Tinder Nightmares

I have been "matching" with guys on Tinder who I have never seen before (and would not normally swipe right on). So either these guys were "liked" by my married friends who find apps like Tinder sheer entertainment, or I swipe right in my sleep. I used to dream that I updated my Facebook status in the middle of the night (and would nervously check my phone in the morning), so I guess this is the next logical step...

SPELLCHECK, people!

I am super anal about grammar and spelling, and have been noticing spelling mistakes more often lately. For example:

• A few typos in the closed captioning during Bachelor in Paradise (for example, "Ashley" spelled "Ashely." I realize that's a tiny error, but man did it bug me.
• The large traffic sign by my office announces "Nihgtly closures" and it drives me nuts daily.
• A truck in front of me with signage promoting a business spelled "Maintenance" "Maintenace." I almost honked to let him know.

I feel like I'm helping people when I point these things out. But really I'm pissing them off. I should probably be a proofer as a profession. It relaxes me to find typos. #thisiswhyimsingle

Things that make you go Hmmm

Couple of ponderings I've had lately:


1. If I get a blister every time I mow the lawn, I'm either doing it wrong or my body is telling me I shouldn't mow lawns. I prefer the latter, obviously.


2. Why can bees see color but dogs can't? (Not looking for the scientific rods and cones answer here; more of a hypothetical.) I wish my dog could see color. Although it's not like she knows what she's missing out on. You would just think if a freaking bee can see color, your dog should too. #caninerights


3. This came up at work this week - since Singapore is a city-state, do you address a letter to Singapore, Singapore? (Again, I know the answer. Just spitballing here.)


Finally, in Bachelor in Paradise news (I clearly can't stop), Ellen had Jared, Caila and Ashley I on yesterday's show. It was ridiculously awkward. At least bring out the couples who are still together...(and thank god Ashley didn't cry. Although Ellen was ready with a box of tissues.)

Bachelor in Paradise recap: The Ultimate Trifecta

Unbelievably, three couples got engaged last night on the BIP finale. After knowing each other for like two weeks. I mean more power to 'em, but I kind of doubt all of these relationships will last:


Evan and Carly. Let's remember, she puked after kissing him. But maybe they are weird enough to make it work. She has met his three kids already, and apparently they are moving in together in Nashville. Good luck on "happily evan after."


Josh and Amanda: He's a moaner, she's a mother, he's trying to improve his image and desperate to stop sweating. He has moved to Orange County to be with her and "loves" her daughters. I'm sure Andi Dorfman rolled her eyes at this whole exchange. As did I.


Grace (Grant and Lace): They are drama - lots of tears, lots of second-guessing, but in the end they have matching tattoos - so they gotta make it work. She has moved to San Fran to be with him, Here's hoping she left those crazy spider lashes at home.


Jen and Nick broke it off (obvi, as he is about to seek love on The Bachelor), and we get some fun updates about everyone else. Including Chad, who producers reassure us will never be the bachelor. #thankgod


Here's hoping for a triple wedding, but again I give these guys all about 6 months. For the sponsorship deals to dry up and for reality to set in. But I'm not bitter...


We survived Paradise! More Jorge next season!

Bachelor in Paradise recap: Grace under fire

At this point, you would think they were done bringing in new people to Paradise - it's the last week, after all. But noooo - in walks Tiara, the "chicken enthusiast." (At first I heard "Tierra" and was hoping for THAT trainwreck, but apparently she's engaged or something. Dang.) With protein enthusiast Chad being long gone, Tiara is pretty much SOL. Nick convinces her to give him her date card - he and Jen need to figure out where they're at. (Well, mostly Nick needs to - Jen knows she is falling for him but wants him to come clean about his feelings.)


They see a fortune teller, who turns over a card that eerily resembles Nick  - and has one foot in and one foot out. Nick admits he has walls up - this is not his first (or second) rodeo - but he does see a future with her. (NOTE: clearly not a long future, as he is the new Bachelor.)


Brett (lamp guy)  decides he has a better connection with Lauren H than Izzy, and tells her he won't be giving her his rose. Izzy decides to try again with Vinny, who she rejected when Brett arrived, but thankfully Vinny (who has to ask who is calling - ouch) doesn't want to be the rebound guy and is not "Vin it to win it." Izzy then pukes out of the exit SUV window. Ah, young love.


Also dealing with feelings of vomit is Wells, who is in a love quadrangle with Shushanna, Ashley I and Jami. He's comfortable with Jami, a bit afraid of Ashley and her potential to have an emotional breakdown, and doesn't know Shu that well although he tells her he'd like to get to know her better. The Russian isn't having this - Shu waits for no man! - and gives him a "nyet" as she marches to the exit SUV.


At the rose ceremony, the "steady" couples remain:
Grant and Lace (Grace)
Amanda and Josh
Evan and Carly
Nick and Jen


Brett decides not to give out a rose after all - sorry Lauren! And in a bold move, Wells decides to give his rose to Ashley I. Sorry Jami!


The next day, Chris Harrison meets with the 5 couples left, reminding them how "everything changes" and they need to be ready to commit in the real world or get the eff out of Paradise. Carly is a bundle of nerves, since this was the exact moment a year ago when Kirk dumped her, but she is fairly confident Evan wouldn't do that to her. (And if he does, she's going to cut off his balls. So there's that.) And the guys start teasing Wells about taking Ashley's v-card. She is ready for all things fantasy suite (and even hopes to get engaged - to a guy she's been on ONE DATE with!) All of this freaks Wells out too much, and he bails. Leaving Ashley to do what she does best - cry.


And then there were four (couples). Each embark on their final dates, complete with fantasy suites, and prepare to maybe get engaged. Grant and Lace get "Grace" tattoos, and she is the most annoying, whiny person EVER. She calms down a bit when hearing that the tattoo artist and his wife got engaged after 12 days, which is about as long as she and Grant have known each other. She finally tells him she loves him, and neither one regrets getting that tat. Yet.


Nick and Jen try paddle boarding, and are both fairly terrible (shout-out to the dog on the board, who looks terrified but manages to keep it together better than either of these two). Nick says he is willing to try a long-distance relationship (he is in California; she in in Florida); Jen doesn't see this as the declaration of love she was hoping for. (Foreshadowing, methinks)


Evan and Carly are weird, and of course their date is weird too. A large woman invites them to strip down to their skivvies (although she herself takes off her top altogether) and slather each other with paint and paint something with their bodies. Kinky, but then again the guy handles erectile dysfunction for a living. Evan admits to being in love with her, and she feels the same. She is NOT getting "Kirked" again, dammit!


Amanda and Josh find some kids playing soccer and join in the game. Amanda likes seeing him with kids - she has two (how quickly we forget), and wants to make sure she doesn't get "Benned" and introduce a man to her daughters just to get dumped. Josh keeps moaning when kissing her, and it seriously makes me ill. I can't even watch this anymore. Just one...more...episode...

Lazy is as lazy does

We have started bringing in a team of nail technicians every other week so employees can get manicures and pedicures at the office. And there are food trucks every week or so so people don't have to go out for lunch. And now there's a company that comes and fills up your gas tank while you work, so no more trips to the gas station. We're also looking at a mobile car wash company to stop by every so often. So my question is, HOW LAZY HAVE WE BECOME. I mean, really. Of course, I did get a manicure this week, so I don't exactly have room to talk. But still. Once again, I blame millennials. :)

"That's Sarah with an "h""

 - me spelling my name to the conference organizer...because I've somehow been asked to moderate a roundtable discussion at an international intranet conference in London in November! Still not 100% sure I can go, as travel budgets have been slashed at work, but the conference is free since I'm participating, and pretty cool to even get to fill out the paperwork with a blurb about myself (which was harder to write than I thought it would be) and attaching a photo. Of course it was a Facebook profile pic, as I don't have any professional headshots. But hell - should my "speaking career" take off, maybe I should get some! #dontholdyourbreath #betterbelievethisisgoingonmyresume