Another chapter for my future book on dating (mis)adventures: this guy emailed me from Match last week, saying "I think I'm in love! Too soon??" (Needing to move at a quicker pace these days, I'm actually fine with that opening line.) We started emailing, then texting - and I noticed he had removed his Match profile. But he swore he wasn't married - just takes it down when he "meets" someone he likes so he doesn't get distracted. That's nice, but a lot of pressure! We set a date for Wednesday, and I checked in with him Monday to make sure we were still on. He assured me we were, and that he had checked out my pictures a few more times. And I never heard from him again. (How bad are my pictures?!)
Quickest path from "love" to "hate" I ever saw. Good times. The real kicker: he also went to UNC! #humph
Thursday, September 10, 2015
Wednesday, September 9, 2015
Diet starts NOW
I wish I could say these injuries were from something cool, like fighting off a bear or even falling off a bike. But no, this happened in Colorado when I was laying out at the pool and my lounge chair buckled under my weight and I fell to the concrete. Good times and not at all a blow to my ego. #sarcasm
Tuesday, September 8, 2015
Bachelor in Paradise recap: The end is near. Actually, the end is here!
That's right - last night was the finale of BIP. And after twice weekly airings, plus the After Paradise talk show, the end couldn't come soon enough. Here's my short and sweet synopsis:
Many paradise-goers were sent home alone: Mikey (after rejecting Juelia and then getting rejected by Mackenzie). (Juelia.) (Mackenzie.) Dan. Ashley S. Jared (after rejecting Ashley I and most likely refusing to take her v-card). (Ashley I.) Amber. Chelsie. Jaclyn (after getting rejected by Justin in favor of the last temptress to arrive, Cassandra).
The remaining "couples" will get a one-on-one date and a night in the fantasy suite! Everyone is pumped but Kirk, who looks like someone killed his dog. Clearly he's not feeling it and he knows he has to break the news to Carly. She does NOT take it well. Runs off, won't let him explain, calls him a liar and bursts into tears. He seems pretty shell-shocked about the whole thing, telling the guys it's the worst break-up he's ever experienced. More than that, Kirk, it's the Most Dramatic Break-up in Bachelor History!
Their breakup causes some tension with everyone left in the house. Tanner puts Jade's fears to rest and they exchange "I love you's." Cassandra refuses to share the fantasy suite with Justin because she's a mom. (Okay...) And Tenley tells Joshua she doesn't know if they will survive in the real world - I mean, he lives in Iowa for god's sakes! And refuses to go by "Josh!"
In the end, Tenley refuses Joshua's rose, but the other couples decide to try things out outside of Paradise:
Justin and Cassandra (NOTE: She appeared on the aftershow and is now dating fellow contestant Jonathan.)
Nick and Samantha (NOTE: Nick says she is the girl of his dreams because she's so hot. That's the ONLY reason. Yet Amber called in to the aftershow to announce that they are indeed still together. Alrighty then.)
Tanner and Jade (NOTE: he did not give her his rose. But instead got down on one knee and popped the question. #engaged)
And there you have it. Another successful and mind-numbing season of Bachelor in Paradise. What in the hell am I going to do with myself on Monday nights now?!
Many paradise-goers were sent home alone: Mikey (after rejecting Juelia and then getting rejected by Mackenzie). (Juelia.) (Mackenzie.) Dan. Ashley S. Jared (after rejecting Ashley I and most likely refusing to take her v-card). (Ashley I.) Amber. Chelsie. Jaclyn (after getting rejected by Justin in favor of the last temptress to arrive, Cassandra).
The remaining "couples" will get a one-on-one date and a night in the fantasy suite! Everyone is pumped but Kirk, who looks like someone killed his dog. Clearly he's not feeling it and he knows he has to break the news to Carly. She does NOT take it well. Runs off, won't let him explain, calls him a liar and bursts into tears. He seems pretty shell-shocked about the whole thing, telling the guys it's the worst break-up he's ever experienced. More than that, Kirk, it's the Most Dramatic Break-up in Bachelor History!
Their breakup causes some tension with everyone left in the house. Tanner puts Jade's fears to rest and they exchange "I love you's." Cassandra refuses to share the fantasy suite with Justin because she's a mom. (Okay...) And Tenley tells Joshua she doesn't know if they will survive in the real world - I mean, he lives in Iowa for god's sakes! And refuses to go by "Josh!"
In the end, Tenley refuses Joshua's rose, but the other couples decide to try things out outside of Paradise:
Justin and Cassandra (NOTE: She appeared on the aftershow and is now dating fellow contestant Jonathan.)
Nick and Samantha (NOTE: Nick says she is the girl of his dreams because she's so hot. That's the ONLY reason. Yet Amber called in to the aftershow to announce that they are indeed still together. Alrighty then.)
Tanner and Jade (NOTE: he did not give her his rose. But instead got down on one knee and popped the question. #engaged)
And there you have it. Another successful and mind-numbing season of Bachelor in Paradise. What in the hell am I going to do with myself on Monday nights now?!
Friday, September 4, 2015
Maybe she's a psychic and can predict the future?
My sweet yet confused grandmother saw the news that Donald Trump would not run for a third party nomination yesterday, and misinterpreted, telling us that he was out of the GOP race entirely! I turned on the news and didn't see anything, checked FB (my source of news) and didn't see anything, and realized what she did. Poor thing still didn't believe us this morning, saying everyone on the news must have misunderstood, too. Okay. #91folks
Thursday, September 3, 2015
Not ok-9
Why do I get nervous seeing drug- and bomb-sniffing dogs wandering around the airport, when I know I have nothing to hide? #ordoi #justkidding
Wednesday, September 2, 2015
Coyote Ugly
Well, finally had a coyote run-in this morning. Was out walking Charlie and two coyotes were trotting up the street towards us. I thought to bring my pepper spray, but was still pretty terrified. I scooped up Charlie and crossed to the other side of the street, stage-whisper yelling at them to stay the hell away. (It was 4:45am, so I didn't want to die, but I also didn't want to wake up the neighbors.) Thank goodness they crossed over to the other side, but it was scary. I guess I'm going to invest in a really big stick. Or get a pet roadrunner.
Tuesday, September 1, 2015
Bachelor in Paradise recap: An alien wedding
In another scene straight out of Friends, we open with the girls frolicking in the ocean. Until Juelia gets stung by a jellyfish. And thanks to Friends, we all know someone has to pee on the sting to get the pain to go away. So a brave (and apparently thirsty) Tenley agrees to take one for the team. Good times in Paradise, people.
Carly's plan to distract Dan from liking Sam by instead liking Chelsie, but she opts to ask Nick on the date instead. He accepts, and then opts to "break up" with Ashley S by telling her she smells like a brewery. Yay. Chelsie and Nick are on a boat - but Nick doesn't feel the romantic spark, and instead talks about his textual relations with Sam. Yay again.
Back on shore, Dan tries to show how much he and Sam have in common. I mean, they both like white rice. Match made in heaven, much??
Mackenzie from Chris' season arrives, dumber than ever, and tries to figure out what her date card means: "Pick a man you see a future with." She decides it must be about aliens, because she believes in them. (As well as mermaids, but that's a tougher date.) She picks Justin, which pisses Amber off. Not sure why, since she only gave him her rose as a default, but I guess when you want to stay in Paradise, any fresh blood that poses a threat can be disheartening. Mac and Justin are both parents (which is terrifying, after listening to Mackenzie talk), so she is excited about this "futuristic" date. Which turns out to be a wedding. THEIR wedding. All en espanol, which neither of them understand ("ropa" is clothes, doofuses! not rope!), but at least Justin gets that "circulo" is "circle." At one point Mac wonders if she is about to be sacrificed. "Because I'm definitely not a virgin." Hey-oh! My favorite part: at the end of the ceremony when the shaman says "Felicidades" (congratulations), and Mackenzie responds with "Como esta?" BRILLIANT. She thinks they are legit married, which is highly concerning to Justin, realizing the very brief honeymoon period is now over.
Jaclyn from Ben's season arrives, with a new platinum 'do, a short onesie and an attitude. She doesn't know any of these people, therefore she doesn't care about them. Relationships? Screw it - these guys are probably sick of these women, and could use a breath of fresh air. She narrows in on Jared, but just as she's about to use her date card on him, Ashley I swoops in with a date card of her own, an overnight fantasy suite date card courtesy of Chris Harrison. (So wait - all a girl has to do to get a date is ask Chris? Good to know.)
Ashley I and her fake hair extensions are ready to give up the v-card. Sadly she thinks it's her only way of getting to stay in Paradise. (Not the best reason to have sex, kiddies.) But will Jared take it? STAY TUNED...
Carly's plan to distract Dan from liking Sam by instead liking Chelsie, but she opts to ask Nick on the date instead. He accepts, and then opts to "break up" with Ashley S by telling her she smells like a brewery. Yay. Chelsie and Nick are on a boat - but Nick doesn't feel the romantic spark, and instead talks about his textual relations with Sam. Yay again.
Back on shore, Dan tries to show how much he and Sam have in common. I mean, they both like white rice. Match made in heaven, much??
Mackenzie from Chris' season arrives, dumber than ever, and tries to figure out what her date card means: "Pick a man you see a future with." She decides it must be about aliens, because she believes in them. (As well as mermaids, but that's a tougher date.) She picks Justin, which pisses Amber off. Not sure why, since she only gave him her rose as a default, but I guess when you want to stay in Paradise, any fresh blood that poses a threat can be disheartening. Mac and Justin are both parents (which is terrifying, after listening to Mackenzie talk), so she is excited about this "futuristic" date. Which turns out to be a wedding. THEIR wedding. All en espanol, which neither of them understand ("ropa" is clothes, doofuses! not rope!), but at least Justin gets that "circulo" is "circle." At one point Mac wonders if she is about to be sacrificed. "Because I'm definitely not a virgin." Hey-oh! My favorite part: at the end of the ceremony when the shaman says "Felicidades" (congratulations), and Mackenzie responds with "Como esta?" BRILLIANT. She thinks they are legit married, which is highly concerning to Justin, realizing the very brief honeymoon period is now over.
Jaclyn from Ben's season arrives, with a new platinum 'do, a short onesie and an attitude. She doesn't know any of these people, therefore she doesn't care about them. Relationships? Screw it - these guys are probably sick of these women, and could use a breath of fresh air. She narrows in on Jared, but just as she's about to use her date card on him, Ashley I swoops in with a date card of her own, an overnight fantasy suite date card courtesy of Chris Harrison. (So wait - all a girl has to do to get a date is ask Chris? Good to know.)
Ashley I and her fake hair extensions are ready to give up the v-card. Sadly she thinks it's her only way of getting to stay in Paradise. (Not the best reason to have sex, kiddies.) But will Jared take it? STAY TUNED...
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