Next stop: Switzerland

Sitting in the airport waiting for my flight to Zurich, and the list of upcoming flights is like a who's who of places on my list of dream locations: Vienna. Geneva. Marseille. Luxembourg. Lyon. Chicago. (Gotcha. But seriously - it's on the board. One of these kids is doing their own thing...)

One final London tale - the other night I got back to my hotel to find Footloose on TV. Scooooooore. And up next? Bridget Jones. I stayed up to watch both, because I felt it was one point for the USA, one point for Britain.

Happy Labor Day weekend - hope to have fun Swiss Miss blogs next week!

My bad, England. My bad.

Even though they speak English in England, I'm having a very difficult time understanding what people are saying. Particularly at coffee shops/restaurants, when they ask me if I'd like to "stay in or take away." What now? I typically smile and nod yes, just to be polite and not be super obvious that I no comprendo, and then they of course have to ask me again, because what they're asking is if I plan on eating there or taking my order to go. And "yes" doesn't really answer that question.

I have also apparently been jogging on the wrong side of the sidewalk - similar to driving on the wrong (read: other) side of the road, they run/bike the same way over here. Sorry peeps. I'm not from around these parts. (As if my bright neon orange tennis shoes weren't a huge USA giveaway.)

(Top)shop til you drop

Last night, my Spanish co-worker Marta was talking about America, and I told her how cool everyone in the US would think she was because of her accent, plus the fact that she lived in London. I asked if people in Europe thought American accents were cool, and she said no. (Aw) I then asked her to give me her best American accent, and she could say one sentence: "Let's go to the mall." I died laughing - it's both hilarious and super sad. This is what foreigners think of Americans, that all we do is go to the mall? (What is this - 1986?) Still - fairly accurate. And funny. Come to think of it, where is the mall.

Maybe that's what the Beatles meant by "HELP!"

Went to Abbey Road yesterday to take the iconic (and possibly cheesy) photo walking across the crosswalk. What they don't tell you: traffic is heavy on Abbey Road, and the cars don't typically stop for tourists. And there are tons of tourists, doing the same thing you are. So you basically have to risk your life trying to get a picture taken. Totally worth it, in my opinion.

Wilkommen

In preparation for my trip, I've been trying to learn a few words in German. Both from my Learn German in Your Car CDs and via this cool website, Livemocha (which I bought a Groupon for). Here, a summary of what I can say in Deutsch:

Good morning/afternoon/evening
Goodbye
Please
Thank you
Beer
Wine
Numbers (1-11)
A few colors
Car
Truck
Train, train station

And a few key phrases:

I don't understand
Where is the bathroom?
How much does it cost?

We shall see how far this gets me. I'm guessing I throw out one "Danke" and speak English the rest of the time.

Auf wiedersehen!

And there really are Groupons for everything.

Got a Groupon yesterday for breast augmentation. REALLY? Not sure that plastic surgery is something I would buy discounted...

There truly is an app for everything.

Sadly, I am something of an online dating connoisseur. I have pretty much tried them all, to no avail. A co-worker told me I should get on Tinder, so I downloaded the (free!) app this week. Aside from the fact that the majority of dudes are like 18-22, it's semi-addictive. And did I mention FREE. I'm sure nothing will come of it, but I'm at least glad it's not spelled "Tender," which is what I Googled at first.

Is the 90s the new 80s? (never!!!)

I was watching Something Borrowed the other night, which isn't that good - but at one point they went to watch a 90s cover band play at a club. And the songs were fairly awesome (“How’s It Going To Be” by Third Eye Blind, "Round Here" by the Counting Crows). You don't get a lot of 90s cover bands these days, but I predict it becomes a thing. Hell - there could technically be an 00's cover band. Terrifying but true.

My kind of special delivery

Did you know the bank will MAIL you money? Like literally cash money, in a FedEx envelope? (Well, at least they will mail you foreign money - I exchanged currency before going to Europe, and it arrived in a next-day air package.) I will sign for that kind of thing anytime.

And might I add - I think the US needs to amp up our currency. It's so boring compared to other countries. See for yourselves:

UK:

 

Switzerland:

Abracadabra

It's possible I have to present slides in front of 450 people today. It's also possible I will be performing a super lame magic trick along with those slides. Should prove disastrous at best.

Vacationing (and working) on the Continent. I just like calling it that.

On Sunday, I'm going to London for work and then spending a weekend in Switzerland. I am so excited - the thought of traveling alone in a country where I've never been and don't speak the language (German; although assuming/hoping most speak English) doesn't worry me at all. In fact, the only thing I'm worried about at the moment is how I'm going to squeeze 9 days of clothes into my suitcase.

And it was almost even worse - the CEO wanted some awards to arrive in London for a meeting, so I offered to ship them. He had the nerve to suggest I just pack them in my suitcase. To which I had to tell him, "do you want me to leave my shoes at home? Because it's awards or shoes." He decided shipping them was the best option. Exactly my point.

Dog days

In about a month, I will have been a dog owner for a year. Amazingly, we are both still alive (and one of us has almost doubled in size). During this time, Charlie has developed some amusing (and some not so amusing) traits:

·         She likes to sleep under the sheets with her head on my stomach. At first I was afraid she would suffocate, but whatevs.

·         When I brush my teeth, she thinks it’s time to go somewhere. (I guess that’s good? That I brush my teeth before going out?)

·         When I put on eye makeup at night, she starts to whine because she knows I’m about to leave. (My normal night routine is putting on my pajamas immediately, so anything other than that throws her off.)

·         She loooooves coming with me to take the trash bag to the trash chute.  Seriously loves it. I guess because she gets to sprint down the hallway and then back again. Weirdo.

·         She enjoys a good game of tug-of-war, and when I let her win, she drops the item back into my hand so we can go again. And again. And again…

·         And finally, I pick out her eye boogers on a daily basis. If that’s not love, I don’t know what is.

Come up with a better story, dude

This guy at work told me he auditioned to be a member of the Dallas Cowboys flag team last weekend - you know, the guys who wear jeans, boots and cowboy hats and run around the field carrying a giant flag? Well, he made the squad (squad?) and was super excited. I asked how many people made it, and he said 33. I asked how many people tried out, thinking like hundreds, and he said 33. Aw.

Baby steps to 4:00

I read yesterday that Jimmy Fallon and his wife named their adorable baby girl Winnie after Lake Winnipesaukee (thank you for sticking with "Winnie"). Every time I hear the name of that lake, I think of this:

And now I want to watch What About Bob again.

Kids today.

It's a good thing I don't watch the Teen Choice Awards anymore. Looking through these red carpet photos, I only know who about a third of these people are. Seriously.
(Sidebar: I would really like to win one of those surfboards, though.)

So very rock n roll

Two of the five (!) books I've read during the Summer of the Broken Elliptical have been about the start of MTV. Not sure why I'm so obsessed, but I am. My favorite factoid: remember the "I want my MTV!" ads starring rock stars? Mick Jagger was the very first one to record the spot, and was paid a dollar. One dollar. I love it.

He'd probably record an "MTV sucks - you can have it back!" commercial now for about the same cost.

Why couldn't it be HBO

I've been hearing commercials on TV and the radio about how CBS is at war with Time Warner Cable, and how you won't be able to watch CBS anymore. Didn't really pay it much attention - I've heard these kinds of things before and nothing noticeable ever happened. And then I tried to watch CBS. Which is now Starz Kids. I mean, kinda cool since I don't get any premium cable channels - fun movies like Annie and Driving Miss Daisy and Stepmom, plus tragedies like Care Bears specials. But if I don't get CBS back by the next NCAA tournament, I might have to write a strongly-worded letter. Because that should resolve things.

Partying like it's 1999

I realized yesterday that the skirt I was wearing was purchased back in 1999. Does that make it "vintage," or simply "something that should have been thrown away years ago?" The fact that it's a robin's egg blue lace skirt makes me think it might fall into a third category: "potential Halloween costume."

Sling-a-ding

Okay, I think someone needs to have an intervention. And I'm not talking about Amanda Bynes (but of course, she does). I'm talking about Mariah Carey and these ridiculous slings she has been wearing while she recovers from a shoulder injury:

I mean, seriously? Fur? Feathers? Studded leather? I have so many questions. WHY, first of all. And also, WHERE. Where does a person even go to find custom-made slings. And finally, HOW FREAKING MUCH DID THESE COST.

Okay, thanks for letting me vent. I feel better. (At least until I see the next photo of her out and about.)

Bachelorette recap - aka I Did Not See That Coming

Wow - although I'm happy with the ending, I was very surprised. I admit I read the spoilers long ago, so kept expecting Brooks to pop out of a limo, a helicopter, a bush - but as the minutes ticked by, I realized it wasn't going to happen (yay). To recap the three hours I won't get back:

After Brooks leaves, Des is distraught, wants to go home. But she decides to pull herself together, pull on another tummy-bearing top, disregard her sunburn and suck it up to try to form some sort of last-minute relationship with one of two guys who both plan on proposing in the next 48 hours. (Sounds plausible, I know.)

But seeing her face drop when Drew shows up for his horseback riding date, you knew the end was near. And it was - she told him it was time to go. Poor sweet (gay) Drew was blindsided and heartbroken, and rode off into the sunset (alone).

I'm expecting her to do the same thing with Chris, who awkwardly says "Welcome!" when they meet up (oof), but Des gives it the ol' college try, and while drinking what appears to be fruit punch on a catamaran, she decides Chris isn't so bad after all. She tells him he's the best man she's ever met and it's time to meet the parents! And her freakishly sunburned brother! (Could an intern get these kids some sunscreen?!)

Thank goodness her brother is semi-normal this time (although he DOES ask a ton of probing questions), and Chris asks Des's father for her hand. Aw. He meets Neil Lane, picks out a ring, and I'm still expecting the worst. It doesn't help that we keep cutting back to a live audience and/or seeing the entire fall lineup for ABC programming. (How bad does that show with Rebel Wilson look?)

But it's finally proposal time, and poor Chris starts to get down on one knee but Des stops him. Oh no oh no oh no. She tells him she was in love with Brooks (awesome timing, lady), and she was blindsided by her feelings. Chris sees where this is going. But wait! She was blindsided...and didn't realize what was right in front of her! She loves Chris too! See how quickly women can change their minds? Jesus. If I were Chris, I would have been like "um, yeah right, see ya" but clearly the ring is burning a hole in his pocket because he kneels down, proposes and she says yes. Sure. And only two days ago, she was in love with someone else. I give this relationship two weeks.

Time for the After the Rose special - and after awkward encounters with Brooks and Drew, Des and Chris announce that somehow they are still engaged, and moving in together this weekend! Oh lord. And Chris, being Chris, gives her a giant framed poem. It's almost too much to take. Thank god they announce the next bachelor....JUAN FREAKING PABLO. Seriously folks - who will volunteer to film my audition tape. I'm not even joking. Sign me the hell up.

Nailed it.

On a whim, I decided to buy and apply fake French manicure nails on Saturday. I haven't worn fake nails in YEARS, and I'm starting to remember why:

*Can't use the remote
*Difficult to use the phone and iPad
*Tough opening a Diet DP


But on the positive side, Charlie likes me to scratch behind her ears with these things. Plus, and this probably goes back to the days of Lee Press-on Nails, I sound like a super cool secretary when I type on the keyboard. (Even though the amount of typos I'm typing with them is ludicrous.)

It's official.

My dog has a more active social life than I do.

I'll always have spelling.

We had an office spelling bee yesterday, and I won. Everyone thought I rigged it since I organized the event, but come on - I didn't go home and study 5000 words. I probably shouldn't have participated, since I'm in Communications and it's kind of my job to spell correctly, but sometimes a girl just needs a little ego boost. Sad that I get my jollies from spelling (and that I enjoy using the phrase "get my jollies," but there it is.) I was the spelling bee champ two years in a row a few jobs ago, as well - maybe I could look into spelling for a living. Or basically be Vanna White.