Bachelorette recap: Hooked on Phonics

Rachel is having a rough time. She just got rid of DeMario (again), and now has to deal with guy drama thanks to Lee and Kenny. I will admit that Lee is super creepy and annoying, literally giving Kenny 16 seconds to talk to her and standing right in front of them while they tried to carry on a normal conversation. He likes to pick fights with the other guys, particularly the black guys - and since recent tweets have proven racist, I guess that's his M.O. Awesome.

After a brief (and very real, making me love her more) cry, Rachel pulls herself together enough to kick off Diggy, Bryce and some other guy. The rest are headed to Hilton Head!

Dean gets the first one-on-one date, and they go up in the blimp. She takes the wheel, he is super nervous, but they kiss and the blimp floats past the guys' hotel and flashes "Rachel and Dean 4evah" to make everyone jealous. At dinner, she hopes he will open up a bit and asks about his family. His mother died of breast cancer when he was 15, and he was basically on his own after that. He cries, she tries not to, and instead gives him the rose. They then "stumble upon" a concert by some guy I've never heard of.

The group date is a huge bunch - everyone but Jack who will get the second one-on-one. They are on a boat (cue the music), and with Rachel rocking the captain's hat, limbo and rap contests, it's quite the booze cruise. Peter even jumps into the rap game, impressing her with his white boy skillz - although I'm not sure mentioning farting is very "street." After the boat, there's another test: a spelling bee. Now, some of the words were legit difficult: boutonniere (which took me about four tries, not gonna lie), etc. But words like stunning? Boudoir? Façade? Coitus? (Yes, that was a word. And no, the guy did not get it right.) Come on fellas. Josiah wins on "polyamorous," but by this point he is working the crowd and taking entirely too long and I'm over it.

I also had to giggle when the "champion" received this trophy:

#typo #spellingbeefail

Lee told Rachel Kenny was the aggressor; Kenny said he didn't handle the situation well but Lee was very disingenuous. Let's just put them both in the ring and let them duke it out, shall we?

TO BE CONTINUED

Just hanging at a halfway house, looking to make a deal

So I bought my first item off one of those online garage sales this weekend. And it was certainly an adventure. First of all, the woman posted in the North Dallas group and said she lived in north Dallas. She did not - lived closer to me, in an equally bad area of town. I asked if 1pm on Saturday would work, she said she was free all weekend so that was fine. She messaged me around 10am to confirm, and I said yes, 1pm. I decided to bring my mom with me, just in case, and I'm glad I did. Initially we were waiting in her apartment complex parking lot, but after seeing one sign that said all residents had to be indoors by 10pm, and another that said "no bare skin, no sagging," we opted to go across the street and wait in a shopping center parking lot. We were the only white people there, so were getting some weird stares, but whatever.

I messaged her around 5 til 1 that we were running 10 minutes late, and she said that was fine, as she was heading back from Forney. Um, Forney is not close. She didn't end up arriving until 2pm. ONE HOUR after the time we had arranged. I did end up buying the item (for $40 less than she was asking), but MAN. Being a novice, I have to wonder if this is normal? (I'm sure if you're in the Highland Park one, it's much more of a streamlined experience, but I can't get in that one...)

Oh well - live and learn.

Just in time for the Top Gun sequel

My dad runs this non-profit where they go to army bases and teach tennis to the families living there. Some of his old pro buddies come, and it's a pretty neat deal. Even cooler: this year, they are doing their first event at a naval base, and the tennis lessons will happen on the deck of a freaking air craft carrier!

Kind of like this, but cooler.

My one question: will the ballboys be in scuba gear?

Get off my lawn!!

People who borrow stuff and never bring it back annoy the crap out of me. We have a cart outside of our office that clearly says "Property of Internal Communications." Anyone is free to use it, just give us the courtesy of letting us know. But it disappeared for a week and was found locked in some random closet. And now, our cooler is gone. Again, just ASK people. Otherwise we're going to have to start bolting things to the floor.

Not sure why, but I blame millennials.

Perhaps still in BIP mourning...I bring you BP

Started watching Bachelor Party for the first time this weekend. Not sure why I never saw it back in the day (although it's fairly racy for a then 8-year-old), and not sure why I randomly decided to watch it now. But Tawny Kitaen?? That was a surprise. Didn't know she could do anything aside from writhe on the hood of a car. Atta girl.

Bonus: the movie is so very 80s. Which makes everything more fun.

Paradise lost

No Bachelorette last night, so I will instead focus my rant on DeMario and Corinne, whose behavior has apparently halted production on my treasured summer trash TV show, Bachelor in Paradise. How dare you. I say again, how dare you. I mean, what else am I going to do this summer - go outside???

In the meantime, this could be yours:

I predict a new trending baby name will be Hippolita

Didn't think I was going to want to see Wonder Woman - not a huge comic book movie fan - but went yesterday and she's a total bad-ass. (And looks stunning doing it.) Some cheesy lines/moments, but all in all an excellent girl power movie.

Side bar: where can I buy her boots???