Howdy, folks

Made it to the State Fair of Texas this weekend - hadn't been in a few years, and had a free ticket, so figured what the heck. I'm proud to say that I made it out of there only having spent $20. (Well, plus $5 for the train to get there.) Considering the Diet DP was $5, I think that's a pretty impressive feat. Granted, I don't eat any of the fried crap they serve out there (chicken fried bacon! deep fried pecan pie! etc.), and don't ride the rides because I fear they were constructed in about 15 minutes by a carny with no teeth. Speaking of carnies, I also won two hats in the midway, thanks to some generous friends (thought one was an octopus; turns out it was a squid that sort of looks like a penis. But I digress.).  Perhaps I should write a book: How to Get in and out of the State Fair on $20 or less.
Hell - I'd read it.

How am I not on IMDB?

As I have probably mentioned before, I lived in LA in 2000 and was an extra on a few TV shows. Most of those were crowd scenes, and therefore it's hard to ever find myself. But on one show, Popular (which aired on the then-WB), they asked for volunteers to have their hair sprayed weird and to blacken in a tooth. I knew this meant screen time, so raised my hand. (Turned out it was a scene from a podunk high school in Tupelo, MS - no offense, Mississippians.) It's still tough to see me, but my ridiculously blonde hair is hard to miss. (having trouble getting the picture to rotate. apologies)

It ain't easy bein green - or hitting your ball there

Survived the golf course, although I was ready to quit after 9 holes (really after 6, but who's counting). The team bailed after 15 because it was taking forever and we had to go back to work. I wasn't very good, but I did hit one from the tee directly onto the green, allowing us to par a hole (look at me with all the lingo!), and a few times mine was the lead ball that we all used for the next shot since it was a scramble. But let's not get ahead of ourselves - there was lots of whiffing and divot replacing and cursing. I sort of want to take lessons now. So that's two new sports I have decided to take up in 2015: surfing and golfing. Sure, why not.

And thank the lord, there were bathrooms.

I can't believe it's not putter

Playing in a charity golf tournament today. The fact that I have never played actual golf (doubt Top Golf counts) doesn't bother me. Nor does the fact that I don't own golf clubs or golf shoes. And really don't even own a proper collared shirt to wear. (I do randomly own three golf gloves, however - so there's that.)

My biggest concern: how do you go to the bathroom?!

Stay tuned.

Step right up, folks!

Trying to come up with a State Fair-themed contest for employees to win the reserved parking spot, I of course thought of Guess My Weight. Allow employees to submit guesses, and whoever got closest without going over would win. I wouldn't ever reveal the actual number, of course - but I guess the winner could potentially blab about it to everyone. I figured it wouldn't make it past HR, but surprisingly they loved the idea. But the more people I told, the more people said no one would actually have the balls to send in a guess. So we went with a lame quiz about the history of the Fair. Boo. Maybe I'll start trying to grow a beard by next year and at least people can pay to see the bearded lady.

Grocery store woes

Why do I always get the one cart at the supermarket with the squeaky/broken/ridiculously loud wheel? And by the time I figure it out, I'm too lazy to go back and get another one. So I'm stuck barreling through the aisles, sounding like a freight train and pretending not to notice all the other shoppers staring at me.

And ANOTHER thing: what gives with the self-service line? It would be so much faster if it didn't say "an associate has been notified to help you" every time. I did what the voice told me - I scanned my item and put it in the bagging area! Why does an associate need to verify this?! Or why do you think I removed my item from the bagging area? I respect the bagging area. Good lord.
 I remember when the biggest dilemma at the grocery store was paper or plastic.

#firstworldproblems

The one with the flashbacks

Today marks the 20th anniversary of the premiere of Friends, and even though I have seen every episode at least 20 times, I still love it and laugh out loud. I also can relate daily experiences to an episode of Friends - like Friday, when I got my teeth whitened, I thought about the one where Ross gets his whitened and they glow in the dark. Greatness. Here, some of my favorite Friends moments:

When Joey says it's a "moo point - like a cow's opinion, it doesn't matter. It's moo."
Joey trying to figure out air quotes.
Phoebe changing her name to Princess Consuela Bananahammock.
The one with the lightning round, where we learn Monica's nickname was "Big Fat Goalie" and Chandler's father's show is called "Viva Las Gay-gas."
Kathleen Turner as Chandler's dad.
Chandler telling Phoebe "it's not Spiderman. It's not his last name - Phil Spiderman. It's Spider MAN."
Chandler being stuck in a box for Thanksgiving.
Brad Pitt coming to Thanksgiving dinner.
Monica dancing with a giant turkey on her head on Thanksgiving.
Fat Monica.
And of course, "we were on a break."

Long live Nick at Nite reruns.