How do you say "ka-ching" in Dutch?

Prepping to go to Europe for 10 days, and trying to figure out the various types of currency I'm going to need. The exchange rates vary drastically:

$100 = 65 pounds
$100 = 90 euros
$100 = 28,184 forints (Hungary)

In sum: everyone should be expecting gifts from Hungary this year.

And that's a wrap

In my almost 40 years as a single person, I clearly haven't learned much about guys. Or relationships. Or much of anything, for that matter. But one thing I do know? When I'm getting dumped. Which happened this week. And bless my friends for trying to put a positive spin on it: "He's just busy with work!" "Maybe his phone died." "Maybe he's trapped under something heavy." But the truth is, I've been ghosted. Per usual.

And therefore I am announcing my retirement from dating. Like athletes who hang up their jerseys, I am simply getting too old, I don't want to continue the risk of getting hurt, and the game simply isn't what it used to be. I do however look forward to watching the younger generations play. Probably better than I ever could. #micdrop

Spanxgiving

I don't like wearing Spanx. They are too hot, too tight, too restrictive (although I guess that's the point). But I have to wear them TWICE this week. Today because the dress I bought is completely see-through, so something had to be done. And I don't think they even make slips anymore, so badda bing Spanx!
The second time will be Friday, because I am dressing up like Elvis for work. The white jumpsuit Elvis. Which once again is semi see-through and completely not flattering, so I need all the help I can get. #thankyouverymuch

As a former sorority girl, I approve this message.

Heard the best joke this morning:

Why do sorority girls travel in odd numbered packs?

Because they literally can't even.

Thanks, I'll be here all week! Tip your waitress.

A time to plant, a time to reap. Or weep.

So it's fall. (And finally starting to feel like it in Dallas.) I thought I would be so happy that summer was over - no more mowing the lawn in 100 degree heat - but turns out leaves fall in the fall. (Who knew?!) I am raking up bagfuls of leaves what feels like daily (but is probably weekly) and I don't even think it's doing much good. When's winter??

At least it wasn't my sad Elmo pajamas

Apparently I partied a bit too hard last weekend at the lake - left my nightshirt AND a pair of panties in the bathroom of the lakehouse. And the owners had to mail them back to the birthday girl. Who is being so kind and washing them before returning them to me. Dear lord. Plus the fact that said nightshirt shrunk since I wore it last, and it was completely inappropriate to romp around in. (Got a few "where are your pants?!" questions. Eeks.)
#storyofmylife

There should be a holiday

Every year around this time, I stress out. Not because the Cowboys suck. Not because 7-11 ran out of pumpkin spice latte. But because it's time to see if my jeans still fit. Hell - I put them away back in April and haven't thought about them until now. Lord knows if I can still get them buttoned. But today, I did. And they did. It's the little things, people. Now where's my bagel.