Twingate: A Bachelor Pad special report

So glad that the most annoying twins since Sweet Valley High self-destructed and took themselves off the show. Good lord those girls were a trainwreck.
With them gone, Erica Rose was safe for another week - but did anyone else notice she wears a necklace that looks a lot like a penis? I know it's actually a gavel, but good lord I couldn't look anywhere else. (Sidebar: yes I follow her on Twitter and yes she answered the same question. Ha.)

Best line of the night: "I've never worn a leotard before." Which of course came from one of the guys when they had to perform a rhythmic gymnastics routine. Made me miss last year's synchronized swimming challenge - what a disaster.

Ed was once again in rare form - Jillian SO dodged a bullet there - but I will say his "In a Pickle" soap box derby car was hilarious. As was his "taste of victory" drinking out of the trophy. But his drunken make-out with Sarah? Tragic. Poor Reid tried to boot him off, but once again math failed him. Damn you, math.

And Jamie wins the desperation award of the week. She likes Chris. Chris sort of likes her, but likes $250K more so stays with Blakely. Even makes out with B in the bunk bed she shares with Jamie. And Jamie still SLEEPS in said bunk bed, crying herself to sleep while the action continues down below. WTMF. Plus the fact that she give her partner (who, although a virgin, is in love with her) the boot so she can partner with Chris?! This makes no sense. Then again, it's Bachelor Pad. What do I expect.


Finally: Lindzi and KALON? What in god's name.

There's no "the" in Batman

Saw The Dark Knight Rises yesterday - good stuff. Not a huge Batman fan (I don't dislike him - just kind of neutral either way), but aside from it being kind of long and semi-violent, I liked it. Particularly Anne Hathaway - meow. Also liked the security guard who stood in the aisle the whole time (remember, I'm still in Colorado). People even clapped at the end. (Not me, but people did.)
And the above is why I am not pursuing a career as a movie critic.

a blog Olympiad. Because I like the word Olympiad.

Well, I have so many thoughts about the Olympics I simply had to blog. Good luck following my train of thought. Bizarro opening ceremony. Period. Parade of Nations - once I learned most of the swimmers weren't walking (ahem, Ryan Lochte), I was kind of like "why bother?" Plus the fact that our athletes were practically last. How about we go by "America" from here on out so we can be at the front? And I know no one asked, but personally I think they should have worn jeans and white shirts. Super cute and cool. And USA-riffic. So many weirdo sports that end up sucking me in. I'm talking to you, handball. And archery. Also so many fun announcer names: Rowdy. Elfie. Etc. The tape delay is redonk. I knew the results of the men's swimming a few hours ago. And yet it won't be on tv until much later. WTF NBC. More to come...

Alive. (barely)

Sorry about the lack of a blog post yesterday - I failed to mention that I was going on vacation to Colorado. Probably won't post again until Tuesday (devastating, I know), but wanted to alert all 57 of you that I am in fact alive and well and not trapped under something heavy. Well, I'm alive. Not sure about the "well" part. I guess I got a lovely case of altitude sickness, because about an hour after arriving we pulled into a Nordstrom Rack parking lot and I promptly puked three times. Out of the car. And of course there was a guy hanging out in the front seat of the car next to ours. Sorry pal. I'm not from here. Still felt like crap for most of the day but finally think I'm settled in. We DID decide to push the mountain hike (and windy mountain drive) back to Saturday just in case. Probably a good call. Gotta get my above-sea-level sea legs.

I'm not sure I Want it That Way

Last night, E! aired a special, "15 Awesomest Boy Bands." The top 5?

5. Boyz II Men
4. New Edition
3. NKOTB
2. NSYNC
1. Backstreet Boys

Kind of surprised the Jackson 5 didn't make the cut, although I'm sure they were in the top 15 somewhere.Otherwise I support this list, although I think NSYNC should be #1. And that's not just because I saw them in concert three times and made eye contact with Justin once. Or because I may have shelled out $35 for an NSYNC t-shirt at one of them.Or because I have a marionette doll of JC that's still in the box. Or maybe it's because of ALL of these reasons. :)

BP3, yo

Bachelor Pad is back, folks. And I for one am psyched. Here, some reasons why.

Reid: I remember why I was once Team Reid. Love. (And his whole "read. page" thing was adorbs.)
Ed: the bloom is off the rose for me on this guy. What a drunken idiot/tool. Kudos to Chris Harrison for asking about the green shorts...
Blakeley: while I appreciate she's still giving it her all at 34 (which, I hate to tell the blonde superfan twins, is not quite menopause age), she's a disaster. And I kind of agreed with Jaclyn (who I have nothing else to say about): "What the #&* is she wearing?!" Also amusing that she's gone from a "VIP Cocktail Waitress" (aka stripper) to...waxer. (with a heart of gold, I'm sure.)
Sarah: No clue who this is.
Jamie: Has gone from straddling Ben to hooking up with Chris (crazy eyes). Not sure if that's a vertical move or a horizontal one. (hey-oh!)
Erica Rose: How is this girl only 30. Glad to see the crystal gavel is still in the picture - might be her longest relationship.
Kalon: Sigh. Anyone else think he wears veneers?
Ryan: Also no idea who he is. Although now I know he's a virgin.
Stagliano: Yessssss.


Superfans:
Why, first of all. Similar to all Real World/Road Rules challenges involving veterans versus fresh meat, the fresh meat will always be the first to get the axe.
Secondly, can't believe that men would admit to being a "superfan." Particularly one on a SWAT team. (But I think my favorite part of the entire episode was showing him, in his pajamas, settling in to watch the Bachelor with a glass of red wine. He's all yours, ladies.) And I loved how he took pictures with everyone - including Chris Harrison. (I would, too.)
Third, why twins. WHY. They count as one player, they dress exactly the same, and they flat-out bug. Fingers crossed they get the boot next week.

Welcome back, Bachelor Pad. We've missed you.

One f is good enough

...for Emily, at least. Jef was the last man standing and popped the question (on the saddest little podium in Bachelor history). Arie got the boot early on (begging the question why is this program 3 hours long), and thankfully never got introduced to little Ricki, Emily's daughter. I will say Jef seemed to get along well with her - maybe be cause he's like a child himself - and the pics of the three of them are rather adorbs. Even with Arie's weird admission to flying to Charlotte to give Emily his journal, it wasn't exactly the most dramatic rose ceremony ever. In fact, everything seems hunky dory and I found myself a little bored, to be honest. Thank god Bachelor Pad starts tonight.