Won't You Be My Neighbor

Sooo my next-door neighbor got suuuuuper creepy yesterday and I might not ever be able to go in the front yard again. He is in a wheelchair after having a stroke like a year ago, so I will chalk it up to losing some of his brain function, but here are the lowlights:

•  he mentioned needing to beat up his wife
• his grandkids ran out of the house with an actual knife and he said he should hit them with a belt
• he loves my kids and wants them to call him Grandpa. Or Daddy. Or Daddy Mac. (his name is Mac)
• he said if I could ever not find Beau or Georgie, that he took them. And if I ever went missing I was locked up in his closet in thick chains. 
• he would take me out to feed me and sponge bathe me while our across-the-street neighbor watched
• NOTE: I REALIZE I SHOULD HAVE GONE INSIDE AT THIS POINT BUT WAS SO SHOCKED I JUST KIND OF STOOD THERE AND KEPT PUSHING GEORGIE ON THE SWING
• he wants to build a tunnel between our two houses
• he wants me to be a surrogate and have his baby

I don't even know what else. I finally came to my senses and yanked Georgie out of the swing and ran inside and took a cold shower. Just, ew, man.