Bachelorette recap: Irish eyes are crying

Good lord there were a lot of tears this week. This show should be brought to you by waterproof mascara. Although guys cried as much as Kaitlyn did, so never mind.

Shawn is in Kaitlyn's room, freaking out about their relationship - she said he was "the one" off-camera in San Antonio, so why is she so into Nick?? (Off-camera will be a running theme this week, and someone should be fired for allowing all the important convos to take place off-camera, IMO.) Kaitlyn freaks out about Shawn freaking out, and tells him he just has to deal because that's the show, yo. She still thinks he might know about her "intimate night" with Nick. Clearly he doesn't or he would have already left, but whatevs. Time for a 2-on-1 date!

It's JJ versus Joe in the "one rose, who stays, who goes" showdown. It's a super boring date in which Joe professes his love for her and JJ confesses he cheated on his wife. Wonder who will get sent home. (JJ, obvi)


When Joe returns with the rose, Shawn has already been stewing in his anger soup all day and once again storms into Kaitlyn's room. He finally comes clean about how the off-camera convo messed with his head and needs reassurance. Kaitlyn once again says it's not show friends, it's show business, so get on with it.

At the rose ceremony, Kaitlyn is stressed, and lets all the guys know it. Maybe it's that she slept with Nick too soon. Or maybe her nose piercing is rubbing her the wrong way. (Sorry - had to mention it.) She once again meets with Shawn and tells him they need to take a few steps back. Uh oh. Another uh oh: Ben H is pissed about his off-camera time with Kaitlyn (seriously. they couldn't find one cameraman during this time?) - something happened between she and Shawn that night, didn't it?! Ooh, he's very perceptive. And up for some smooching.

Nick has his time with Kait, and asks if he is the reason she's had such a bad week. And then starts crying, thinking about the last time he was on the show. Because that's what a girl wants to hear.

Tanner and Ben Z are given the boot, and I was honestly surprised it was Ben and not Cupcake. Although Cupcake is not long for this world either...

The remaining fellas head to Kilarney on a big green bus - except for Jared, who gets to road trip it with Kaitlyn. They stop at the Blarney Stone and kiss it and then kiss each other, which I kind of gagged at, thinking about those thousands of years of germs.

Chris Harrison finally appears to assess the damage little slutty Kaitlyn has done. It is decided that she shouldn't meet anyone's families yet - she is still too all over the map and needs off-camera time (!) will all the guys equally, dammit! Because that will make things so much less confusing for her and the guys. (insert sarcastic emoji here)

So the six guys will be cut to three, those three will go on the overnight dates (yay more sluttiness!), and the final two will introduce her to their families. The guys deal fairly well with this new turn of events, and Cupcake gets the date card. They helicopter it (drink!) over to the beautiful Cliffs of Moher, where Kaitlyn pushes him off.

Just kidding, but she might as well have, since she tells him through hiccuping sobs that he is perfect but she can't see a future with him. He presses her for more details and she gives him nothing, leaving him sobbing uncontrollably on the cliff. For a second I thought he might hurl himself over the edge (why else would a producer be standing so close to him?!), but he just threw himself on the ground in a fit. Because that's what a girl wants to see.

To Be Continued...(probably off-camera)

TMI

I ran a 10K a few weeks ago. I think I have mentioned that I no longer train for races and just go out there and hope for the best. This time, although it was ridiculously humid and I was drenched in sweat by mile 1, it wasn't my body that gave out - it was my underwear. I chose to wear a very comfortable - yet as it turns out, very loose - pair of granny panties under my running shorts. Big mistake. Huge.

Immediately the undies started sliding down, and the entire race I had to keep shoving my hands down my shorts to pull them up (sorry, fellow runners). I was seriously tempted to run behind a bush and just take them off and go commando, but felt that would be inappropriate. Equally inappropriate, though, was the end of the race when I gave up and let them hang down underneath my shorts.

It was not a good look, people. Not at all. I totally earned my finishers medal that day.

Totally Sk80s

We had an 80s rollerskating party last night for work (because why not). A few thoughts:

• Legwarmers worn in the summer in Texas are a very bad idea. Soooo hot.
• Roller rinks have not changed since the 1980s. They literally look (and smell) the same. I was very interested in where they bought the roller skate carpeting, however. My house does need new carpet...
• Wearing multiple neon colors while driving, I was praying not to get in an accident or get pulled over. However, by the end of the night I was so hungry that I went to get fro yo, not really caring what the hell I looked like. The girl at the counter, bless her heart, looked me up and down and just said, "Bright!" When I explained where I had been, she seemed relieved.

Get outta my dreams, get into my car (beep beep yeah)

For the second time in three years, a car dealership has called me, expressing interest in buying my car. (No clue how they keep finding me, but that's another post.) Now, it's not like I'm driving impressive vehicles here. The first time, it was a 2007 Jeep Liberty. And now, it's my 2012 Ford Mustang. Which I've actually been wanting to trade in because, although it's super sporty and shiny and cute, it doesn't hold jack in the trunk and it's just not practical. #sigh

So, ironically I may be trading in the 'stang for another Jeep. Full circle, anyone?

Such a tool.

A very kind co-worker is letting me have his yard tools since he moved into an apartment. So I am now the proud owner of a tree trimmer, a weed whacker, an edger and a leaf blower. I don't know how to use any of them, and was honestly most excited when he showed me that my back seats fold down and I could in fact fit these giant tools in my tiny car. Owned the car for two years and never knew that. Game changer, people.

Bachelorette recap: sex, brags and Irish rock and roll

Let's just dive right in, shall we? We're back in San Antonio with Ian berating Kaitlyn on being shallow and only wanting to plow guys' fields (she had to know that joke would come back to bite her in the ass, no?). It's clear that Princeton-bred Ian knows he's going home, and wants to save face (and in so doing, make a run for the next Bachelor). Interesting way of going about that, buddy. Kaitlyn is so over it, and sends him on his merry way. In the exit limo, Ian once again reminds us how deep he is, and what a great Bachelor he'd make - and how he needs to have sex. Annnnnd scene. Guessing he won't be asked to speak at any Princeton alumni events any time soon.

Kaitlyn is shaken up, and Nick comes to the rescue - by making out with her. Not sure how much of a mental connection these two have, but there is certainly a physical one...(more on that later) Shawn busts in on the two of them smooching, and he is not amused. He questions what he and Kaitlyn have, if she can seemingly have it with another guy too. (Has he WATCHED The Bachelor before? Because that's kind of the MO of the show. Just saying.) Kaitlyn has accepted her role as the "makeout bandit," dammit - and we should all get on board. Nick first of course. (HEY-OH)

She pulls it together for a rose ceremony at the Alamo, and we pull ourselves together for lots of bad Alamo-related metaphors and "last stands in the wild west." Justin and Joshua (and his tragic half-hawk hairdo) are given the (cowboy?) boot, but the rest of the group is pumped - they're off to Ireland!

Cue bad "luck of the Irish" jokes, because Kaitlyn does in fact get lucky in Dublin. She and Nick have a one-on-one date that involves a little tourism, a splash of whiskey, and a bunch of inappropriate making out and groping in a Catholic church. Nick mumbles "I'm feeling for you," which I will blame on the whiskey, and she invites him back to her hotel room. But not before straddling him on the streets of Dublin in a very short skirt. And we wonder why everyone hates Americans. Although Kaitlyn is Canadian...

We cut back to the guys in the hotel room. The poor naive guys who think Kaitlyn and Nick are probably having a bad time, but how Nick has been there before and will probably make it to the end. Cut back to gross sounds in Kaitlyn's room because apparently the microphones are still on. Ew.

In case you are totally clueless, we are treated to images of this the next morning:

The birds and the bees, duh.
Plus Nick's walk of shame and Kait's "oh man what have I done" on the balcony kind of sealed the deal. Nick heads back to the guys' hotel room, and Kaitlyn fears he will blab of his conquest. But all he really says is that she invited him back to her room and they talked and it was "intimate." Hmmm.

The guys can't dwell on this too much, because it's group date time! And in another very weird date with embarrassing performances that are clearly Kaitlyn's cup of tea, it's her Irish wake and she lies in an (open) coffin while the guys give the eulogy. Because nothing says romance like kissing a corpse. The whole thing kind of gave me the heebie jeebies, but luckily the guys had fun with it (or, as much fun as they possibly could since their girlfriend was "dead"). Tanner and Jared wrote Irish limericks (well played), Ben H told a grim story of Kaitlyn getting eaten by pigeons, which is her biggest fear, Cupcake sang an Irish dirge, Shawn toasted to Kait killing herself after spending the day before with Nick, and poor Ben Z made the other guys clear out so he could have a heartfelt moment with Kaitlyn and was reminded of his mother's funeral. Yay for depressing dates!

Kaitlyn knows she has to boost the mood back up, so cocktail hour begins. She spends some quality time with Jared, and then Shawn shows her family photos (aw). But Jared (who reminds me more and more of a Reality Bites-era Ethan Hawke) gets the rose - which entitles him to a private concert by The Cranberries (!!). "Linger" took me right back to high school. And I liked it.

Not getting the rose after opening himself up sends Shawn into a downward (possibly drunken) spiral. He storms outside to talk to a producer, saying he and Kaitlyn stayed up the whole night talking and she told him he was the one. So why didn't HE get the rose?? He threatens to walk, so is escorted to Kaitlyn's room (soon to be a tourist destination in Ireland) and we are once again hit with a To Be Continued.Sigh.

We do learn that Britt has introduced Brady to her mother, who has placed him squarely in the friend zone. And I guess we have to wait until next week to see the dreaded two-on-one date with JJ and Kentucky Joe...

No "love" of tennis over the weekend

Found a tennis center near my house, so dusted off my racket and headed over on Saturday for a group lesson. However, the instructor was sick, so the class was cancelled. Since I was already in my tennis finery, I decided not to waste an opportunity, so rented the ball machine. The kid who set it up clearly didn't know what he was doing, and the oscillation was set on the highest level. (aka the balls were shooting so far apart across the court that I was sprinting to even try to make contact.) I tried to fix it myself but couldn't, so resigned myself to getting an amazing workout (sweat was literally dripping off my eyelashes). After an hour or so, the head of the center finally came over and asked what the hell I was doing, and how long had the machine been like this. Doubled over, I panted "an hour!" and he fixed it for me. My god what a difference a few turns of the wrist makes. At least I was able to knock out 29000 steps on my pedometer. #silverlining