This crap only happens to moi

Picture it: first night in Paris by myself, walking under the Eiffel Tower. There are hundreds of tourists, lined up on all sides, waiting to go up the tower. And in front of me, I see a guy dressed in camo shorts with a blackened nose. Not sure if it's a dog nose or just paint, but either way I plan to avoid him at all costs. But instead he spots me and starts walking toward me, arms outstretched. At this point it's too late for me to turn and run - he's closing in. I'm praying I don't get stabbed or raped out in front of all of these tourists, and instead find myself enveloped in a hug. Mind you, my arms remain stiff at my sides - who the hell IS this person, and why is he hugging me?! A few seconds later, he unhooks himself from me and turns to the crowd. "Ladies and gentlemen!" He yells. "My WIFE!" And nods in my direction. The crowd cheers. I turn a deep shade of red and get the hell out of there.

Apparently I wandered into some sort of street performance, and looking back it is hysterical. At the time, though - mortifying. What else is new.