"He's a mess. And he really likes stuffed animals."

I am of course quoting Emily on last night's Bachelorette - kudos to Sean and his family for pulling a practical joke and convincing her he still lived at home. And kudos to Emily for being so polite about it. Not sure what I would have done, to be honest...especially after seeing all the stuffed animals in his "room." But a small bone to pick with ABC - he's not from Dallas. Colleyville is not Dallas. (I don't actually know where Colleyville is. But it's not in Dallas.) As someone actually FROM Dallas, this annoys me.

Emily's style continues to surprise me - the random skull t-shirt was an odd choice. But she busted out the red pants for her Chicago hometown visit to see Chris and his Polish clan. And they were very Polish - complete with a possible polka at the end. Nothing particularly weird or interesting about this visit, except that her greeting to him ("Hey - what's going on?") was possibly foreshadowing. Not exactly lovey-dovey...even though Chris busted out the "I love you." Oof.

Then off to a ranch outside of Salt Lake City to hang with Jef and very possibly witness the first guy in skinny jeans and a bouffant hairdo to skeet shoot and ride in an ATV. Jef, you are a mystery. Just like the location of that second "F." I so want to skeet shoot. But I'm sure it would end with an injury to myself or others. Turns out lil prissy Emily can shoot like a man - which Jef finds totes hot. Then she meets his 5 brothers and sisters - hmmm...Salt Lake City...a billion siblings - Jef and fam are Mormon, no? His parents were oddly missing, doing "charity work," and his other siblings had all the letters in their names, but overall good times had by all. And we concluded with a sappy "I love you" letter from Jef. Sigh.

Next up: Scottsdale and Arie's Euro-licious family. They definitely have the most passionate of the relationships, but he still oogs me out for some reason. His Dutch parents are "different," he warns Emily - but really just rude, since they spoke in Dutch most of the time while she was there. Yeesh. The mother grills Em on what happened with Brad (since she watched the show), which is semi-awkward, but Emily breezes past and tells the mom how great his son is. Well-played.

Finally, we head to "Dallas" to meet Sean's family - anyone else think his mom and her teeth looked a lot like Emily? - who, aside from naming the tots weird things like Kensington and Smith (um, this is Colleyville, folks), seemed very nice and normal. And what a sense of humor! From the "I still live with my parents" shtick to the very end where they served grilled armadillo as a joke, I think these people are my faves by far.

Back in LA, Em has a decision to make - who gets the ax? Well, it's Chris of course. Time for ol' crazy-eyes to go. And trust me, I was afraid of the backlash. Would he throw himself on the ground and start writhing around? Start hitting himself in the face? Bawling? He actually kept it together somewhat, although he slammed the limo door pretty hard and confessed to being shocked and "a better guy than any of the dudes left in the house." Especially since she showed him he could love again. Um what? He is twenty-freaking-five. Oh, Chris. Go see a professional when you get back to Chicago. Please.

Next week: the final three hit Curacao. Might take me a few BLUE curacao drinks to get through it.