Bacehelorette recap: #gauchopants

We're still in Argentina, which the producers keep reminding us about by constantly showing horses and wine. Nothing wrong with that. Tiny Alex gets the first one-on-one date, and everyone is relieved because maybe now he'll stop bitching about never having a one-on-one date. He and JoJo ride to an estancia together, and he shows off an embarrassing rap about her. Not to be undone, the other five guys are in a bus and perform a clearly well-rehearsed little ditty of their own. What is this - Bachelorette: The Musical? Leave the hip hop to Hamilton, boys. Alex dons the official gaucho outfit, complete with French beret (?), while JoJo gets to just wear normal Ralph Lauren ad-type clothing. They ride horses and get to know each other better, and on their first date Alex decides to tell her he's in love. Alrighty. JoJo is uncomfortable. No one makes JoJo uncomfortable. No rose for Alex. He's probably regretting whining about a one-on-one date now...


The next one-on-one goes to Jordan (of course). They stomp grapes with their bare feet and then proceed to drink what they have just made. I may have gagged. Although (toe) cheese and wine do go together...Clearly fishing, JoJo asks Jordan who she could expect to meet on hometowns next week. He admits that his middle brother will not be there. JoJo: "And that's...Aaron?" DUH. You know it's Aaron Rodgers. And you know you are totally bummed out. No Aaron? No Olivia Munn? No Hollywood connections?? I truly could see her disappointment as he explained they were not close and he didn't like Aaron's lifestyle. This conversation will not help patch up the relationship in the future, that's for sure. But Jordan admits to being in love, and this time JoJo is happy.


The group date - James Taylor, Chase and Robby - becomes a slumber party date when the rain cancels plans. After a massage train and a rousing game of truth or dare involving Robby streaking down the hall in his skivvies, they settle in to watch - The Bachelor: Argentina. Because why not.  James takes this opportunity to tell JoJo that Robby looks at all other attractive women - "Wandering Eye Robby," they call him - which Robby vehemently denies. James then opens up that  he's fallen for JoJo, but he knows he's no frontrunner. Guess he's right - Robby gets the rose.


The final date with Luke involves more horses, plus skeet-shooting. I feel like Luke and Jordan's dates are catered to them and their strong suits. Whatever. JoJo actually does pretty well shooting (hey Texas), and Luke tells her how excited he would be to bring her home. He doesn't have a five-year plan, but if he's with her, he'll be fine. She swoons.


No rose ceremony - which makes Chase and James very nervous. And they should be - James gets the boot. JoJo cries, he cries, I almost cry. Sweet lil James Taylor. He's seen fire AND rain, amiright?


Next week: hometown dates! We're nearing the end, people! Which means Bachelor in Paradise is right around the corner!

Sea minus

Who manages to get seasick on a lake? I do. Went kayaking for my birthday yesterday, and it was just lovely, but the wind made it a bit rocky on the lake and I was struggling to keep my breakfast down. Plus the fact that my arms were on fire from the rowing - guess I can't add Olympic Kayaker to my resume any time soon. I was very glad to be back on shore 45 minutes later. And then headed to the pool which was much safer for everyone involved.

Does the H in HOV stand for Hell?

I'm not a fan of the HOV lane. First of all, I am always driving alone so can't use it, but I'm always scared there will be an accident. And then what do you do? I know those barriers can be driven through, but that seems bad for the car. So you just back the hell up? I accidentally found myself driving (illegally) in the HOV lane last weekend, and it was the exact nightmare I envisioned - I couldn't get out! I had to drive like 20 miles out of the way because I was too afraid to drive over the barriers and there was no exit! Total blonde moment. And total disaster.

Buffy? Mitzy? Let's meet at the club.

There's a country club right behind my house, and it turns out if you don't need the golf part of the membership, it's not that much to join. So I'm doing it. Or trying to do it - the application process is like getting into college! I need letters of recommendation. Pay stubs. A sponsor. A photo of myself. Honestly surprised there's no essay portion. Or maybe it's given out in the oral interview. Please pick me. I really want to use the pool.

There's always room for jell-o

Went to the Fraternal Order of Eagles (FOE) pool on Sunday. I've only been there once before, but now it's so close to my house that I think it's going to become my new "spot." $8 to get in, and they serve cheap drinks (jell-o shots!) and food once inside. It's family-friendly, but most people were over 30 and heavily tattooed. It's been called a "hipster's country club," and that's a pretty fair description. Going back Sunday for my birthday to see what the crowd is like NOT on a holiday weekend. Expecting more of the same. And I dig it.

One man's trash...

I guess I should take it as a compliment that when I put out items for bulk trash, they are picked up in less than an hour. And not by the bulk trash people, mind you. By neighbors. Can't wait to see what they'd do if I had a garage sale.

Torched

I'm as big of an Olympics fan as the next guy (well, Summer Olympics at least), but I can't help feeling like the Rio games are going to be an unmitigated disaster of epic proportions. Like worse than Sochi. (And THAT'S bad.) From the hazardous waste in the water to the jaguar mascot who broke loose and had to be shot to the lack of hospitals and emergency workers to Zika to the latest: body parts found on the beach next to the volleyball arena, I'm just not getting a good vibe here. Call me crazy.


#dallas2080