Men Tell All, or tell as much as I could hear while scrolling through my phone and fast forwarding

Just not into it this season I guess - found last night to be fairly blah. Male model was terrible as ever, Colton is still a man even though he's a virgin, grocery store Joe is going to be a stah, and Wills is precious. That about sums up the night, with Chris Harrison having the best moment on the blooper reel: before the Beccalection debate, he went up to a young girl in the audience and told her she would not learn anything here today. In fact, this is what happens when you don't stay in school. #ginsburn

Dammit. I guess I have to go.

Why is it that the rare occasion that I go out and hope to god I can use the excuse of "couldn't find parking" and "didn't have money for valet" to just go home, I find the most amazing parking spot of all time?! This has happened twice recently. Maybe the gods want me to get out of my house. Or at least let my CLOTHES out of the house.

Wait, what?

Uh, did she say "FINAL" vision?!?! Christmas has come early, peeps. #bye

Helmet. Stat.

Now that Georgie is sitting up/trying to crawl/wanting to stand, she falls over. A lot. She bumped her head on her crib bars the other night and got a little shiner under one eye. And then got a little knot on the other side when she fell in her "baby jail." All of which will make for some lovely 7-month photos that she's getting this weekend...

#parentfail
#facepalmemoji
#gonnaneedsomephotoshop

Bachelorette recap: Taiwan on

Yep, we're in Taiwan with the final three guys. Because nothing says "fantasy suite" like Taiwan, amiright?

Becca's in love with Blake and Garrett, and likes Jason a whole lot. This doesn't bode well. As expected, Jason gets sent home before his date is even over (no "fantasy" about it). Apparently just the thought of sharing a home with him weirds her out so much, she literally can't even. Poor guy doesn't know what hit him. Becca feels bad - like she's Arie or something - and luckily Jason comes crawling back a few days later to leave with dignity like a girl. He gifts her a sweet red notebook full of photos and stories of their love affair, which was clearly one-sided. Bless his heart, someone book him a cot in Paradise!

Personally Blake and Garrett look very similar to me, and I can't really tell them apart. Garrett seems a bit more of a douche, and Blake looks like he's going to be crushed if/when she doesn't pick him. I just don't give a crap either way. #teamvenmo

Oh, Travelzoo

Clearly you are hoping your audience doesn't know how big a NYC apartment is. "Twice the size" really isn't saying much.

I said brrrr it's cold in here! (there must be some Toros in the atmosphere*)

*shout-out to those who knew that Bring it On! cheer


Guys. Cold front on the way! Dust off your gloves and scarves!

Seriously. When it has been 110 and it's "only" 95, you get excited. Perhaps I'm having a heat stroke.

Webmistress at your service

I think I've mentioned that I am in charge of the company intranet, and have to add weekly polls (not to mention DAILY photos). Both of these things are increasingly hard, especially because I'm dealing with an international audience so it can't be US-centric. I feel like I am scraping the bottom of the barrel. For instance, I give you this week's poll:

As you can see, only 32 votes out of 5000 employees. But to be fair, I usually only get like 13, so I've set the bar pretty low.

Freaks and Geeks 4eva

Watched a documentary about my favorite show of all time, Freaks and Geeks. It only lasted one season, but it created stars out of James Franco, Seth Rogen and Jason Segal (with the help of creator Judd Apatow). What I didn't know - the little guy, "Sam," once looked like this:

And now is a director, directing the remake of Vacation! Holy star-maker.

Cheers for DIA; Boos for TIA

Doing a combo blog and Bachelorette recap here...

The Denver airport had the nicest nursing room. We may have hung out in there for like three hours. Clean-ish carpet for Georgie to crawl around on, other babies to talk to, couches, flowers, the whole 9. PLUS the airport has a pet relief area with indoor grass for traveling pups! Two thumbs up. Aside from the crew who broke our stroller.

And now the Bachelorette...she meets the final four's families, and after telling her gal pals how well everything went, Tia breaks the news that in fact she still has feelings for Colton (so back off, basically). And she does! Colton goes home. Poor virgin never stood a chance. And since Tia is on Bachelor in Paradise, maybe they will send him as a special surprise? One can only hope.

Travel woes (and whoas)

Took the baby on her first plane ride to Colorado. It went just about as I expected - she napped for about 20 minutes and was fairly fussy the rest of the time. What I didn't expect? The landing into Denver was so bumpy that I puked 5 times in the barf bag. Seriously?? When is the last time ANYONE has used a barf bag.

Where we were in CO wasn't all that cool, either - I was sweating pretty much the entire time. But still better than 100 degrees + in Dallas (106 this week???). And spending 5 solid days with Georgie was amazing. She is sitting up, clapping, and saying "dada" apparently. Yay?

Adulting is hard

Met with a financial planner (?!) a few weeks ago who convinced me that I need more life insurance for Georgie, need a will for Georgie and need to bump up my 401K to max earning potential. All of which make sense (and all of which I should have done about 10 years ago), but it seems so...adult. I have my wellness exam for life insurance today - apparently they just come to the office - and the part I'm most annoyed by is the fasting. So. Very. Hungry. (Note: it's only 8:15am)

Bachelorette recap: thanks, Trump

Once again Trump interrupts the Bachelorette and my DVR cut it off so I had to learn who got sent home on the radio this morning. Humph. (or should I say Trumph?)

We're in the Bahamas, and Becca is a Bahamas virgin. Also a virgin? Colton! (nice segue, no?) He finally spills the beans on his one-on-one date, after "conch-diving" (you literally can't make this up) and eating the pistil, aka Bahamian Viagra. Sigh. So many jokes. Becca responds with "Really??" and then steps away for what feels like an eternity (thanks, editing). But she shakes it off (probably because he admits he's not necessarily saving himself for marriage...bring on the fantasy suite!) and gives him her flower, er rose.

Garrett gets the next date, and Becca presses him on his past relationship. He plays the victim card - his wife was mean and yelled a lot. Hmmm. Still, he says those magic words: "I'm falling in love with you" and gets the rose. Blake does the same. (Sorry for lack of details here - these guys kind of blend together for me.)

That's all I saw, aside from the beginnings of the three-on-one date (with Wills wearing another amazing tank top) - apparently Wills and Leo are goners.

So we have Blake, Colton, Jason and Garrett with home town dates next week. I don't know why they are all kind of milque toast to me.

#teamwills

Is "bastard" really so bad?

A little blog for my musical-loving friends. I saw Starlight Express like four times back in the day, had the soundtrack, the whole nine. In one of the songs, U.N.C.O.U.P.L.E.D., the girl sings about getting revenge on the guy who broke up with her by calling him a B-A-S-T-A-R-D. Cue huge cheers from the audience. Last week I was thinking about that song and found a couple of versions on YouTube. One said "S-C-U-M-B-A-G" and the other said "lousy C-R-E-E-P." Personally neither of these really fits the bill for me - but then again I think she ends up getting back together with him anyway, so it's all a choo point. (Get it? Like a moot point but they're trains?? Ahhhhh)

A near-hoarding situation

My living room looks like a daycare center. One coming in might assume several babies lived there. But no - just one, potentially spoiled baby. I mean: swing. Bouncy seat. Activity mat with like 10 toys on it. Toy box. Seat where she can eat or watch Sesame Street. Exersaucer. And the newest addition, a jumparoo. GOOD LORD PEOPLE. And don't get me started on what is in the playroom/storage sheds. Little Georgie may not have money to go to college, but at least she can say the first few years were good.

#truth

Bachelorette recap: this episode brought to you by the tourism board of the state of Virginia.

Yes, we're in Richmond. Yes, it has a very rich history. Yes, Virginia is for lovers. No need to beat it down our throats, ABC. (And shout-out to the governor of Virginia, who even made a cameo. Is it an election year??) There's also an embarrassing part where Becca does an L-O-V-E cheer for Virginia and struggles with making her body into an E. I will spare you the photo evidence.

First one-on-one date goes to Jason, and the chemistry is off the charts. Becca surprises him with his three best friends, and I think Jason may have teared up. They confirm that he is a stand-up guy, and Becca confirms he's a great kisser. They bond over family illness and he gets the rose.

Back at the hotel, ultimate chach Chris says he wouldn't mind a two-on-one, because he can take on anyone. Lincoln jumps into the fray and the boys go at it. I predict neither one is long for this Bachelorette world. To Chris's dismay, he is in fact on the group date card, leaving Samson Leo with the remaining one-on-one.

The group date is something of a disaster - a Beccalection debate in front of hundreds of "fans" (including the governor). Once again, Chris and Lincoln get into it and it's fairly embarrassing for all involved. Later that night, Lincoln tells Becca that he is afraid of Chris, hinting at violent tendencies. Of course when confronted Chris denies it, but Becca is over it. Chris tells the camera that Lincoln is a monster - he eats 12 eggs a day, so he must have super high cholesterol! (Um, what.) But the guys bounce back - Wills tells her he is falling in love and Colton gets the group date rose.

Now it's Leo's turn to shine. At some point on the date he pulls his curly mane back into a man-bun and it's BETTER. Becca is in a funk at first due to previous date drama, but Leo pulls her out of it and talks about his fear of being a disappointment to his dad. She finds his candor endearing and they shuck oysters and have a lovely dinner and he and his hair get the rose.

His return pisses off the very volatile Chris, who heads over to Becca's hotel to chat. His aggression freaks everyone out, and Becca makes the right call and sends him home. Well, she tries to - she tells him they can't get their relationship back on track, and he stares blankly and asks, "what are you saying?" Okay - you're going to make her spell it out? I guess so. He tries to refuse getting walked out, but she insists. This guy is redonk.

No cocktail party - straight to the rose ceremony - and it's bye bye Lincoln and Connor. She's got some good dudes left - glad she's already scanning the bridal mags!

OCD, thy name is Sarah

How many times does a person need to paint her toenails (the same color) in one weekend? Apparently for me the answer is four. I painted them Saturday night before bed (not smart, but that's the only free time I have!), and got blanket marks on the two big toes (I didn't sleep under the covers and tried to keep my feet out but clearly that didn't work). So yesterday I put another coat on the two big toes. And promptly forgot about it when I got down on my hands and knees on the carpet to help show Georgie how to crawl. Enter carpet fibers and a big mess. Started over, and somehow AGAIN ruined the two toes. So I started over once more and I think I beat the system. Of course now I'm sick of the color...