Bachelor recap: TEAM RACHEL

I love Rachel so much, guys. So excited she will be the next Bachelorette. Her dress at the rose ceremony? My favorite ever. But first, Raven and her orgasms. Dear god, this again? Nick leaves their fantasy suite, and Raven announces she is completely "satisfied." Followed by a super cheesy montage of a super-smiley Raven making snow angels, patting dogs and having basically her Best Day Ever. Ew.

Rachel's date is next, and they feed reindeer and have a romantic evening in which she finally lets down her walls to tell him she's falling in love with him. He says he's falling for her too - cue the fantasy suite!

Vanessa has another rough date that tests her limits - jump into a freezing lake and then spring through the snow in your skivvies to a warm sauna. And back again. Fun times! She has some tough questions for Nick - is her traditional family too much? Would he move to Canada? Not sure he really answered any of these (he mutters), but she accepts the fantasy suite invite anyway.

At the rose ceremony, Rachel gets the snow-boot (it IS Finland, after all), and has to walk to the exit limo sans parka. Poor thing is crying, thinking she didn't do enough or tell him how she felt soon enough. Methinks she's going to be just fine.

At the Women Tell All, we hear from Taylor, who cries a bunch and demands an apology from Corinne for messing up her career (she never gets one). Corinne is apparently more well-liked than I imagined by the rest of the ladies, and says she never badmouthed anyone on the show and came off a bit more promiscuous than she intended. (ya think??) Plus, she handed out "cheese pasta" to everyone - the one dish she can make herself. I did enjoy the audience members with "Make America Corinne Again" and "Emotional Intelligence is My Jam" t-shirts. Plus posters saying "I want a Raquel," who is apparently not a nanny but Corinne felt "house-keeper" was too demeaning. Okie dokie.

Kristina makes everyone cry with her Russian orphan story, and inspires everyone including Chris Harrison, who wonders what he is doing with his life. I was hoping to hear from widow Danielle M, but it was time for Nick to face the music. He had never attended a Men Tell All since he was always in the final two, so was psyched to be there. Until he got tough questions from Kristina and Dominique - why did he keep women who were against what he said he was looking for? Why would he let someone go who he had chemistry with?? Cue the blooper reel, stat! (Was that a political comment from Chris Harrison who said, "America needs this right now."??)

Finally, Rachel comes out to huge applause. She giggles over the audience member dressed as a shark-dolphin (shout-out, Alexis) and says how humbled she is to tackle this responsibility. The other ladies are absolutely thrilled for her, and you can tell they truly like and respect her (and want her sloppy seconds). I honestly don't like Raven or Vanessa, so don't care much about next week's finale. Bring on Rachel!