How I spent my Christmas vacation

...doing some super gross research. above. And I may or may not be married to my dog now, due to some very intimate acts with a tube of Preparation H. (Which she REALLY seemed to enjoy. Sigh.) Then come to find out she does NOT have hemorrhoids. Awesome. Thank god for antibacterial hand lotion.

Suck it, Mayans

It's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u2UhvN0k74w&feature=share

Pavement, 1. Sarah, 0.

Who gets a strawberry on their elbow at age 35. Actually, who gets one over the age of 7. I'll tell you who - me. Granted, I got it yesterday doing something semi-heroic - Charlie wriggled out of her collar and was heading for the street, so I Superman-hurled myself at her and caught her, while also scraping my body in gravel at the same time. Good grief. And, might I add, ouch.

Martha Stewart, I am not.

On Sunday I made a box of red beans and rice (cue my mother groaning, as she makes this stuff from fresh ingredients, not from Zatarain's). It takes 25 minutes to cook, so I sprinted to the grocery store thinking I would be perfect on timing. Well. Ran in after 30 minutes to find the rice slightly burned and the kitchen a tad smoky (sorry, Charlie!). So not wanting the smoke alarm to go off, I ran the pot outside to the balcony. Charlie started barking at me, so I set the pot down to play with her for a few minutes - figured the stuff needed time to cool anyway. Perhaps I failed to mention that I set the pot down on one of the plastic wicker chairs that the owners of the apartment left for me to use. Annnnnd the pot was totally melted to the chair. Like I could pick the chair up by lifting the handle of the pot. Oops. Somehow peeled the pot from the chair, but now there's a lovely circle of melted mess on the chair - plus melted plastic on the bottom of the pot, which I assume would start a fire so I had to throw it away. And as I mentioned before, the meal itself was burned - so a giant FAIL all around.

This photo looks creepy, but you get the gist of the circle of doom on the chair. Sigh.

No words.

I try to keep this blog upbeat and funny, but after seeing this story I am absolutely fuming. What in the WORLD is wrong with these people.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/12/16/westboro-baptist-church-picket-connecticut-school-shooting_n_2312186.html

Okay, now back to your regularly scheduled sarcasm.

Which of these kids is doing their own thing?

Seen yesterday at Walmart. Now to be fair, I've never seen Stripes. But it doesn't really scream "Christmas movie" to me.

Holy weight gain

Surprisingly, not for me - but for sweet Charlie. I took her to the vet this morning, and um she has gained 3 pounds since becoming a Stockton. 3 pounds. A THIRD of her weight. (Now a fourth, but you catch my drift.) The vet wasn't alarmed, though - just said she was healthy - but this could explain why the XS sweater I bought her wouldn't fit over her head.

Perhaps giving her 10 dog treats a day isn't necessary.


And, just to be fair and because it's awesome...