The Sausage King of Chicago

At my suggestion (shocking), we're having the first-ever movie night at work tonight, and of course I chose the film: Ferris Bueller's Day Off. And of course I'm wearing my "Save Ferris" t-shirt. Because of course I own one.

F@&$

Sorry about the title - was channeling my inner Eminem. Who I have rediscovered my love for - so much so that I made an Eminem mega mix (or "Eminemix" if you will) yesterday and have been cranking it UP in the car. (Man I'm gangsta.)

MTV has been airing "best performances of the VMAs" videos this week, and I caught "The Real Slim Shady" where Eminem walks in with 100 bleached blonde, wife-beater-wearing look-alikes...greatness.

I think it's his anger that makes him so attractive to me. (And yes, I know that sounds AWFUL.) But he's just soooo angry.

Imports/Exports

Gotta give credit where it's due: saw this guy's profile on Match with the screen name "Art Vandelay." Good stuff.

Channeling FDR

Last week I was tasked with testing out the webcam capabilities at work in order to record a presentation by our CEO. He would stand in front of a screen with PowerPoint slides, which we tested on the camera, but I of course wanted something more. So I asked our IT wiz to download a roaring fire to create a fireside chat. And he did. So the above is what we came up with. Sadly, the CEO ended up using the slides anyway. But how great would it have been for him to rock some sort of cardigan sweater in front of the "fire," remove a pipe from his mouth, and delve into the meeting.

(Note: this is why I'm not a CEO.)

Sounds like I'm telling a joke, but it's true

Remember the sweet mentally challenged guy at my gym who has a crush on me? (as opposed to the OTHER guy who has a crush on me...ha) This morning he was regaling us with his birthday party details, and said he went to dinner with a friend and had a Long Island iced tea, a hurricane, some whiskey...

Someone asked him what restaurant he went to. He said he couldn't remember.

(I wonder why.)

Thanks - I'll be here all week! Try the veal!

Why can't I stop watching this show. Seriously.

I'm sure not all of you watch Bachelor Pad (for shame!). Let me just say that last night's episode had two stand-out moments and two cringe-worthy moments (which I had to fast-forward through). (Okay, probably way more than two of the latter, but I don't want to write that much.)

Cringe-worthy Moment #1: When nutty Erica Rose kept pawing at Jake and I knew a serious mug-down was about to happen (and I was right. Ew.)

Cringe-worthy Moment #2: When Kasey serenaded Vienna. WHY DO PEOPLE DO THIS. I seriously can't deal.

Stand-out Moment #1: Bret f-ing Michaels. What the hell he was doing there, I have no idea - are they giving him a new show where he's a relationship coach? - but damn I heart him. And damn I miss Rock of Love.

Stand-out Moment #2: Synchronized swimming, people. SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMING. I heard an interview with Chris Harrison on the radio and he said the guys' Speedos were quite...revealing. HA. And the whole thing made me think of the best SNL sketch in history, featuring Martin Short in a life vest because he's "not a strong swimmer." Greatness.

So dunzo

With the whole Kim Kardashian wedding hoopla. And it really IS a hoopla. From the 6-foot wedding cake modeled after Will and Kate's, to her bridesmaids wearing white a la Pippa, who does this chick think she is - royalty? Um, you are famous for a sex tape, my dear.

And why didn't they have to pay for ANYTHING. Three free Vera Wang wedding dresses?? Yo, Vera. I'll wear a different one every hour on the hour if you want to give them to me gratis...

Yes, I bitch and moan. But yes, I will be watching the wedding special on E!. They've managed to suck me again yet again. Krap.