Houston, we have a problem

Going to Houston this weekend for the Final Four (go Heels!!), and although basketball is my main priority, also super psyched to go to NASA. Secretly hoping for some sort of Space Camp scenario in which I'll press a button and go into space. With or without a young Joaquin Phoenix. (If you haven't seen this movie, watch it.)


Having never been to Houston before, I'm not sure what else to do to fill the time (assuming of course that UNC plays two games). Suggestions welcome...

There goes your tip

Going to get a manicure and pedicure is supposed to make you feel better, more attractive, etc. I went on Saturday for the first time in like a year (I know, I know), and the experience didn't exactly boost my self-confidence. First of all, the manicurist asked how long it had been (clearly my nails were not in great shape), and then another woman assumed I would also be needing my eyebrows and upper lip (!) waxed. Um, do I need that?? (I politely declined.) I'm sure it's just an upsell tactic, but it's not the nicest. #atleastmynailslookgood

So THAT'S why you separate lights from darks

Finally time to wear white pants, and I excitedly pulled on my white jeans this morning to find they had mysterious pink stains all over them. Clearly a self-induced laundry mishap. I guess if they don't come out, I'll convince people that they are tie-dyed and start some sort of trend. Or throw them out and start over. Either way.

One-armed man, anyone?

I watched the Fugitive with Harrison Ford the other night - forgot what an awesome movie that was. And forgot that Julianne Moore was in it. And Sela Ward, for that matter. Greatness.

1, 2, 3 is 1 2 many

I really don't understand guys who use a photo of themselves and clearly a significant other as a profile picture for dating apps. And don't get me started on the guy who used his wedding picture. If that's not a clear "swipe left," I don't know what is!


#hardpass
#askingfortrouble
#openrelationship??

Paging Dr Moneybags

Can we all agree that medical bills are redonk?! I was in the ER about a month ago, and every day I get another bill. Just when I think I've gotten everything together, another bill. Some are sneaky and come via text message, some are emailed and most arrive in the mail. But they are all annoying. I'll pay you when I pay you, rich doctors. Give it a rest.

You're welcome, service industry

We had a March Madness happy hour on Friday night for work, and the bar required a $4000 minimum (plus tip and tax, $5000). I was hoping for a large crowd to eat and drink their way through that tab, but we only had about 50 people. With an hour to go, the wait staff told me we were still $1100 away from our goal, so we did what anyone would do - started bringing out trays of shots. Which no one ordered. But everyone drank. Cut to 30 minutes later, a few additional orders of sushi and some bottles of wine (nice job, ladies), and we ended up going over our budget by $300. If that's not pulling together for the team, I don't know what is.


Sidebar: did not realize Macallan 25 cost $90 a glass. Or that Don Julio 42 was $25 a shot. I'm just asking for a friend.

Next up: My Little Pony

Found a Cabbage Patch Kid at a thrift store this weekend for $4.99, so of course I had to buy it. Also because it was a little red-headed one. She's still in her original outfit (although her shoes have long gone), and although the "adoption papers" didn't come with her, I certainly checked her butt for the Xavier Roberts signature. Gotta be official, you know?


Kind of makes me wish I still had my original Cabbage Patch dolls - I had a ton of them. One of the original soft faces ("Beth Misty"), preemie twins, and a plethora of other. My parents were some of the ones who had to make a midnight run to Toys R Us on Christmas Eve because a last-minute shipment came in, and those things were hard to find! (thanks mom and dad) Looking back, not sure it was worth the hype, but it's fun having one again. And no, I promise not to be weird and carry it around like it's my kid, like this commercial from the 80s:


https://youtu.be/8TijfC-A9W4


#yikes

Get out the shredder

...my NCAA bracket is basically toast. I only got 10 games right yesterday, and I'm sure today will be another bloodbath. But I guess that's the beauty of March Madness - it's madness. What the hell, Yale? Although I am certainly enjoying the Yale-Duke jokes.


Per Slate's Josh Levin:
"...the stage is now set for the most irksome game in the history of America’s least irksome sporting event. It’s George W. Bush vs. Richard Nixon. Theo Epstein vs. Christian Laettner. Morgan Stanley vs. Deutsche Bank. Slate vs. Wherever Duke Grads Work. Catamarans vs. Monohulls. Chenille vs. Seersucker. Connecticut vs. New Jersey. People Who Couldn’t Get Into Harvard vs. People Who Couldn’t Get Into Yale."


#yes
#ncaasowhite

I'll take a hard pass on the green beer

It's St Patrick's Day, and Dallas always goes big with a parade, block party and insane amounts of drinking. (The Irish would be proud.) The parade usually falls on the Saturday closest to St Patrick's, but this is the first time I can ever remember it coming AFTER the actual holiday. I find this very odd - like going to a Halloween party on November 2. Whatever - I guess a reason to drink can happen whenever you damn well please. Cheers!

Kick butt

I was at a bar this weekend that allowed smoking indoors. It's so rare nowadays that it reminded me of working at Chili's and having to ask people as they came in, "smoking or non?" CRAZY. And then of course the smoking section of planes - dreading going to the bathroom, having to walk through the cloud of smoke. Again - CRAZY. I am not innocent here - probably tried smoking like four times in my life. I say "tried" because I don't think I ever did it correctly. I mean, not that it's difficult. But I AM blonde-ish.

Bachelor recap: you're my person. No, YOU'RE my person.

The end is here, and Ben is still torn between two women in hot, sticky Jamaica. He hopes meeting his parents will help him decide, for his mom can't believe it's do late in the process and he doesn't know who to stake his claim in. (ew)




Lauren arrives, huge bouquet in hand, and his parents feel that she is very put-together and lovely. They seem to adore JoJo even more, although his mom (again prone to crying) says she would be happy with either one. This doesn't help Ben's crisis of conscience, so maybe another date with each will help clear his head?




He is worried that things with Lauren have been too easy. They haven't had the tough conversations/reappearing ex-boyfriends that he and JoJo have. Lauren can tell his head is muddled, and she fears the worst: what if he is in love with JoJo too?? Even in her finest romper (she wears these a LOT btw), JoJo also senses that something is amiss with her man, and flat-out asks if he told Lauren he loved her too. Granted, this conversation happened on a bathroom floor with the door closed, but thankfully Ben was still mic'd up and closed captioning relayed the entire conversation. Ben is honest with her: yes, he is in love with both, and no, there's nothing wrong with either one. He tells JoJo she's his best friend, which I feel could be the kiss of death.




And it is - JoJo gets out of the helicopter first, looking gorgeous in pink, and professes her love, only to get dumped because he "loves someone else more." Ouch. She keeps her cool, but is clearly pissed - "you shouldn't have said you loved me!" - as she drives away in the exit limo. Ben, although broken up, is clearly not as upset as previews would indicate - he literally whoops and jumps for joy. He calls Lauren's father (whom he uncomfortably calls "man" like they're bros) to ask for her hand (again, previews made it look like he called a woman), and Lauren arrives in blue to receive a lovely - yet sweaty - proposal. Can they not pick a cooler climate for this stuff? I was so distracted by her sweat mustache that I barely remember what was said. I do remember her telling him "you're my person" (shout-out, Grey's Anatomy), and Ben telling her "you're MY person," and lots of giggling and kissing and sweating.




At the After the Rose Special, Ben is relieved it's all over, saying watching the season back gives him a stomachache. JoJo comes out and is super gracious, saying she could see how much he cared for Lauren and wishes them the best. Chris Harrison announces that the next Bachelorette is...JoJo! She is as surprised as I was, since Caila was believed to be it. Have to say, I much prefer JoJo (and not just because she lives in Dallas). Still depressing that she's 24, but whatevs.




Lauren and Ben looked in love as ever, and their families were there to support. Thankfully they didn't take the bait and actually get married - they're waiting for a big fat ABC wedding, not a justice of the peace sitch, duh - so now we just have to wait for Bachelor in Paradise. Hooray.

We get it. You like Plexus.

So I have a lot of friends selling Plexus, which is fine (if you're into pyramid schemes).  But certain friends have let Plexus take over not just their lives, but their Facebook accounts. I reached a breaking point last week and hid several Plexified people. Didn't unfriend, because maybe this phase will pass, but it's really freeing not to see post after post about a pink drink that isn't a cosmo. #sorrynotsorry

Bite Me

We had a contest at work allowing people to submit suggested messages for conversation hearts - "be mine" is a little outdated at this point, no?


A few are quite amusing:


Follow me on Twitter
Hard pass
Swipe right
Bye Felicia
Netflix and chill
You're my lobster
(emoji with heart eyes)


I think candy makers should take these into consideration for future Valentines Days. Just saying.

VIP-ball

Guess who gets to party with a former UNC Tar Heel and current Dallas Maverick tomorrow night? Me, that's who. Yes, Raymond Felton got in touch with our DFW alumni group and wants to host a watching party during the ACC tournament. (This is of course dependent on UNC winning their first game today - come on, boys.) One of my childhood idols (and fellow former Tar Heel/Maverick), Sam Perkins, even RSVP'd "maybe." I'll take that maybe. I will also try not to annoy the hell out of these guys, but will try to summon the courage to ask for at least one photo. #goheels

Climb (almost) every mountain

I have always wanted to climb Everest. I know it's cold, I know it's dangerous, but I feel like I could do it. I wouldn't do anything crazy like go without oxygen or try to be a hero when I needed to turn around, but man that would be cool. Of course, someone would have to sponsor me in order to cover the $75K cost, but that's besides the point.


I watched the movie Everest over the weekend - have semi-personal ties to it because Dr Beck Weathers lived on my street growing up - but man. Making me re-think wanting to do this. I was cold just watching from the comfort of my living room. (Plus all the death and stuff.)


Maybe just getting to base camp would be enough of a goal. Hell - that alone is higher than I've ever climbed. It's 17,590 feet, and I've only climbed to the top of a few 14,000 foot mountains in Colorado. Okay there you have it: I will someday get to base camp. Where I will plant a UNC flag like a BOSS.

Bachelor recap: Mmmm, tastes like chicken

I think we can all agree that the star of last night's Women Tell All was none other than Sheila. She was well-behaved (aside from one small scuffle), didn't make a peep, and her feathered ensemble looked great under the lights. That's because Sheila is a chicken.

Yes, the chicken farmer brought a chicken to the show. And that was one of the most normal things to happen last night. To sum up:


The girls are sorry for offending people, although they're mostly #sorrynotsorry. This includes Olivia, Jubilee, Lace and Leah.


A few girls have learned lessons from watching the show and are now better people. This includes Olivia and Lace.


And none of the girls had ever been on a reality show before and didn't know what to expect or how to act. (Um, aside from Amber and Becca and basically 20 seasons of previous Bachelors that you can watch online...)


Olivia got bullied as a child and just wants her toes to be considered normal, people!


The Twins are a handful together. Lots of squawking, surprisingly not from the chicken.


Jumpsuits are still happening, people. This includes Olivia and Caila.


Caila is still bummed about losing Ben. This must have been filmed before she was announced as the next Bachelorette.


Caila's "sex panther" has become a thing, as evidenced by these shirts in the audience:

(And yes, I sort of want one.)


Lace is going on Bachelor in Paradise. Methinks she won't be the only one. (Cue the twins)


Leah is still kind of a bitch, randomly sticking up for Jubilee and Olivia of all people.


Ben comes on and says he is more in love than ever and would marry the lucky lady tomorrow if he could - guess that means he finally narrowed it down to one?


Blooper reels are always a good idea. Girls + flying insects = screaming






That about sums it up - next week is the finale, thank god.

You know you're getting old when

You look forward to Spring Break because it means less traffic and you get to work faster. Of course, a tequila binge in Cancun would be nice too...

Sarah Sarah quite contrarah (?) - How does your garden grow?

I am certainly no gardener/green thumb, but having a house with a yard has at least gotten me to attempt to plant things/keep up appearances. Exhibit A: I mow the lawn. Not well, but that's neither here nor there. Exhibit B: last weekend I was inspired by the nice weather and went a bit crazy at the Lowe's garden center. I purchased (and subsequently planted):

• caladiums
• a peony bush
• wildflower seeds
• basil
• lavender
• three potted flowering plants (perhaps daisies, snapdragons and a third unidentified yet lovely purple one)

The only thing left to plant are hydrangeas, and I've already stalked them out at Sam's. My mom later informed me that it was too early for most of these things, and few if any will survive or thrive, but hey. I think the effort ought to count for something. Look out, yard of the month. I'm coming for ya.

Late to the game

...but man, Amazon Prime is awesome! I'm doing the 30 day free trial, and I have to say, receiving packages on Sunday (!) that I ordered Friday (!) is pretty amazing. Now I guess I need to try the video and music options. Lots to cram in before this month is up. And then I wind up subscribing because it's so awesome...

Toronto's nice this time of year...

Okay guys. I'm starting to worry that this Donald Trump for President business is no longer the world's longest-running (and most terrifying) practical joke. Who are these people who are voting for him? And also WHY? Plus the fact that the campaign has become more about childish name-calling than actually discussing any issues. From small hands to orange skin to sweaty bodies, I've heard enough. I love that "How to move to Canada" was trending on Google searches last night after the Super Tuesday results. Can't say I wouldn't think about it. Or should I say "aboot it"...

#pleaseno #seriously #NO

Bachelor recap: Too many I love you's

In a Bachelor first, Ben decides to smoke the Jamaican ganja and tell TWO of the three remaining women that he loves them. It's possible I was screaming at my TV, "you idiot!" Let's dive in, shall we?

It's fantasy suite time in Jamaica, and Ben and his weird hipster sneaks are ready for action.  First up is Caila, who is so bubbly and happy that she randomly giggles by herself. She is in love with Ben and wants to make sure he knows it, even though he can't say it back (or CAN he??). They float down a river that looks suspiciously like the Jungle Cruise ride at Disneyworld, and he can tell something is amiss. At dinner, she tells him what's been bothering her - she's in love! He kisses her instead of responding and they head to the fantasy suite to check out her sex panther ways.

Lauren's date is next, and they adorably set baby sea turtles into the wild. I kind of want one. Lots of cheesy metaphors like "Sea turtles live for 100 years. I hope Ben and my love will last that long." Um, do the math, sweetie. Over dinner, Ben confesses that he cried in front of her sister at the hometown date, and crop-topped Lauren confesses that she has been in love with him for a long time. He shocks everyone by saying he is in love with her, too. Annnnnd cue the fantasy suite.

Ben decides if he's not in love with JoJo, he's going to send her home. But after a magical day frollicking in a waterfall where I can't stop staring at Ben's gigantic stomach tattoo (??), JoJo confesses she loves him and what do you know - Ben feels the same way! At least JoJo's reaction is normal - she steps back and is like, "wait - what??" Knowing full well that he's not allowed to supposed to respond. But oh he does, and after JoJo convinces him that her evil brothers will grow to love him too, they head to the fantasy suite.  So for those keeping track, that's 3 passionate nights, 2 I love you's and at least one pair of denim panties short-shorts.

Ben realizes he may be in trouble here - now Lauren and JoJo are both convinced that they will be the ultimate winner - and he still has to get rid of Caila. She makes that easy by heading to his beachfront property to surprise him. He's not thrilled, and makes the unfortunate decision to tell her he's in love with two women on the island - and she's not one of them. OUCH. She calls him out on feeding her a line, and even gets back out of the exit limo/suv to ask when he realized these feelings. But it didn't help much - she still bawled the entire way home. Yet no mascara ran. Amazing.

At the rose ceremony, both JoJo and Lauren are feeling confident (um, duh) and it's amusing to see each one tell Chris Harrison what went down, as he takes it all in and realizes what an idiot Ben is. Yay! Since there are only two roses and only two women, they both get roses, and then share a threeway hug with Ben as they think about meeting his family. Ah, sister wives.

Next week - the dreaded Women Tell All. Very excited to see Olivia again. #cankles