Hammertime

The other day we were driving and I don't even remember what the conversation was, but my mom said "don't hurt the hammer!" I laughed for about minutes before I was able to contain myself and correct her with "please hammer don't hurt 'em." I guess I should be glad she even sort of knew the reference? Or not.

Holy #firstworldproblems

So I guess I've finally paid off my phone enough to be up for an upgrade. I only have the 6S, which is fine, but I keep hearing about the wonders of the camera on the 8. I see no need to get the X - who am I, Meghan Markle - but a little nicer phone would be cool. (Of course, I have 50 cases for the 6 and 0 for the 8, which clearly will be problematic...)

But the only ones being offered are like 32G or 64G, and my current phone is 124G. Considering I take 5000 photos of my kid every day, I need the extra room. So I guess I'll wait. Sigh.

Bachelorette recap: boy bye

THANK GOD the male model is gone! As is his archenemy David, who was left alone in the desert, and John - who possibly created Venmo? Can anyone confirm? She clearly likes Colton and Blake, who admits he is falling in love with her (and means it - ooh snap Jean Blanc!), but has some issues with boy band wannabe Chris, who pouts because he doesn't get any alone time on the group date and threatens to walk. (insert eye roll emoji)

The dates were weird this week - riding camels in the (Vegas) desert, composing lyrics to Danke Shoen in front of a very plastic-looking Wayne Newton, and the dreaded two-on-one that ended up being one (Becca).

And before the rose ceremony, Chris loses it when Becca looks at him with "disgust" and nearly comes to blows with poor dapper Wills, who lets him interrupt for two minutes but then calmly returns and won't give Chris any more time. Guess the producers want to milk this one a bit longer, because Chris gets to stick around for another week. (insert eye roll emoji)

And of course they announced the cast for the next Bachelor in Paradise, and freaking MALE MODEL gets to go. Assuming he will be bringing the gold underwear...(insert eye roll emoji)

It's all in the name.

Took G to the ENT for a follow-up after her sinus infection diagnosis three weeks ago (cured!), and all the guy did was peer briefly into her Ears, Nose and Throat. I mean I guess that's what his job is, right? Glad I paid $77 to see that.

#sarcasm

Mother of the Bride

That's what I felt like yesterday when Georgie got baptized. It was such a great day, although I was super stressed out about it. I was so afraid she would cry throughout the service - we actually put her in the nursery at first, but after about 5 minutes decided we'd risk her sitting through the entire service (why they don't have the baptism up front is beyond me!). And she was actually great. A few fusses here and there, but great. And then it was time to go up to the front. My mom turned to me with tears in her eyes and said she was so proud of me, which of course led me to start tearing up (and snotting down? Is that a thing? Because it happened.). My dad was crying - everyone was crying - but not little Georgie. She was a total pro - three douses of water? No prob. Being toured around the church with the pastor? Got it. After it was over and we stood up there for another 30 minutes talking to people and taking pictures, she started to get annoyed. But we raced home, threw on bathing suits and met her godmothers and their families at the pool. Georgie did great. And still refused to nap once we got home two hours later. (She did FINALLY sleep for like 10 hours at night, but still - would a nap kill ya??)

And now I am the proud owner of like 7 Jesus books that I should probably peruse. As a good Mother of the Baptized, you know?

I. Just. Can't.

I really don't mean to make this a political blog. But they just make it so easy.

What in the actual fuck. Seriously.

And the sad thing is, it's probably sold out now. Since it's only $39 from Zara.

Cannot use the facepalm emoji enough here.

What's up, doc?

Interesting turn of events on Tuesday when my mom dropped Georgie off at daycare with bottles of milk, some squash and pears. And when she picked her up, they were feeding her carrots. Someone else's, storebought (!?!?) carrots. Assuming my daughter was not a tiny bully stealing the other babies' lunch, we asked what was happening. Apparently she was still hungry and the carrots were what was left. Parent fail, I assume? But good lord that girl can eat. Gets it from her mama.