NOT a handyman. Not even a handywoman.

Tried to put a hexagonal jungle gym together this weekend- it did not go well. Needless to say after blood (okay, bruises), sweat and tears (literally burst out crying at one point), it is safely back in the box on it's way to being returned. Yes I may not have read the directions 100%, but there is no reason to make things so difficult. Especially when the box says "easy peezy" on the outside. Humph.

Won't You Be My Neighbor

Sooo my next-door neighbor got suuuuuper creepy yesterday and I might not ever be able to go in the front yard again. He is in a wheelchair after having a stroke like a year ago, so I will chalk it up to losing some of his brain function, but here are the lowlights:

•  he mentioned needing to beat up his wife
• his grandkids ran out of the house with an actual knife and he said he should hit them with a belt
• he loves my kids and wants them to call him Grandpa. Or Daddy. Or Daddy Mac. (his name is Mac)
• he said if I could ever not find Beau or Georgie, that he took them. And if I ever went missing I was locked up in his closet in thick chains. 
• he would take me out to feed me and sponge bathe me while our across-the-street neighbor watched
• NOTE: I REALIZE I SHOULD HAVE GONE INSIDE AT THIS POINT BUT WAS SO SHOCKED I JUST KIND OF STOOD THERE AND KEPT PUSHING GEORGIE ON THE SWING
• he wants to build a tunnel between our two houses
• he wants me to be a surrogate and have his baby

I don't even know what else. I finally came to my senses and yanked Georgie out of the swing and ran inside and took a cold shower. Just, ew, man.

Virus begone

Beau ended up with 103 degree fever yesterday and all night -poor little guy. Apparently he has RSV and a touch of Hand Foot Mouth. Lovely.

Slight scare

Woke up with a cough - worried was it dry?? wet?? - and Beau had a low fever. Feared the worst, but I think we are okay. Maybe that was it?? HA

May or may not be wearing the same clothes I slept in.

I was worried about the dry cleaners being closed - but then realized I'm only wearing yoga pants these days so who the F cares.

It's a wash, really

The amount of money I'm saving on gas/tolls/pedicures/daycare/LIFE is being spent on things to keep the kids entertained. Backyard jungle gym, I'm looking at you.

Lock it down

The lockdown has begun. Sure glad I got my hair and lashes done last week, because this is really so true it's scary:

Hi, dog years

So the past three days has felt like 3 years. Which means if this thing lasts as long as they are predicting, I will be like 160. Awesome

Schedule shmedule

Schools closed indefinitely, and the estimates are now July/August - basically no end in sight. So here we are. I tried to make a schedule for Georgie so she's not just sitting there watching Peppa Pig all day (she now says to-mah-to, so clearly already watching too much)...
8:30   ABC Mouse
9:00   Read books
9:20   Peppa Pig
10:00 Art or music
10:45 Blocks
11:00 Lunch
11:30 Nap

and then, in the afternoon: MOVIE. Yep, only one activity. God be with us all...

Homebound

Welp.Offices are closed until at least March 30th, so it's work from home for a while! Next week I am off for spring break, but now we won't be able to go anywhere and it will be raining and OMG why 2020.

Also - what in the world will ESPN be showing now? ESPN Classic?

Bye bye bonus

Remember my post about the termites? Well now there's a big puddle of water on the carpet leading into my room, and as much as I would like to say the dog (or my toddler) peed, it's clearly a plumbing leak. So that means in the past 6 months...

• water heater replaced
• new dryer
• crack in ceiling replaced
• new deck (once termite situation is resolved)
• now possibly new pipes

JUST KILL ME

WTF, Barb?!

Good grief Peter's mother is insane! I am of course talking about The Bachelor.  Because what else would I be talking about - Coronavirus??

I am raising a diva

This morning Georgie said "the floor is dirty! Gaga, you sweep it. You need a broom. Sweep now." Yikes.

Too bad there are no more face masks available

Beau, Georgie and my mom have all had a gross cough for like a month now. I assume it's not coronavirus, and unless I have like black mold in my house and it's poisoning everyone slowly, I will have to blame weither patient zero, my mom (cover your mouth when you cough, woman!!), or daycare. Sadly it's probably daycare. And we're stuck with it. Sorry kids. Enjoy the humidifiers.

I miss having a landlord

Being a homeowner is such a whoopin'. Need a new deck because mine is literally rotting and I'm scared Georgie will fall through one of the boards. They pulled up the whole thing only to discover I have termites in my wall. So now we sit with a big mud pit in the backyard, waiting to rip the wall apart and treat the little bastards. Annnnd there goes my tax refund. And probably most of my bonus.
Sigh...

I exercised! (my right to vote)

I don't know why, but when the machine gave me the little "your vote has been counted!" note, I may or may not have gotten a lump in my throat. So cool that we get to do this, even if it most likely makes no difference whatsoever. Still appreciate the opportunity.
GO VOTE!!!

Let it Go (not another Frozen post)

Having kids is the ultimate sacrifice - you kiss your old life goodbye, and probably will never see it again. Now, you do this for good reason and it's totally worth it, but it takes a minute to adjust and realize life is never going to be the same again.

Take working out. I am a big fan, always have been. I get in a bad mood if I don't work out every day. Used to do an hour, even an hour and a half sometimes - and now I am LUCKY to get 45 minutes in. And that usually entails a few 15 minute blocks interrupted by the baby spitting up or having to turn on Peppa Pig while on the elliptical instead of getting all caught up on my Bravo shows. (I know, enter tiny violin here)

Another thing that has changed: my Saturdays. I don't even know what I used to do before kids, but it probably involved watching basketball and day drinking. And now it looks like multiple child birthday parties, and probably next year adding a soccer game into the mix. So basically day drinking might still be a necessary part of the day.