Perhaps I could use a Crest Whitestrip?

My dog's breath is bad. It's like...dog breath. So last night I decided to Martha Stewart it up and make doggie toothpaste. Somehow I had baking soda and bouillon cubes (?!), so managed to concoct something resembling toothpaste (with brown chicken-flavored bits). Of course, I didn't think about a toothbrush, so I just used my finger. She wasn't thrilled, but wasn't completely against the idea, either. And her breath even seemed to be a bit better. Until she puked everything up this morning on the couch. Oops.

And just think if it had popped

There are little things as dangerous as driving with helium balloons in the car. They bounce around, going from front seat to back seat to driver's seat, they make it nearly impossible to change lanes since you can't see out the window...

Survived a death-defying drive while just trying to bring a happy birthday balloon to a co-worker.

Fall Shows - yay or nay

So I've watched a few of the new fall shows, and I have three front-runners. Which probably means they will be cancelled by November.

1. The Goldbergs. Mostly because it's set in the 80s, but it's also fairly amusing.
2. Trophy Wife. Awesome cast.
3. Super Fun Night. I didn't want to like this one, and it has the worst title ever, but it was actually pretty funny. Dangit Rebel Wilson.

A few I do NOT like:

1. Back in the Game. Why, James Caan. Why.
2. We Are Men. Why, Kal Penn. Why.

Jury's still out on Lucky 7, though.

McGruff: taking a bite out of crime

I'm sure you are waiting for a blog about my "intruder," but there's not much more to say. I have been robbed before in a previous apartment, so definitely felt safe in my new place. Until this week. It really freaked me out to find someone in my bed. (Insert single girl joke here) I knew the building was secure from outsiders getting in, but didn't think about the people on my own floor, so yes, I now lock the door every time I leave. I'm also going to buy my poor dog a life-size bone for being such a good watchdog (even though I completely disregarded her barking). As for the neighbor, he came over with his wife yesterday afternoon to apologize - I didn't want to answer the door because it was just all so mortifying, but it was very mature of him to do so. Moral of the story: Ambien and alcohol don't mix, kids!

Way-back Wednesday

I totally remember this commercial. Happy to report I never had a Teddy Ruxpin, though.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8EshrR-xk2E

Passing out candy. Emphasis on "passing out."

Why do people keep asking me to play Candy Crush? I don't want to play. What part of my Facebook profile would make you think that I would be interested? No. Just no.

The Hand that Walked the Poodle

It may be because it's October that my mind is going to scary and illogical places, but I am convinced that my dog-walker is trying to lure my dog away from me. It started innocently enough, with little gifts here and there - a sweater, some new dog treats. And last week, a mat for her food dishes that says something stupid like "Puppy Princess" or something. But yesterday, we ran into her on our walk after work, and she said "I would take her home with me right now if I could!"

And clearly it's working - Charlie totally prefers her to me, jumping into her arms and licking her face while I stand there holding her leash like a jackass. She even cried and cried when the dog-walker left yesterday, again leaving me standing there like, well, you know. Maybe I should just let them be together like they clearly desire. Or maybe I'll find a new dog-walker. One who is NOT Rebecca DeMornay.