More bounce in California

Cali is great so far - started a bit rocky when the airport shuttle went to the wrong airport in Dallas, but turns out the other girl in the van was leaving from there. Heart attack averted. Then I got here and realized I somehow forgot to pack a brush and deodorant, both of which are fairly necessary, but luckily there's a CVS in walking distance so I've been there twice already. Today I'm going to rent a bike and cruise down to Venice Beach and Manhattan Beach, and tomorrow is the big surfing lesson. Eeks. #hangten

California here we come

Off to Hermosa Beach for a little vacay. Semi-sad that it's a solo vacation, but I don't really mind. (And not to worry - I bought one of those selfie extenders so I'll look like a complete jackass on the beach, taking pictures of myself.) I plan on cruising the boardwalk, biking to Santa Monica, renting a stand-up paddle board and taking my first surfing lesson (unfortunately timed with Shark Week). Should be beachy and relaxing and considering I haven't been to LA since I lived there in 2000, I'm pretty psyched to - in the immortal words of LL Cool J - be goin back to Cali. #lalaland

Kids say the darndest things

An SVP  brought her daughter to work today. She spied me and waved, so I invited her to come to my office to help me "work." I asked how old she was - "four and three-quarters." (aw) She was overjoyed by the array of stress balls and toys I have at my desk, and hoarded them all immediately. She looked at me, all serious, and asked, "Do you have a baby?" I said no. "Do you have kids?" I said no. "Then I can have all of these?" Ummm I guess so. Makes a pretty valid argument for someone not quite 5. And now my desk looks soooo clean.

Bachelor in Paradise recap: #YOPO

(That's "You Only Paradise Once," which is apparently a thing. Among the 14 people on this show. #sigh)

This episode has a TON of crazy, starting with the very beginning. We learn that Michelle K (who left before the rose ceremony on her own last week) was having a not-so-secret rendezvous involving dental floss with the unfortunately named crew member Ryan Putz. (Seriously?! His last name is Putz?! Amazing.) We are then treated to a very sad and bizarre reenactment, which doesn't seem necessary - I can just explain it to you. After the rose ceremony, Michelle slams the door in host Chris Harrison's face not once, but twice ("He's only the HOST!"), and when another producer knocks the next day, Ryan is in the room with Michelle and panics, deciding to JUMP OFF THE BALCONY. And breaks both feet or ankles (we next see him in a hospital room with casts on both legs.) Holy crap. What a putz.

Back to the people still on the show...time for some new blood, and by that I mean more dudes in paradise! Chris Bukowski is back, people. He has now appeared on four iterations of this show, which has got to be A. some kind of record and 2. a fact that makes me very sad. He of course has a date card, and asks Clare to get pampered (aka couples massage!), and since Clare is desperate to make a connection with anyone at this point, she enjoys the rubdown.

Dylan is beginning to feel smothered by crazy Elise and tells her they should "see other people." Since most of these "other people" are coupled up, Elise has little choice but to pounce on Chris, who is back from his date with Clare and jumps at the chance to do "sexually amazing things" to Elise in the ocean for all to witness. Once Dylan finds out, he is not amused (even though Elise says she was thinking of him the whole time?!) and is pretty over the whole Elise thing, telling her not to offer him a rose (burn!). But since she's crazy, Elise sees this as just a little bump in the road. #foreshadowing

Time for another new arrival: Zack! I barely remember Zack, but clearly Clare does - she squeals that she's been waiting for him and leaps into his arms. Clare says Zack is low maintenance and drama free, which is good since she is the opposite of those things. And I guess she's over the Chris couples massage? And the ruins date with Robert? And Graham? But I digress. Zack has a date card, and chooses Clare. I think we all breathed a sigh of relief.

Elise can't stop talking about her "relationship" with Dylan, and how everything is going just as she had hoped (what the hell is wrong with this girl?!). Chris is not amused that his chosen gf is mooning over someone he has nicknamed "Fat Damon" (the plumped up version of Matt Damon). But Dylan doesn't care - he wants to date Sarah and offers her the date card. Sarah is torn - Elise is her best friend - but agrees to dinner and they have a lovely time. Elise is a little pissed - "I told them they could go on a date, but not fall in love!" and has yet another DTR chat with Dylan on the beach. He again pushes her towards Chris, and she makes him repeat himself about 18 times. She refuses to grasp what he's trying to say, telling him"You are LITERALLY killing me!" Um, that is not the proper use of the word "literally." Isn't this chick a school teacher??

Marcus rifles through Ben's bag stumbles upon a love letter written to Ben from a seeming girlfriend back home in Dallas, and he and Marquel decide to confront yet another contestant there "for the wrong reasons." Which really should be a drinking game. Ben cops to being in love, and can't understand why this is so upsetting to everyone. (I can't understand why this makes Michelle Money sob, but whatever - it's not always sunny in Paradise, thanks Elise.) Ben packs his bags, bids farewell to Hollywood and vows never to be on TV again. #sure

Now that those there for the wrong reasons have departed (take a shot), it's time for the rose ceremony.

Marcus and Lacy
Graham and AshLee
Clare and Zack
Michelle and Marquel (tricky, since Marquel told her she drinks too much!)
Elise and Dylan. Who turns her down. As he said he would. Prompting a very awkward and crazy speech from Elise. Who I hope was drunk but somehow don't think so. And then turns and offers the rose to Chris. Who accepts. Elise and Chris, everyone!
Sarah and Robert. Dylan is surprised he didn't get the nod, but Sarah probably realized Elise would never let up until someone was dead or married, so time to shoot the hostage.

Next week, new faces and more Chris Bukowski dramz. Because why not.
#yopo

"How rude!"

For some godforsaken reason, my latest email sign-off at work has been:

You got it, dude!

 Sorry to all.

Fuzzy Navels and Dojos

Went to see the Molly Ringwalds (80s cover band - yay!) on Saturday night, and it was awesome. Each member of the band dresses up like someone from the 80s (PeeWee Herman, Twisted Sister, Johnny from Karate Kid, Devo, etc.) They even served wine coolers, which were just as delicious as I remember. But the band kept talking about their new album, which was on sale now. And then played a song by Flock of Seagulls that is on the new album. Soooo it's a new album of 80s songs? Love it.

What I don't love? That Kim Kardashian is putting out a book of 352 selfies. The fact that it's titled "Selfish" is fairly amazing, though.

"It's all happening."

Went and watched my brother Cole play with the Riverboat Gamblers last night in a club in Deep Ellum. I haven't been to Deep Ellum in like 15 years, so wasn't really sure what to expect. Here, a few highlights:

I parked in a lot and the parking attendant told me that my car was her favorite. I felt this was a good sign that it would be a safe place to leave the car. Then thought it might be a sign that she would steal my car, but whatever.

I was "on the list" at the door and didn't have to buy a ticket. This was very exciting - I am very rarely on any sort of list. I got to hang out with Cole and meet the band before they went on, which was super cool.

99% of the crowd (and the band) was wearing black t-shirts and jeans, so my Tory Burch leopard dress and giant lime green purse stood out like a sore thumb (or, in more rock and roll terms, like a middle finger). I thought about buying a Gamblers t-shirt, but checked out the merch table and asked my brother if the shirts came in other colors besides black. He rolled his eyes - no, they did not. I took some "I'm-a-little-too-excited-to-be-here-look-that's-my-brother" photos and sipped water like the punk rock chick I am.

Cole told me I would NOT like the band playing after his. He started describing them as 80s punk rock, and my eyes got wide - I LOVE the 80s! But he said not this 80s. Apparently they used to just get on stage and do heroin. Not really my scene. (But that is SO 80s.)

I edged my way out of the club and was overjoyed to find my car still parked in the parking space. Wild night in Deep Ellum - partied like it's 1999. Literally.