Peter Cetera, where are you when we need you most?

Went to see a Chicago cover band last night. They were NOT good. Now, Peter Cetera has a voice that is hard to replicate. I get it. But man. we made it through the first set and I couldn't take a butchering of "You're the Inspiration," so we left. Not a "Hard Habit to Break," as it turns out. We could "Look Away." (Okay, I'm done. Plus I don't know any more Chicago songs.)

Are you listening, Jimmy?

Anyone else think there should be a Comey-themed Mean Tweets on Kimmel? (of course with Comey reading them)

Visions of dinner rolls danced in my head

Being (temporarily and voluntarily) gluten free is a real pain in the ass sometimes. Like tonight - going to this Italian restaurant that is supposed to be awesome, and basically the entire menu is pizza and pasta (um, obvi). I called to see if anything could be made GF, and the answer was "not much." So everyone else will be digging into a delicious pizza and I'll be over there with my little salad (and no breadsticks), like "hey."

We took communion in church on Sunday, and I couldn't even partake in that. #sorrygod

#funtimes

Bachelorette recap: topless dudes on horseback (almost)

Another week, another few reasons to love Rachel Lindsay more.

She sends DeMario packing, even after he pleads with a "joy and pain" speech about wanting to move forward. She tells him he should move forward - right off the property. BURN! #boybye

Whaboom tells Rachel that Blake stands over him at night while he sleeps, licking a banana. Although Blake denies this, Rachel realizes both of these doofuses are, well, doofuses, and sends them packing. Which leads to the girliest catfight I have ever seen between two men. Neither of them will be getting laid for a while, methinks.

Another one who won't be getting laid but is somehow still around is the tickle monster, Jonathan - who busts out these babies (as modeled by Chris Harrison):

Seriously. He uses this while chatting with Rachel. I would say #facepalm but you could really hurt yourself.

Ready for a fresh start, it's time for a group date with Bryan, Jonathan, Alex, Peter, Will and Fred - on the Ellen show, of course! Ellen makes the guys take their shirts off and give lap dances to the women in the audience - including grandmothers. Alex the Russian makes a good impression, both dancing and playing Never Have I Ever, where three guys admit to kissing Rachel and the other three are left feeling stupid. One of these is poor Fred, who can't seem to break out of the "bad kid at camp" memory for Rachel. So he asks if he can kiss her, and while she rolls her eyes at the awkwardness of that, he goes for it. He is thrilled with the result; Rachel, not so much. She escorts him right out of the building to the exit limo and instead gives the group date rose to Alex. Da!

Anthony gets the one-on-one date, and it involves riding horses down Rodeo Drive. Into stores, on horseback. Of course the horses poop in the stores because that's what they do, but Rachel and Anthony laugh it off and enjoy their new boots and hats and "too glam to give a damn" shirts. #productplug At dinner, Anthony talks about his parents and how he wants to be a good father, and Rachel wants to know more. He gets the rose.

At home, Eric is freaking out a bit, telling everyone he doesn't know how Rachel feels and maybe she's playing a game until she gets what she wants. He's just going to ask her. Iggy tries to calm him down but just gets yelled at. Eric is happy to know he's on the next group date (Iggy is not), along with Brady, Dean, Adam, Kenny, Bryce, Lee and Jack. Rachel's posse from Nick's season is back (Corinne, Jasmine, Alexis and Raven), to give her the dirt on who's here for the right reasons. They hear from Bryce and Lee that Eric isn't, but before they can convey the news the guys have to mud wrestle. In front of a huge crowd of rowdy women. Yeah, role reversal!! The guys once again doff their shirts and hit the mud, and after a closely fought finale, Bryce beats Kenny.

Eric manages to get his coveted time with Rachel and asks about her feelings, She reassures him by giving him the group date rose.

But Rachel later tells Eric what Bryce and Lee said, leading him to blow up and deny ever saying anything. Lee thinks Eric needs to know more about life, having never been in love, but Eric doesn't agree. The fight escalates and we're hit with a To Be Continued...

All I know is "don't fall asleep!"

Driving to work this morning, I passed by a business called Concussion Rehabilitation. Do concussions really happen so common that this is necessary? I guess they do - thanks, contact sports.

#wearahelmet #maybeindoors

Don't make me come down there

I don't know why this Paris Climate Accord business has my panties in a bunch, but it does. I mean, every day there's something new and jaw-dropping (how exhausted must reporters be from the daily "breaking news!"??), but this is a new low. And so late last night when I couldn't sleep I decided to let the leaders know how I felt. Via angry tweets, of course. I tweeted Trump, Melania, Ted Cruz and John Cornyn. I know they won't read them, but somehow it made me feel better, like I was doing something. You're welcome, world.

You just got trivia'd

Played bar trivia last night with a friend, and I was able to contribute a few key answers:

• D-Day: June 6, 1944
• VE Day: May, 1945
• Morpheus in the Matrix was played by Laurence Fishburne
• "Vacation" the song came out before "Vacation" the movie (yes, this shiz is important)
• Truman was president at the end of WWII
• Owen Wilson provided one of the character voices in the movie Cars (which I have never seen, mind you)
• Lindsey Buckingham sings the "Vacation" movie theme song

Ta daaa! That's a $250K education, folks. My parents would be so proud. (And no, we did not win)