted out the snot sucker. It works like a charm, but my question is this: who was sitting around with their stuffed up baby one day and thought, "hey - I should just stick a tube up his nose and suck out the gunk!" Seriously folks. What a concept. It's like the enema of the nose world. But now I'm kind of obsessed with it, tbh.

The fish are coming with me

"This Kush..."

(Sorry - just watched Jerry Maguire again so it's all fresh in my mind.)

My mom really wanted to get some fish for our outdoor "water feature." So at PetSmart yesterday, we asked the very knowledgeable and very colorfully haired girl in the reptile and fish section. She recommended goldfish, and to start with the cheap ones in case raccoons ate them. Alrighty.

My mom saw one tank and the goldfish were $1.50. We decided those would be fine, but the girl sais the tank below was a better choice. My mom was like, "but those are $14!" The girl said "no, they're 14 CENTS." I'm sorry, what?? Two fish and some fish food later, we walked out of there with $8 less. That's my kind of pet.

And considering they probably did not survive the night, it's a good thing they cost less than a quarter.

#facepalm

Listening to the 90s on 9 this morning on the way to work, the song "Sweat" came on. Y'all know which one I mean:

Soooo I JUST understood what the song is about. Not sure what the hell I was thinking back in high school - like he wanted her to work out? He was her personal trainer?? - but lawd. Explains a lot about my (lack of a) social life back then.

K stands for Ka-ching

I have been reading children's books to Georgie lately (duh), and it dawned on me: most of these are pretty dumb. I could do this. I SHOULD do this. Like literally one last night - every page said

"Do monkeys [turtles/camels/elephants/dolphins/etc] have mothers?"
*turn the page*
YES! They have mothers just like you!

Seriously? Maybe this is how I make my millions. Put a total of 15 words down and make a book. Stay tuned.

Mariah in stilettos on the Stairmaster (MTV Cribs)? I see you and raise you.

Every time I give myself a pedicure, I mess them up the next morning when I shove my tootsies into sneakers and work out. Well, I finally beat the system and wore flip flops on the elliptical this morning. (Don't worry, this was at home, not at the gym.) It was weird but surprisingly breezy. #newtrend? #doubtful 

DJ Nana in the house

I don't know why, but I freaking LOVE this commercial. Mostly the DJ Nana part. And this weekend when my mom randomly proved she can recite most of "What I Am" by Eminem, I realized I just might have my very own DJ Nana on my hands. Although technically she goes by Gaga, so DJ Gaga. There you have it.

Let's do the time warp again

Drove to San Antonio this weekend with baby and my mom in tow (was too nervous to make the drive with the baby solo) to meet my dad, brother, sister-in-law and toddler nephew for a little family time. My parents went to Trinity University and they were having a tennis reunion, so I sort of thought we would be heading over to the college to watch my dad cut the ribbon at some hall of fame thing, but mostly we hung out in his giant hotel room. The cousins got to meet, which was adorable, and then it was time for dinner. My brother Googled nearby restaurants and decided we had to go to Magic Time Machine. Somehow this restaurant still exists in Dallas, and I remember it being super weird/fun when I was little, but haven't been back since I was like 8.

Well fear not - it's still super weird. In fact, the whole evening felt like a giant acid trip (not that I would know...). Most of the tables are still in little huts, and the waitstaff still dresses up in costumes (and act the part all night long). Our waiter was Ace Ventura, and I think he said "alrighty then" about 800 times. Also "hilarious" - the fact that you can get prime rib and lobster tail there. Why you would order that at Magic Time Machine is beyond me, but so is the entire restaurant concept. And then some lady came over the loudspeaker to announce face painting in one of the rooms, and again later because some poor kid was lost and couldn't figure out which hut his family was sitting in.

Considering I don't think I have eaten a meal with just my mom, dad and brother since my brother's high school graduation in 2001, this lunacy seems about right. At the very least, it was incredibly memorable.

Ta ta!

Breastfeeding is no joke, people. I leak all the time - even brought a jacket to work for additional coverage just in case. Trying to pump three times a day - and luckily we have a lactation room at the office - good times bonding with other girls with their tops off! (Don't get any ideas, boys - it's the opposite of sexy.) But my little piggy eats so much I am barely able to keep up. I've tried the lactation brownies (?!) and drinking some pink drink that's supposed to help, but who knows. Some days I really do just feel like a cow.

Holy sentence diagramming, Batman

I've often heard the phrase "single mom by choice" applied to mothers in my situation - those who decided to adopt or go to a sperm bank in order to have a child. However, I have to call BS on the "by choice" part of that phrase. This is NOT the choice I would have made if I HAD a choice. I'm not sure who would "choose" to do this on their own. Because guess what? It's hard. But I opted to do this because my life has turned out the way it has, and I wanted to be a mother. So the "mom by choice" part is right - just not the "single by choice" part. Capisce?

We are family

My uncle is super into ancestry and has traced my mom's family back hundreds of years. I know very little about my dad's side, and since Georgie doesn't HAVE a dad's side, my uncle wanted to do some research on the Stocktons. He found out some pretty cool stuff:

• My dad's father's name was Stockton Newman, and at some point he changed it to Richard Stockton. (Hello, Newman.)
• The Stocktons can be traced back to a Richard L Stockton who signed the Declaration of Independence and was good friends with George and Martha Washington. He also donated the land that became Princeton University. (scholarship for Georgie???)
• His grandson Robert Field Stockton was a Commodore in the Navy, and both Stockton, California and Fort Stockton in Texas were named after him. ("Stock-town, the Bay Area and back-down")
• We also have several relatives named Socrates, and even a Hippolite (Greece is the word, apparently)

My uncle is still investigating, but so far, so cool in my opinion. #gostocktonsgo #ornewmans

Paging Dolly Parton

So this "breastfeeding will make you drop the weight" thing is an urban legend. And for me, it's a myth. Not sure what's happening, but I am still a good 10-15 pounds away from where I want to be. And it's super depressing. I can only hope that each boob weighs 5 pounds (they certainly feel that way!), but I have a feeling it's just fat. I've been working out since the baby was 8 days old, but breastfeeding makes you hungry and you have to eat a certain amount of calories to continue. Doubt those calories need to come from Red Vines like mine do, but still. Unfortunately summer is coming (heh - take THAT, Game of Thrones!), and mama may be rocking a muumuu at the pool. Whatever - the baby is cute enough to take attention away from my gigantic bosoms. Hopefully.

Lime jello, please

Decided against bringing Georgie to church for the first time on Easter Sunday - figured it would be an absolute madhouse. So we opted for the madhouse of Easter Sunday brunch instead. She slept through most of it, but I did enjoy several oohs and ahs from the elderly patrons at the cafeteria. (Yep, we fancy like that)