Where are Kiptyn's abs. For the love.

Bachelor Pad re-cap time, folks...I just have one word. Railing.

1. I hate the couples. If I was a contestant, no way would I be coupled up and so would've been sent packing along with Gwen, Ashley and Nikki. Stupid couples.

2. I'm sorry - Gwen may be older, but she is not "in her 40s" like Elizabeth said! Poor Gwen.

3. Elizabeth is such a moron. "Gingoloba?" REALLY??

4. And Tenley's not much better. She sounds like a third grader (no offense to third graders): "Kissing is fun. Kiptyn is fun. Cuz we are 'Kip-Ten'!" Vomit. I believe she also used the word "relational" later on. Oh, Tenley.

5. The Peyton/Jesse B interaction cracks me up - esp with the correct way to peel a banana. Her facial expressions were classic.

6. Natalie has a wonky eye. Anyone? Perhaps that's why her skirts are so damn short - to take attention away from the eye.

7. Dave's sideways hat is just not okay. And were those jorts? Dear god. I do appreciate that he appeared to be ironing before the date, though. (And later we see Kiptyn cooking...or just chopping up like 80 pounds of chicken...)

8. When the date card arrives, Tenley keeps guessing it's a rocket ship. Seriously she threw out that idea like 5 times. No, sweetie. Shhhh.

9. The lambourghini (okay no clue how to spell it, but I hate that people like Crazy Dave call it a "lambo." It IS easier to spell, though.) arrives, and it takes poor Elizabeth way too long to figure out it's for Nat and Dave's date. Duh. And then the lambo makeout between Kovacs and Elizabeth? Ew. Porn-ish. (I enjoyed his quote, "Watch out for the stick!" Heh heh.) And then to come back in and be like, "it's got Elizabeth and Kovacs all over it!" I mean. ABC intern. Go wash it. That's just unsanitary.

10. "She's got a bad case of the Kovacs." Enough said, people.

11. Crazy Dave seemed to get the crazy EYES behind the wheel. And the ensuing porn shots atop the car really weren't necessary. Again -HOW SHORT WAS HER SKIRT. But I digress.

12. They proceed to a recycled Bachelor pad (ha) - where Molly and Jason fell in love. Wonder how co-host Melissa Rycroft felt about that. Then we're treated to Deep Thoughts with Crazy Dave and Slutty Nat. Good times.

13. Back at the homestead...Elizabeth and Kovacs sneak into the fantasy suite (no she di'nt!) for a little romance of their own. The subtitles were cracking me up so badly DDP almost came out my nose. Him: "Do you want to get naked? If so, that's cool." Her: "Not if it's just railing." (Sidebar: I have never heard this before. how out of the loop am *I*?) They go back and forth and by morning, more awesome subtitles. Her: "You got laid." Him: "Why are you trying to mess things up and push me away?" Her: "I love you." CLASSIC. And might I add, Elizabeth is a psycho.

14. Noticed the night before that the bunk beds have been put away and it's now queen bed city for our lucky couples. Way to make it happen, ABC.

15. The rose ceremony just doesn't do it for me anymore. It's the two hour lead-in that keeps me tuning in for more. Sad but true.