Bacehelorette recap: #gauchopants

We're still in Argentina, which the producers keep reminding us about by constantly showing horses and wine. Nothing wrong with that. Tiny Alex gets the first one-on-one date, and everyone is relieved because maybe now he'll stop bitching about never having a one-on-one date. He and JoJo ride to an estancia together, and he shows off an embarrassing rap about her. Not to be undone, the other five guys are in a bus and perform a clearly well-rehearsed little ditty of their own. What is this - Bachelorette: The Musical? Leave the hip hop to Hamilton, boys. Alex dons the official gaucho outfit, complete with French beret (?), while JoJo gets to just wear normal Ralph Lauren ad-type clothing. They ride horses and get to know each other better, and on their first date Alex decides to tell her he's in love. Alrighty. JoJo is uncomfortable. No one makes JoJo uncomfortable. No rose for Alex. He's probably regretting whining about a one-on-one date now...


The next one-on-one goes to Jordan (of course). They stomp grapes with their bare feet and then proceed to drink what they have just made. I may have gagged. Although (toe) cheese and wine do go together...Clearly fishing, JoJo asks Jordan who she could expect to meet on hometowns next week. He admits that his middle brother will not be there. JoJo: "And that's...Aaron?" DUH. You know it's Aaron Rodgers. And you know you are totally bummed out. No Aaron? No Olivia Munn? No Hollywood connections?? I truly could see her disappointment as he explained they were not close and he didn't like Aaron's lifestyle. This conversation will not help patch up the relationship in the future, that's for sure. But Jordan admits to being in love, and this time JoJo is happy.


The group date - James Taylor, Chase and Robby - becomes a slumber party date when the rain cancels plans. After a massage train and a rousing game of truth or dare involving Robby streaking down the hall in his skivvies, they settle in to watch - The Bachelor: Argentina. Because why not.  James takes this opportunity to tell JoJo that Robby looks at all other attractive women - "Wandering Eye Robby," they call him - which Robby vehemently denies. James then opens up that  he's fallen for JoJo, but he knows he's no frontrunner. Guess he's right - Robby gets the rose.


The final date with Luke involves more horses, plus skeet-shooting. I feel like Luke and Jordan's dates are catered to them and their strong suits. Whatever. JoJo actually does pretty well shooting (hey Texas), and Luke tells her how excited he would be to bring her home. He doesn't have a five-year plan, but if he's with her, he'll be fine. She swoons.


No rose ceremony - which makes Chase and James very nervous. And they should be - James gets the boot. JoJo cries, he cries, I almost cry. Sweet lil James Taylor. He's seen fire AND rain, amiright?


Next week: hometown dates! We're nearing the end, people! Which means Bachelor in Paradise is right around the corner!