Diane's fancy NYE plans

Sad when a little plastic doll has fancier plans than I do, but she'll be at Javier's. Again. Probably in the cigar bar, trolling for an A-Rod bobblehead to smooch at midnight. Gold-digger.

Regardless, Happy New Year everyone!!

Ho ho, ho's

The last day of work before the Christmas break inevitably feels like the last day of school before Christmas break: everyone is hopped up on cookies and cocoa and other sugary goodies; no one is actually doing any work (which is good, since the phones aren't ringing and all emails are "out of office" bouncebacks anyway); and you're just hoping the boss lets you go early. Preferably before the sugar high wears off around 3pm.

Have a great holiday everyone! 34 followers and counting! :)

Diane, practicing for her part in the nativity play

(aka Fun With Kleenex)

This "cracks" me up for some reason

It's a gingerbread crack house! Love the obscene graffiti. And no, I didn't make it. That's the beauty of the internets, people.

The Christmas Glutton, Part II

See Diane. See Diane face-planted in the cookies. Sleep it off, Diane.

The Christmas Glutton: A Diane Tale

Diane Esparza loves Christmas.

She adores getting treats.

But Miss Diane has a problem

When it comes to the sweets.

"Christmas cookies!" she exclaimed,

Grabbing one right off the plate.

But sugar is her crack,

and you can now guess her fate.

Global Warming=Grinch

It is going to be 76 here today, close to 80 tomorrow. Not exactly a winter wonderland or cuddle-up-by-the-fireside weather. (I don't have a fireplace anyway, but I DO have one of those yule log DVDs and it works just as well, thank you.)

And although I'm spending Christmas in Colorado, my mom doesn't live in the mountains and there's no snow there, either! At least it will be cold enough to wear freaking sweaters and drink hot cocoa without sweating, though. Stupid global warming.

SNL Digital Shorts KILL ME.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lQlIhraqL7o&feature=player_embedded

Possible dates for Diane

I am at once entertained and horrified at the sheer volume of bobbleheads out there. Of course you've got your athletes, your politicians (Joe Biden? alrighty), even your Jesus and Pope bobbleheads for the religious among you. But for little Diane, I think she needs someone a bit more...attainable. Take your pick, mmm-kay?

Bite me, Kim Kardashian

Love how she's making a conscious effort to try to be single for a whole year. She said, "I've made a promise to myself and I'm going to try really hard to stick with it, but I'm such a hopeless romantic [and inexplicably have guys throwing themselves at her] that it's hard." Boo freaking hoo, Kimmy. Want to switch? You can enjoy 33 years of being single! It's a blast.

Forecast calls for SNO.

That's not a spelling error, and that also has nothing to do with the weather. Tonight, apparently, is "Sarahs' Night Out" (SNO), since I am hitting the town with two lovely Sarahs. And we all spell it the same (and the correct way, ahem). Look out, world. Sarahs are comin' for ya.

A rare insight into dudes

Okay, not really. But I love reading the ESPN.com message boards - granted, most of them are about college basketball (my chosen topic of choice, duh). But there will be an occasional post and ensuing conversation between guys about things like dating, sex, what to have for lunch, favorite R&B group, and a recent topical one that made me giggle out loud: 50+ posts on "The 5 Worst Christmas Songs EVER." Guys are funny. And reading these things makes me feel like I'm a fly on the locker room wall. Because you KNOW they don't just talk about sports (or even sex) in there. There's bound to be a "Dude, should I go to Subway for lunch?" conversation going on. Hilarious.

All I wanted for Christmas, circa 1988

The Dooney & Bourke bucket bag. Everyone in the sixth grade had one - this WAS Hockaday, remember - and I wanted one so bad. Especially to take on our class trip to Williamsburg/Washington DC. But what did Santa bring me instead? A Liz Claiborne shoulder bag that was honestly not even a close replica. Think of wanting a BMW convertible and getting a Ford sedan. Yet somehow I have managed to survive without one. (But still like to whine about it sometimes.) Bygones.

Bachelor Brad is Baaaaack

...and the lovely ladies competing for his attention are up on abc.com.

In a nutshell:

*Lots of tats. Esp. of shamrocks.
*A smattering of weird name spellings. "J?"
*Some odd jobs. Manscaper? Funeral director? Model (in Vail)?
*People can comment on the girls' photos (for the first time I can remember). Some comments are harsh, others are just plain awesome.

Let the good times roll January 3! I still predict he picks no one, although he's saying he found love. Maybe with a producer.

Someone's caught Bieber Fever

Willow Smith looks cute, but is going to have a tough time "whipping" this hair. Time for another single to come out, I guess...

A little something for the tree. Or not.

Ouch.

At least she's not a Dook fan

(And yes, that's my mouse pad. What.)

Why.

How come EVERY time I see the name "Dwayne" (which, let's be honest, isn't all that often), I immediately think, "dwain the bathtub, I'm dwowning!"

Heh. I am so juvenile. Anyone have a whoopie cushion?

*Apologies to anyone named Dwayne.

Diane learns how to use the copier.

Diane. Diane-a-rama. Steak Diane. Making copies. Not creepy AT ALL.

This picture scares me.

It's like "pick out which of these women is really a man." And I have to give it to both X-tina and Cher. YIKES, ladies. You're starting to look like dudes.

(xoxo Kristen Bell, aka Gossip Girl.)

Where's Dwight Schrute when you really need him?

While relaying the intimate details of our office holiday party to my friend Jade (shout-out), she said it sounded like something on "The Office." So true, so true. Aside from the merriment surrounding Diane Esparza, the "party" consisted of a three-hour (!) pot-luck lunch with a holiday CD playing in the background. Except when it was time for the live entertainment, courtesy of a guy who works in the Web Services office, who did some stand-up comedy. The first joke literally started, "I just flew in from Vegas..." (and sadly didn't end with "...and boy are my arms tired!" - because I probably would have laughed at that)

Now, a party's a party, and we did get to go home afterwards. Plus I of course left with the gift that keeps on giving, Diane. But still. A little sad.

10...9...8...

Somehow got roped into co-hosting a NYE party with a guy friend of mine. Apparently his friends were trying to convince him to have a party, and he said "Only if Sarah will co-host." I swear it's only because I have a few single girlfriends who I can coax into attending. So basically I'm like a madam. Awesome.

Still - I prefer the NYE house party over braving cabs and bars and cover charges any day, so I'll bring my ladies (of the night -ha) and have a blast. Because my one stipulation was that the party have karaoke. Yay. Bring it, 2011.

Happy Holidays from Sarah and Diane

...does that make me sound like I'm in a lesbian relationship? FML. (Not that there's anything wrong with that.)

FML

Dermatologist appointment this morning. Just my 6-month check-up. Which is why it's weird that they ask all these questions like "what are you doing here?" You sent me a postcard and told me it was time to come in, people. Sheesh. But it was stressing me out so much that I had to come up with a reason. So I decided to let the doc unclog a pore on my forehead. Okay, pop a zit.
Little did I know he was being followed today by a very cute resident. Who got to come in and watch the magic happen. So humiliating. Plus I paid a $35 co-pay. To pop a zit. Sigh.

Meet Diane.

Diane Esparza, that is. I stole her during my office white elephant party on Friday. Apparently this person created bobbleheads of herself and sent them to companies in the hopes of becoming their Time Warner Cable account rep. Ballsy, Diane. Very ballsy.

I decided to keep her on my desk and blame things on her - "Oh, Diane Esparza was in charge of that." "Let me connect you to Diane Esparza." "She nodded her head yes, so she's on board." Etc.

She was such a hit at the party that we decided to call the number she listed to compliment her marketing savvy. And...she no longer works there. Perhaps business cards are a better way to go...

But thank you, Diane, wherever you are, for livening up an office holiday party. Stop nodding your head at me.

Don we now our gayest apparel

Fugly Christmas Sweater Party. TONIGHT. Who knew there are websites devoted to this. Mine arrived complete with shoulder pads sewn in. Which should give you a pretty good idea of how old it is. (And yes, it's quite fugly, thankyouverymuch.)

I told my friends that whoever doesn't show up in a sweater/sweater vest/holiday turtleneck will have to pose in a Santa hat and tie that plays "Jingle Bells." Because if I look ridiculous, I'm taking everyone down with me. That's the true spirit of the holidays, no?

Frosty, indeed

Top 10 Reasons Why Dating a Snowman Would Suck (besides the obvious):

10. His cold, icy stare. (This also applies to his embrace and his feet under the covers)

9. He doesn't HAVE feet. Scratch #1. But this is still problematic.

8. That damn corncob pipe. Nasty habit.

7. Tendency to hang out in the buff. A scarf doesn't cut it, bub.

6. When I'm hungry, his carrot nose gets nibbled on. And not in a sexy way.

5. Takes a lot of work to make - er, meet - his friends.

4. No fireside chats.

3. Or s'mores.

2. Or candlelit dinners.

Because, the #1 reason dating a snowman would suck...

1. HE MELTS, people.

Whiffen-whos?

I don't watch "The Sing-off" (which may come as a surprise to those of you who know how much TV I actually DO watch), but a friend texted me Tuesday night that the Whiffenpoofs were on. I so heart them. They're the a cappella group from Yale who are apparently the oldest collegiate a cappella group (thank you, Google), and they are also mighty adorable.

They performed for us at a Hockaday assembly once in high school, and let's just say 14 good-looking college dudes in a room of hundreds of girls went over VERY well. They could have just sat up on stage and done absolutely nothing, and we still probably would have given them a standing ovation. All-girls schools are tough, what can I say.

They were also on an episode of "West Wing" back in the day and sang the most amazeballs rendition of O Holy Night. Of course, every time it's a different bunch of dudes - like Menudo, if you will. But they're always super cute and uber talented.

Plus you can use it in a sentence: "Whiffenpoof THIS." (That's what she said. Whatever.)

Good Samaritan! (no, not me.)

Sometimes it is pretty awesome being a girl. Like today. When I stopped by FedEx to mail boxes of gifts to my dad and brother. I tried balancing the boxes while closing the trunk of my car, but sure enough, the big one fell. (Um, hoping nothing broke...heh) This dude came running out of the store to help me, and he carried the big box all the way to the register for me. Totally embarrassing that he had witnessed the whole scene, but still. So nice. Yay for chivalry.

Holey crap. Indeed.

How much would you pay for this distressed t-shirt? It's military-ish, which is totally in right now. But it DOES have holes in it. Well, folks, this is not just any cotton t-shirt. It has magical powers. I mean, it must. Because it costs $1,385. Yes, it's Balmain. And yes, it's on sale for $350. (Which, compared to the original cost, is QUITE a sale.) But it is still a holey t-shirt. I'll stick to the 3-pack of Hanes v-necks from Target for like $9.99, thanks.

Photos a go-go

Sarah Fun Fact #718: Since buying a digital camera like 5 years ago, I have not printed out ONE photo. Looking around my apartment the other day, I realized that it might be time to replace some of the high school/college photos that are currently residing in the picture frames. Especially considering my hair is a different color. And I'm not exactly 19 anymore. (Or 25, for that matter)

So I downloaded some pics from the last few years onto a CD and I'm making it my mission over the holidays (aka New Years Resolution) to get these bad boys printed out and actually put up somewhere. Of course, my resolution LAST year was to learn how to cook, and that didn't go so well. But a girl can dream.

Sorry dude

I have trouble shopping for Christmas presents without buying myself the occasional something. I admit it, it's a problem. Regardless, I was at Target and bought t-shirts for my half- and step-brothers, and treated myself to a new DVD player b/c mine froze and doesn't work anymore.

Long story short(er): without any gift boxes at home, I was forced to wrap one of the shirts in the DVD player box. Which is so mean - he will unwrap it Christmas morning and think his awesome older sister bought him a DVD player for college. Um, no. So I felt obliged to write on the box, "Sorry. This is NOT a DVD player." Talk about ruining it. Oh, well. Here's hoping the Rangers Claw and Antlers tee I actually DID buy him will make up for it...

Damn you, Zuckerberg

Got the "new profile" on facebook this morning. I don't like it. There, I said it. It immediately pulled my grad school up into the header, and no offense Emerson, but I am much prouder of having attended UNC. Seeing no other way around it, I had to delete grad school from Facebook entirely. And now I feel dumber. And saddled with tens of thousands of dollars of student loans for nothing. Sigh.

I'll repeat: DAMN YOU, ZUCKERBERG.

Who are the ad wizards who came up with this one?

(Shout-out to an old SNL sketch with Seinfeld as the host that portrayed a game show called like "Stand Up and Win" with a bunch of stand-up wannabes. Adam Sandler's token answer was "who are the ad wizards who came up with this one?" Sorry. Tangent over.)

Got sucked into buying a new flavor of Extra gum, Mint Chocolate Chip. The box actually says, "Have your dessert and CHEW it, too!" Oh lord. Now for the review: it's not bad. It's NOT the same as having mint chocolate chip ice cream. But it's not bad. It's weird, though. Seriously - who ARE the ad wizards who came up with this.

When did this become a thing?

People.com keeps referring to tight dresses as "bodycon." Which I guess is short for "body conscious." But makes me think of Comic Con or some other weird convention where people dress up in anime costumes. Think I'll stick to "tight." (Plus, how many letters are you really saving by not typing out "conscious." Lazy, much?)

Holy Tar Heel Basketball, Batman

Man did I pick a good game to go to, or what?! Best $500 I ever spent. Seriously. Got to see old friends, bonded with a 6-year-old who might start asking her mom for mascara and a hair straightener for Christmas (sorry SB), saw about 2 inches of snowfall (a majority of that actually fell ON us), and watched my sweet Heels win one for the Gipper. Also scored a rally towel, but that's neither here nor there. Almost bought the last UNC Snuggie at the Franklin Street CVS, but I managed to tear myself away. Does a person really need three Snuggies? (Don't answer that.)

Plus watched "Elf" (again) on the plane ride home. Doesn't get much better than that. :)

Ouch

Elliptical repair guy came this morning. I joked how the elliptical takes up most of the living room (which really isn't a joke; it's true), and he said "oh, that's okay. You're a college student, right?" I was like, "um, NO." And he was shocked and asked, "What? Really?" At first I thought I should be flattered, that he thought I totally looked college age. But then he followed up with, "So you're living here why? To save money?" Um, sure pal. Dang.

*Note: perhaps my UNC football rug needs to go. It DOES look rather "college-y" in here...

About to snap

Wearing a puffy vest similar to the above today at work. I swear to god five people have walked by and asked, "Are you cold?" NO I'M NOT COLD. It's fashionable. (In fact, I'm sweating my a** off, but I can't take the damn vest off b/c the shirt underneath is a tad short and no one needs to see my stomach at the office.) Crikey. Never wearing this bad boy again. Unless it's like -5 out and I can say, "Actually YES. I'm freezing." Sheesh.

Chapel Thrill...

Going back to Cali tomorrow. Um, I mean NC.

Staying with my college roommate, pictured above (shout-out, SB!), nosebleed tix to the UNC-KY game (please win, for the love of god), buying up more Carolina crap (although I can't imagine needing to own more t-shirts than I already do), dinner with sorority sisters (delta love)...all in all, good times ahead.

Kind of annoyed by

...cars dressed as reindeer. It's just weird.

I find it amusing

...that ever since Jessica Simpson received her ruby and diamond engagement ring (which, even though I share the ruby as my birthstone, I find quite fugly), her nails have consistently been painted a matching ruby red. What is a girl to do when she wants to wear, say, pink? Oh the mismatched humanity.

Meteorology. What a joke.

The other night on the news, the weather guy was talking about a "potential weather pattern" that could hit the Dallas area next week. Apparently on the European radar charts (?), this bad boy could create a huge winter storm that would result in "record-breaking snowfall" for the metroplex. However, on another chart, it would breeze right by and just get a little "colder." Um, really? Ice age versus simply throwing on a scarf? Good to know, people. Good to know. Where's Troy Dungan when you really need him.

A thrilling hairpiece update

Not really, but I had to come up with some sort of title. My goal is to figure out how to get the damned hairpiece in for New Year's Eve. So this morning I had an extra couple of minutes and attempted. It stayed in for about 10 minutes until I got in the car, and then it started sliding around and I had to take it out. Awesome. So now there's a big blonde poof on the front seat of my car. Bet people walking by are like, "WTF happened in there." Sigh.

Another exciting chapter in my "Life as a Single Gal" book

Had a date on Friday afternoon that I thought went pretty well. He kept touching my arm, opened doors for me, complimented my perfume (thank you, Michael Kors), came and picked me up/walked me to my door, etc. But have I heard from him? Nope. Pardon me - he seems like a polite fellow - no SIR, I have not.



Sheesh. I mean, it's one thing to get blown off when I know the date isn't going well. But when I think it's a good date...another blow to the ol' ego.

Whatever. Here's to 2011.

Son of a NUTcracker

Had my first "Elf" viewing of the season over the weekend. Man I love that movie. I think this weekend will be time for "Christmas Vacation." Mind you, I will watch it like 50 more times in December, but it's time to get it started. It is my favorite movie of all time, and I could watch it in the middle of summer. Doesn't matter. Still funny.

Favorite line: "The older boy, bless his soul, is preparing for his career."

"College?"

"Carnival."

Classic.

What I do for my friends

Helped out a guy yesterday who needed to submit a spec commercial for a contest. NOTE: I look ridiculous. But I will share with you because it's Monday and maybe you need a good laugh.

http://vimeo.com/17284350

Thank you, Facebook Places

It's finally arrived for Blackberry users like myself. (My fingers are too fat to master an iPhone.)
And I really can't get enough of "checking in" places. It makes me feel extra-sociable. Which I'm really not. In fact, I might just start typing crap in and pretending like I'm out and about. Create a fake persona, a la Sasha Fierce for Beyonce (?!), who lives out the life I wish I was living. Sarah's at Barcadia! And now she's eating dinner at Hibiscus! And checking in for a Mavs game at the AAC! She can't be stopped! She's...SuperSocial!

Okay, got a little carried away there. But seriously. Stalking opportunities aside, this Facebook Places business is fun. And it will motivate me to go out, simply to check in. I'm not ready to lie to my 750 dear FB friends quite yet. But I'm sure that will come in time. :)

My biological clock has stopped

...taking care of three dogs, a cat and my mother for a week will do that to a person.

Over Thanksgiving, I dog-sat for two sweet labs, Hank (who we re-named "Moose" b/c he is just gigantic) and Lucy (who we re-named "Black Shadow" b/c that thing is as dark as the night - which I can attest to after tripping over her on the way to the bathroom), and my brother brought his crazy little white fluffy dog, Butters (aka "Squirrel," to go with "Moose"), to complete the menagerie. (The cat, Chico, was barely seen after the arrival of doggie #3 - at least until it was time to cook the turkey. Then we couldn't shake her.)

Some lessons I learned:

1. Dogs like bread. LOAVES of bread.
2. Dogs also like swimming pools. Even when it's 35 degrees outside. (Butters jumped in accidentally when she was being chased by the bigger dogs and simply ran out of room. Turns out, she's an excellent doggie-paddler.)
3. I no longer gag when opening wet cat food. (Yay!)
4. I can clean up litter boxes like a pro. Also, without gagging. (Double yay!)
5. Doggie vomit, however, makes me gag.

Good times all around. Someone get me a fish for Christmas. Because that's about all I can handle. :)

Gracias. (That's "Thank You" for my English-speaking friends)

What I'm thankful for this year:

• Lindsay Lohan is off the streets
• Modern Family
• The over-abundance of frozen yogurt establishments in Dallas
• I finally own jeans that can be squeezed into boots (it was a long time coming, believe me)
• My new fake hairpiece, even though I can't figure out how to put it in
• "That's what she said" never gets old (and works on the above bullet point)
• I have a job, unlike last year at this time
• The 30+ faithful readers of this ludicrous blog
  

My mom's latest crush - and a little history lesson

Last night while flipping through the latest InStyle magazine, my mom (who is in town for Thanksgiving) was making random comments: "This dress is trashy." "Ooh - Justin Timberlake is CUTE." I was watching Oprah give away more of her favorite things, and wasn't really paying attention. Until I heard my mom say, "Thomas Jefferson is HOT." Aaaaand pausing Tivo.

Assuming she got mixed up by a celeb's name - Thomas Jane? Jeff Goldblum? etc. - I asked her to repeat it. "Thomas Jefferson is HOT." She passed the magazine over to me, and the above was the image she was referring to. Sadly, NOT Thomas Jefferson after all, but Alexander Hamilton. Although it really doesn't matter - she is still crushing on someone who, as I mentioned, is "like 5,000 years old!" (Yes, we're both very blonde.)

Truly outrageous. (Truly truly truly outrageous)

Showed my VERY unfortunate new driver's license picture to a group of co-workers last night. Let me just say every single person burst out laughing. Then today one said, "You look like JEM." Alrighty. I refuse to post the license photo on here - it is TOO humiliating. But above is Jem. Should give you a pretty good idea of what we're dealing with.

Oh, Tar Heels.

Please stop losing to random teams. I really cannot handle another season like last year. If you insist on sucking, I'm going to have to find a new hobby this winter. I'm leaning towards scrapbooking. Or maybe knitting. Girl can never have too many scarves. Sigh.

Whirlyball hurts

Played Whirlyball for 2 hours straight on Saturday for a friend's bday. For those unfamiliar with Whirlyball (have you been living under a rock?!), it's like bumper cars meets lacrosse with a little basketball thrown in. I have played once before and remember getting a little bruised and banged up. Well, this time I'm not sure if my overly-competitive nature took over or what, but I literally have about twelve huge bruises on my legs, including an awesome goose-egg situation on one shin. Oh, and a little kid flung the whiffle ball at me and it hit me square in the nose. Um, that hurts. Seriously thought my nose was going to bleed all over the place. Which would have been kind of awesome in retrospect.
Still, Whirlyball, 2. Sarah, 0.

Boy Bands a go-go

How awesome was the Backstreet Boys-New Kids on the Block mash-up on last night's AMAs? (Excuse me: NKOTBSB) I will soooo be going to this concert. If only NSYNC would jump on board...seriously. What the hell else is Joey Fatone doing right now? (You know everyone but Justin Timberlake would actually be all over something like this. No pressure, Justin...)

Coulda Shoulda Woulda

So after we left the 80s bash last night, some of our friends went to the Loon - ALWAYS a good idea - and who should be there but Cape Cod Chris (of Bachelorette fame). Seriously? If I had gone in my awesome 80s purple tutu, maybe we would have met...I would have even given him the awesome gold slap bracelet I received at the party. (Anyone remember those? Greatness.)

Ah, well. Gotta hand it to the Loon, though - that place always attracts random celebs.(Not as many as the Stoneleigh P, but I digress.) I saw Mark Cuban at the Loon once, taking shots. Nice.

UPDATE: Apparently it was Bachelor-mania there last night: Chris, Jeremy, the foot-fetish guy...sad but true people. They all hang out together.

From TV...

Wait for it...

...to reality!

How awesome is this. And no, I didn't "cook" this up. Found it online. But still - awesome. And it actually is pretty close to my culinary level of expertise. Although those pieces of toast look better than the ones I usually come up with. Still. Viva "A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving." And Miles Standish. Whoever the hell that is. I just remember it from the cartoon.

This is why I don't watch DWTS*

Bristol Palin is in the finals? No offense to anyone's political beliefs, but the girl can't dance. Neither can I, but I'm not subjecting myself to a reality show about dancing. Love that some dude shot his TV when it was announced that she made it through. Granted, he has some mental problems, but that's pretty damn funny.

*Note: I will also not be watching Skating with the Stars. So help me.

Inspiration for tonight

Although I won't really look anything like this...but HOW AWESOME is she. Totally had her record circa 1985. Nice.

Totally 80s

Going to "Hairballs and Hair Bands" tonight - an 80s party where the money goes to Paws in the City (hence "hairballs"). CanNOT wait to deck myself out, 80s-style. Neon and acid wash and fingerless gloves, oh my!

Time to crank up the Motley Crue to get psyched. Rad.

Can I get an AMEN?!

Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you, People magazine.

This ALMOST makes up for the lame-o "I thought I would be married by now" cover of Kim Kardashian last week. (Yeah, you and me both, sweetie.)

Royal mess

Y'all. All of this royal engagement business is overshadowing the BIG engagement news! No, not Nick Lachey. Not Jessica Simpson (?!). According to People.com, Leeza FREAKING Gibbons is engaged. Poor thing is just trying to make the news again, and whammo! Prince William beat her to the punch.

But seriously. How cute is Kate Middleton. We used to have this picture book from Charles and Diana's wedding, and I would flip through it as a little girl, wishing I could be her. I'm sure I will do the same this time around - they are already selling royal engagement mugs online! Let the madness begin.

I should always read the fine print

Tar Heel Fans on Facebook announced some contest today where you have to name the Duke-UNC rivalry and the winner gets "4 tickets to the Carolina-Dook game!" (and 4 new tires - SCORE.) So I immediately come up with a lame attempt ("Thrilla on the Hilla," thankyouverymuch), and submit.

Turns out it's 4 tickets to the freaking FOOTBALL game. Cue Debbie Downer music. Although 4 new tires would kind of rock.

A friendly PSA in light of Thanksgiving...

I wish I worked for someecards. HEART THEM.

When is it officially "I've Been Stood Up" o'clock?

Last Monday, a guy invited me to the Mavericks game tonight and said he would call with the details. It's almost 5pm and I have not heard from him since. Aaaaand...scene. Calling it. Time of death: 4:51 p.m. Suck it, loser. :)

The most expensive rum and diet coke known to man

...was apparently what I mistakenly ordered at the Ritz bar this weekend. My drink plus my friend's glass of wine came out to $27. The bill was thoughtfully not itemized, so if I had to guess I would say hers was $15 and mine was $12?! (Actually, if I had to guess, I would guess that I got screwed and charged for a few other beverages.)

I know it's the damn Ritz, but for the love of Pete - it's rum. And Diet Coke. Next time I'm going classypants and bringing it in my purse.

"Egging" it on

Last year, I got sucked into the "jeggings" trend (jeans leggings). And now I can say I am the proud (?) owner of "pleatheggings" (faux leather - or pleather - leggings) and "sequeggings" (sequin leggings). Probably more fun to say than to wear. Let's see if I actually ever put them on. But all this "egg" talk has made me kind of hungry.

B.O. - boyfriend odor

Kate Walsh (of Private Practice/Grey's Anatomy fame) is apparently releasing a line of fragrances at the end of the month called Boyfriend. It's kind of genius, really - you can douse yourself in the scent of a boyfriend without having to actually have one. And think of the mind-games you can play with people:

"My Boyfriend is all over me."
"This Boyfriend reeks!"
"I can't get the Boyfriend stank off me."
"My Boyfriend smells awesome."

And the best one...
"Why do you smell like my boyfriend?!"

Good times, people.

Don't freak out

...but there will not be a blog post tomorrow. Instead, I get to sit in an all-day (literally, 7:30am-5pm) marketing conference! And I have to pay attention enough to write a story on it. Would much rather write blog posts, I assure you. Thank god for Facebook on my phone.

Oh, Gwynnie

It really bugs me that Gwyneth Paltrow is now proclaiming herself to be some sort of country artist. I'm sure she's great in the movie (Country Strong, duh), and has a decent voice, but come on. Methinks someone has felt a little irrelevant lately, and decided "Hey. GOOP didn't go over so well, so maybe I'll give a singing career a try!" And if you're married to the lead singer of Coldplay, you obviously know "people" in the industry. Bada-bing, cut a demo. Well good for you GP. And I'm not jealous. Really.

Sunny days...

Today, in honor of Sesame Street's 41st (!) season, you're supposed to change your Facebook profile pic to your favorite SS character. I was torn between Cookie Monster and Super Grover, which I ended up going with. But as I was telling a friend, thank goodness it wasn't Muppet Day. I would never have been able to choose just one. When I was little, I truly wanted to be the voice of a Muppet when I grew up. How freaking sweet would that be.

Some fleeting, fond, furry memories...

Beaker and Dr. Bunsen Honeydew

The Swedish Chef

Camilla the chicken, who Gonzo was besotted with

New Zealand and his flying fish act

Kermit and Miss Piggy - the love story of our time

Janice, the weird Valley-girl type

The old guys - Statler and Waldorf, maybe? - who heckled

Very excited that Jason Segal is making another Muppet movie. Keep 'em coming.

Baby Genius

Hung out with my friend Kelly, her husband Drew, and their adorbs baby girl last night. I swear to god, that 10-month-old is smarter than I am. She can do the following:

Snap (ish)
Clap
Semi-whistle
Dance
Play the drums
Hug
Wave
Wag her tongue like the dog
Raise up her hands (i.e. raise the roof)
Blink on command
Peek-a-boo
Pattycake, complete with the "roll it" motions
Take out her hair bow

I'm sorry - I can't even do all of these things. WTF. Wonder if I could hit a Gymboree class without a baby. Just to re-learn the basics.

Bloggers are a different breed...

Have you ever clicked on the "Next Blog" link on this page? It is truly fascinating (and a helluva way to waste time at the office). In the past five minutes, I came across a bunch of blogs written in Chinese or Japanese and a bunch of Christian-related blogs. (And of course a smattering of cute "this is our family!" blogs that restored my sense of normalcy.)

My personal "favorite" was one titled "Encouraging Ladies in the Variety of Aspects of Homemaking and Fulfilling Their God-Given Calling." Alrighty then. I will counter that with my random daily musings. That's MY God-given calling. Ha.

Hair did

Have a hair appt on Saturday. Cut and color (shhh of COURSE I'm a natural blonde). Which should only take about three, three and a half hours out of my day. Don't get me wrong - LOVE my hair stylist, but sometimes I'm jealous of guys. Run into Supercuts, and 10 minutes later, dunzo. (I guess in the days of boy-band highlighted "tips," it might have taken a bit longer, but still. Not three hours.)

And the worst/best part is, no one ever notices. Which is good, because it's supposed to look natural. But it's also bad, because COME ON PEOPLE. THREE HOURS. Which I can never get back. At least I get to catch up on Life & Style magazine.

Overheard at the gym

Granted, I work out at the Y. So it's an older, not-so-hip crowd. But this morning I heard this carpool mom-type telling her workout buddy that she wanted to get the new "G6" phone. I stifled a giggle, as I'm pretty sure she was confusing the 4G with the "Like a G6" song that her tweens are probably jamming to on the radio. Not that I really understand that song, either - what the HELL is "sizzurp" - but I know some stuff.

The Photo Booth: Best. Invention. Ever.

Went to a charity event last night. Mayor Leppert was there. Tre Wilcox, of Top Chef fame, was doing an Iron Chef-esque cookoff. But where did I spend the entire evening? In the photo booth.

OMG I want one for my house. You could pick color or black and white - so of course we had to choose both. And it didn't hurt that they brought props. Those who know me well know how I feel about props. We're talking cheesy sunglasses, feather boas, hats, masquerade masks...oh the humanity. I was in heaven. We just kept whipping out cheesy poses, grabbing the proofs, and getting back in line. I think we took like 40 photos. And I could have kept going.

Proof that Oprah really IS the most powerful woman in the world

Yeah yeah, she gives a ton of money to charity. Has opened a girls' school in Africa. Gives her audience cars and trips to Australia. But I think the most concrete proof that Oprah is the most powerful woman around was evident in yesterday's show. It was the Teen Heartthrob episode, and Her Almighty did the impossible - brought the Backstreet Boys back together! Kevin had left the group a few years ago, and one call from the big O and he's back with his boys once again.

Next, she needs to place a call to Timberlake to kick off my dream of an NSYNC reunion tour. I'll wait...

The winner of the most unfortunate name award is...

Dick Butkus. Not sure why I thought of him today, but I did. And not sure why I haven't really dissected his name before, but WOW. That is just a major bummer.



But I knew there had to be others. Thank god for Google.



I give you: other athletes with horrific names...



Craphonso Thorpe.

Jack Glasscock.

Johnny Dickshot.

Harry Colon.

And, my personal favorite, from the Korean World Classic baseball team (hey - it still counts): Bum Ho Lee. Put the middle and last names together...greatness.

My awesome business idea.

NOTE: I do not advocate carrying a handgun, and will never own one myself, but I would be much more likely to do so if they were more girlie and I could match them to my outfits.

I'm serious.

So here's what I propose: make interchangeable gun handles that can be snapped on and off to go with different clothes. You could have a denim one, a leather one, a pink rhinestone-covered one...the options are endless. Remember those Kaepa shoes in the 80s? You could snap the colored triangles in and out? That's kind of what I'm talking about - but in a deadly weapon format.

All I need is a prototype, and I swear at least in Texas girls would scoop them up. Coming up with a name is the hard part. "Girlie Guns" sounds dumb. "Pistol Poppers" sounds like some sort of ice cream treat. I'll keep thinking about it. Nobody steal my idea.

Come on, girls

Really? A SECOND girl on 16 and Pregnant is from the Dallas area? (First Mansfield, now Lewisville) Ladies. Or should I say girls. Get it together. It's called a condom. Look it up.

This is just sad. For me, at least.

My mom told me last week that she had to send out a MASS TEXT to her many suitors, explaining to them why she had been M.I.A. and out of touch. I'm sorry, what?!?! I am in awe/impressed that she has so many dudes interested in her that it would necessitate a mass text, and at the same time a little discouraged/depressed/dejected/insert synonyms here that I only have like two guys' numbers in my phone. And one is my brother.

Dang.

Found out this morning that my old company is eliminating all 47 PR Director positions across the country as of February 1. So I would have been laid off anyway (um, had I not been fired). Weird how stuff happens. Totally sucks for my friends and former colleagues, but I'm certain they will land on their feet, like I did. (I took a few tumbles and of course got multiple bruises, but found my footing eventually.)

And btw - Panera offers free wi-fi, job seekers. I speak from experience.

Oh, Bret.

I have a long-running, not-so-secret crush on Bret Michaels. Whatever, haters. He's cute. And I know his hair is fake. I wear fake hair sometimes too. But I'm sorry - "Every Rose Has its Thorn" is a great song. And Rock of Love, while trashy, made for some great TV. (He is also a great Halloween costume. I speak from experience.)

However.

He allegedly had an affair with Miley Cyrus' mom, causing Billy Ray to file for divorce?! Although gotta give the woman credit. I'd go with Bret over Achy Breaky any day of the week. Maybe he could blame the meds after his health scare(s), although I don't think the timing is quite right. Thing is, he'll be fine. Because he's a rock star. Double standard mania. And I like it.

Good try, dude

I am putting together an electronic "Year in Review" newsletter for the School of Arts & Humanities, and asked any faculty to send me pictures of babies in their family that were born this year. One guy sent a photo of his adorable baby granddaughter in a little red and black Halloween costume. He said, "I can't remember what she was...a watermelon?" I wrote back, "that, or a ladybug!" And he was like "Doh. She was a ladybug." Ah, gramps. Hilarious.

Why was I so anxious about this??

FINALLY got my driver's license in the mail yesterday. And the picture SUCKS. Why have I been so eager to get this, again? Oof.

You know what's awesome?

When nail polish peels off in one complete layer. I mean it looks horrible, but it's oddly satisfying. One down, nine to go.

Reality TV has hit a new low. For real.

Saw a preview on TV this morning for a new show coming to vh1 called "Bridalplasty." The name pretty much says it all - a bunch of brides will compete in stupid challenges, and the winner gets "cut." Aka plastic surgery. REALLY? This is what the producers come up with? And this coming from someone who is a BIG fan of shows like "Rock of Love" and "Jersey Shore." But I think it's safe to say this is one I will not be watching. Need more room on my Tivo for "Celebrity Rehab," anyway. :)

Embarrassing confession time.

In all my time at UNC, I never went to a basketball game in the Dean Dome. I went to the Blue-White game my freshman year, but that's IT. I could blame it on the fact that I had no desire to camp out overnight and had a better "view" from the bar TV, but it's really a pretty shallow excuse. Now, I've been to two Final Four games in San Antonio (and both times we lost - not saying there's a connection, but it was a little traumatizing), but more than ten years after graduation and this is getting ridiculous.

So today I sucked it up and bought two nosebleed tix for the 12/4 game against Kentucky. Helluvan opponent, and god-willing we will play better than we did last year. But it really won't matter - the point is, I will BE there. Waaaaay up at the top of the arena. Look for me on TV - I'll be wearing blue.

Bah humbug?

I love Christmas as much as the next guy, but stuff is out so early they might as well keep it up year-round. I mean, there were decorations for sale at Sam's in September. And over the weekend I saw a bunch of workers putting Christmas lights up on a Highland Park home. God forbid it be November 1 and your decorations aren't up yet...

Saw a Christmas commercial this morning on TV. And I'm sure 103.7 Lite FM (aka KVIL) will start playing all-holiday-music, all-the-time any day now. Can we at least wait until after Thanksgiving?

No? Alright. I have been wanting to watch Elf lately...if you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

Maybe I should start a Halloween costume idea blog.

Because they just. keep. coming.

The latest: carry around a giant bunch of red balloons and be "99 Red Balloons." (or "Luftballoon," for our German friends.)

Seriously folks. I need more to do at work.

Oh, Facebook

I am now friends with my entire preschool/kindergarten carpool, thanks to Facebook. We're talking 1980. And we all still remember entirely too much about each other. Time for a reunion. Your mini-van/Wagoneer or mine?

Dressing slutty and getting a sugar high? Thank you, Halloween!

Actually, NOT dressing slutty this year - do that enough on a regular basis. But yes please, sugar high. Candy at 8am at work? Sounds like a good start to the day. And it's just going to get worse. By Monday morning I might need an emergency dental appointment. But totally worth it.

Also looking forward to counting how many Snookies and Situations I run into tomorrow night. Plus Antoine Dodson (the "hide yo' kids" guy). As a kid, I never dressed as the "it" thing. I remember in third grade, the cool girl in school was Boy George. And I was in a biker gang along with the rest of my family. Yep.

Then in high school, we were only allowed to dress up senior year. And did I look cute and sassy? No sir. (Of course, it was all girls, so who really cared anyway) Went with an all green unitard and flippers...Kermit the Frog. Flippers are ridiculously hard to walk in, btw. We even cut a ping pong ball in half and sewed it to a green knit cap for the eyes. Good times.

Chapel Hill really did Halloween right. Franklin Street was totally blocked off and it was just sheer mayhem. But senior year I had to work (Chili's. Nice.) and remember getting pulled over for speeding on the way home. Dressed in a ballerina costume. I knew the cop thought I had been drinking and was PRAYING I wouldn't have to get out and walk the line in my tutu. Luckily he saw my Chili's apron on the front seat and was apparently a fan of the Awesome Blossom because he let me go. Phew.

Viva Halloween 2010. One of these years I'll get too old for this shiz, but this year isn't it. :)

What I'm being for Halloween NEXT year

Sheer awesomeness.

I am also ghetto-fabulous, apparently.

Just realized that I have gaping holes in BOTH sleeves of the sweater-dress I am wearing. Which I am ALSO wearing to a happy hour immediately after work. Nice. No wonder this bad boy was on sale. Argh.

16 and Pregnant is so depressing

Don't get me wrong - Teen Mom is entertaining as hell. (And also slightly depressing - hel-lo, Amber and Gary)

But the latest version of 16 and Pregnant? Sheesh. The girl from Mansfield who races cars, owns goats, and plans on living in a barn with her new hubby? Nice. Really making Texas look good, sweetie. And why is she getting the IUD after the baby was born? Shouldn't this have been a discussion a year ago?

Sigh...(and yet of course I will keep watching.)

I am the most high-maintenance low-maintenance girl around.

After having so much fun getting fake hair and false eyelashes at the wedding in Iowa, I decided to try my luck on my own. Bought the fake hairpiece and lashes and went to town. But had to pull over. Couldn't master either one. Shouldn't come as a big surprise, considering I don't know how to use a curling iron either. (Or really a regular iron, for that matter)

For being such a girly-girl, I sure am dude-like when it comes to beauty and hair products. Although I do love me some glitter eyeshadow. So maybe I'm more like a tranny.

Elementary school put-downs were dumb

I heard "that's my name, don't wear it out!" on the radio this morning and almost had to pull over I was giggling so hard. What does that even MEAN. Similarly...

"Face!" was a retort I remember from like 3rd grade. And of course "Doy," which I am still trying to bring back (with very little success, I might add). And the ever-annoying "I know you are but what am I?" (Thanks, PeeWee, for really bringing this one to the forefront.)

Drawing a blank but I'm sure there are many, many more...

Ren? Is that you??

So I knew they were remaking Footloose. (Why god why) But for some reason I thought that meant they would be placing it in a modern-day setting - like a Footloose for today's generation. But judging by the photo above, it looks like they are LITERALLY remaking Footloose. (Again, why god why) This could be super-lame. And if they're going to be so literal, they better include my two favorite lines:

"My daddy HATES me wearing these boots!"
and
"You ever get busted for boppin'?"

Might have to pop that bad boy in over the weekend. In all its VHS glory.

In case anyone's counting

I first went in to renew my driver's license on July 7. Still haven't received it. I've been back a record three times to get new temporary ones, but this act is getting old. I almost HOPE I get pulled over. Maybe if the cops get involved something would get done? (Like me going to jail. Haha.)

Redonkulous with a capital "R."

Wow I feel old(er).

Back to the Future is celebrating it's 25th anniversary? Great Scott! (heh.)

Still love that movie to this day, although parts II and III totally sucked. Long live Marty McFly. My favorite part is still when she keeps calling him Calvin Klein, because "that's what it says on your underwear." Classic.

She's baaaaaack

Why won't the matchmaker leave me alone? Got another "potential match" email last night. I am kind of enjoying being on dating hiatus, but I also know beggars can't be choosers. Still, not super psyched to go out with this guy. I guess I'll wait and see how I feel before accepting or rejecting the proposed date. It's just drinks, after all. Then again, ugh.

Also debating going to a Speed Dating event with some friends. If nothing else, think of the blog fodder.

Just because

Rawr.

Sport-tastic

Friday night, watched the Rangers make it to the World Series (!). Saturday morning, hit the SMU tailgate. With no intention of going to the actual game, but redonkulous weather made that impossible anyway. Nothing that a few mimosas and bloody mary's can't fix. Saturday night, watched the UNC football game until it got too painful. Sunday, took a sports breather and caught up on all things Real Housewives. And baked a damn cake. Am I a catch, or WHAT. Ha.

My Tivo is smart.

It has taken to recording old eps of Family Ties and Growing Pains without my telling it. And we're talking the EARLY eps. Like 1982 (Family Ties). If only it would stop recording Hannah Montana, I might marry my little Tivo.

Firsts

Purchased my first-ever Rangers t-shirt last night. And miraculously the prices weren't totally jacked up. Still, not sure if/when I will ever wear it again - but there's always the gym.

Or I could do what I've done to old Dook t-shirts that I've had made and are no longer relevant - "retire" them by hanging them on the wall. If the Rangers win it all, consider this jersey retired.

Holy doppelganger, Batman.

Um never realized how much Gerard Butler and Hugh Jackman look alike! Is it just me, or could they be TWINS? Whoa.