Going back to yesteryear isn't always a good idea.

Everyone else's Facebook Memories are so cute - pictures from their wedding, baby pictures of their kids, etc. Mine are just dumb posts that I apparently found funny back in 2010 which are really not. They are just lame. Or they are photos with ridiculously blonde hair that looks so bad I wouldn't re-post if you paid me. Jeez - I'm lucky my Facebook friends have stuck with me through those dark days/months/years. And perhaps someday I'll have something worthy of re-sharing. But not today.

Picture it: Sicily, 1860

Am I the only person who still uses a check register to keep her bank account balanced? Because I do. Every time I use my debit card. Like a giant dork. I pull it out in stores, bars, etc. - because god forbid I should forget to deduct that $23.65 I just spent at CVS. I know, I know - do it online - but I just like the satisfaction of knowing how much I have (or don't have, as the case may be) at that exact moment I spend it. I'm probably the only one who goes to the bank specifically to get more registers. Those things go quickly, man. For sho.

#firstworlddatingproblems

Latest dating app issue: when togging between Bumble and Tinder, I forget that you swipe left/right to see other Tinder photos, while you swipe up/down on Bumble. When you accidentally swipe up on Tinder, it interprets as a "SUPER LIKE." And 99% of the time, I meant to swipe left. So a SUPER DISLIKE, if you will. Sigh. The struggle is real.

It's a who's who and a where's where of our fair city

Since the women are so embarrassing on Real Housewives of Dallas, I've decided to keep watching ONLY for location scouting purposes - to see if I've been where they've been. (and possibly for blog fodder.) Last night didn't disappoint - Bistro 31 is like my FAVE. And nice call on Breadwinners (perhaps the Lovers/Inwood location? It certainly wasn't Uptown...). But oh, La Bare. REALLY ladies. I went there one time for my 18th birthday, and was scarred for life. Although I did get a photo with Randy the Master Blaster, who is somehow still doing his thing all these years later.

Dearly Departed

Although I consider myself more of a Michael Jackson fan than a Prince fan, Prince's death made me sadder than I realized. So many amazing songs - both that he performed and that he wrote for others (Manic Monday, hello!). Until yesterday, I had ashamedly never seen Purple Rain. And although it looks super dated, it's really good. And the soundtrack literally rocks. I think the best "celebrity" tribute I saw online belongs to BB-8. Who I am now of course following on Twitter.

Green thumb, or at least a green middle finger

I planted a vegetable garden, and the little guys are sprouting up like crazy! Unfortunately I planted so many different things in there (9 to be exact) that I have no idea what's what. (I also have no idea when to "harvest" them, so we may never know.) At least it looks productive over there.

The TIME is now

Having a major geek-out moment: I learned that for $2.99, I can become a Time magazine digital subscriber and get access to all the mag's archives. Dating back to 1923. You can simply type in a year, and every cover from that year pops up. You can then read all the articles from the desired issue. I may or may not have read the Molly Ringwald cover story from 1986. Next up: Kennedy assassination. (Clearly going in order of historical significance here.)

Poop jokes stop being funny at some point

Episode two of Real Housewives of Dallas continued in the downward spiral, with a theme of poop, apparently. So many mentions of poop in an hour, y'all. (And one unfortunate "jizz" reference.) I can't even. It's really embarrassing to watch, and even more embarrassing that I will continue to watch this trainwreck. Damn you, Bravo.

Having a psychic break

Went to a wedding this weekend that was more like a carnival - they had a petting zoo, cigar roller, caricature artist, photo booth, bocce ball court and a psychic, plus the usual wedding suspects (band, bar, dj). I waited for like 45 minutes to get my caricature done, and the end result was so offensive I threw it away. And then it was time for the psychic. She read these animal cards, rather than tarot cards, and I drew the scariest ones: Weasel. Gorilla. Spider.


I was hoping to hear something optimistic and prophetic like "you're getting married this year!", but instead it was much more broad - "you have big decisions to  make," "listen to your inner voice," and the ever-popular "change is coming." She did say something about pursuing writing, so I guess that's somewhat closer to being true, but still. Kind of a waste. Bonus points for having a crystal ball, though she didn't look into it. #fail

I survived Airbnb - and so can you

So we decided to try Airbnb for the Final Four. I mean, the Days Inn was $400/night - surely staying at someone's house would be cheaper. And it was - I found a room for $70/night just 2 miles from NRG Arena! Most people I know who have used this site had the place to themselves, but our hostess was there all weekend. With her live-in boyfriend. And her two dogs. But it was really okay, although my mom was not impressed by the cleanliness in general. We had our own room and our own bathroom, and free use of the gigantic TV in the den. Clearly our hostess meant it - on Sunday morning I was doing yoga out there on my portable DVD player, and she insisted that we put it on the big screen. Of course, I was almost finished and now had to start over, so after a solid hour of yoga I was so sore I could barely move the rest of the weekend. Plus the fact that her boyfriend woke up and she cooked everyone breakfast while the crowd watched me attempt The Crow with my ass in the air. Good times. But at only $70, it was worth it. I hope.

Put that in your pipe and toast it

I just learned that there are 22 Pop-tart flavors. 22???!!! Good grief. Strawberry was just fine when I was growing up, thank you very much.  However, I will admit that gingerbread sounds good. As does brown sugar cinnamon. But confetti cupcake, frosted smores and chocolate chip cookie dough make my teeth ache just thinking about the sugar overload. Man I'm old.

This cracks me up.

I don't have a spouse, but I imagine this would be very accurate if I did. #sorrynotsorry

RHOD-iculous

Of course I watched Real Housewives of Dallas last night, and of course it was tragic. A few thoughts:


Holy botox, ladies. You don't have to look surprised all the time...
Irving (aka Las Colinas) is not Dallas.
No one says "Jesus juice." Except for these ladies, apparently.
Sorry Plano, but that WAS a good dis. ("it's getting very Plano in here.")
I never got a DIFFA swag bag either.
That "charity event" seemed pretty sad.
We may have our first carny housewife.


It was a complete waste of my time, but sadly I will be watching next week.

Where are the flying cars when you really need one??

It's all fun and games until it takes you two hours to get to work in the morning. What a beating. Thankfully I had Sirius XM, so when Entertainment Weekly radio asked listeners to call in with their favorite on-screen band, I immediately called in. They ended up not using my amazing contribution, so I will give it to you now:


(Tie)
Hey, That's My Bike (Reality Bites)
Frozen Embryos (My So-Called Life)


And then let the hosts duke out who was better - Ethan Hawke or Jared Leto. Coulda woulda shoulda I guess.

#daisypower

My high school alma mater is pretty amazing. And so are the graduates. We learned via social media that Kief, the Ethiopian parking lot attendant who is possibly the nicest man alive, is retiring after 30 years. One alum started a GoFundMe campaign, hoping to raise $10,000 to present to him as a retirement gift. In four days, Hockaday alums have raised almost $150,000. In FOUR DAYS. Amazing, no?

Something's afoot at the Circle K. Or on my street.

I got up early Saturday morning to walk to dog - like 5am - and noticed a woman coming out of a house across the street. She walked across the street and into the house next door to mine. At 5am. In the dark. And it reminded me that I had seen her do the same thing before. How very odd. Is she having an affair with a neighbor? Is she a sleepwalker? Why are front doors being left unlocked? Did I move into a swingers area? Why so many questions??


To be continued...

Yeehaw

Heard on the radio that today is the 30th anniversary of the "Don't Mess with Texas" campaign. Possibly because I was 8 at the time, or possibly because I'm an idiot, I'm not sure I ever knew it was an anti-litter promotion. Just thought it was a cool saying, like "Everything's bigger in Texas." Oops.

That's how basketball go

As a friend put it, "Well, that sucked, then it didn't, and then it really did." Pretty much sums up last night's game. It was awesome to be there, but of course would have been more awesome if we had won. And apparently Villanova fans are almost as annoying as Duke fans. But how cool to have 51 former Tar Heel players in the crowd, including Mr. Michael Jordan. I tried to stalk as many players as I could at the team hotel, but vowed if I saw MJ I might faint. (I did not, and I did not.)


Amazing season, and hopefully today will suck a little less than yesterday. #goheels

Moonwalk

Hit NASA yesterday and it was out of this world (ahem). Got to go inside a shuttle replica, sample astronaut ice cream, touch a moon rock and try on an orange spacesuit. Not sure I was really supposed to do that last one, but it made for an excellent Instagram picture. I bought a NASA hat, but what I really wanted (aside from the spacesuit - take a note, Santa) was the shirt that said "Size matters. Ask Pluto." Aw. #teampluto #sciencenerdhumor


Also, going home to watch Space Camp as soon as possible.

How to pack for the Final Four in two easy steps

1. Shove all of your school-colored clothing into a suitcase
2. Sit on said suitcase until it closes


DONE