Top 10 Top 10s

In honor of David Letterman announcing his impending retirement, I unearthed these 10 Top 10 lists. Some are a little dated - hey, the man has been on the air for a long time. Enjoy.

Top 10 Dog Excuses for Losing the Dog Show
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10. Mistaken in assumption there would be a chance to show off talent for
    drinking from toilet.
9. Thought I saw that little chuckwagon.
8. Bad idea going to Don King's barber.
7. Caught in a lie claiming to be Cycle Two dog when I'm really Cycle Three.
6. Shouldn't have picked Quayle as running mate.
5. My life-long losing battle with problem drool.
4. Spelled "ubiquitous" with two B's.
3. Didn't know that was the judge's leg.
2. Money goes to trainer anyway.  So let him stand naked in Madison Square
    Garden and get touched by a stranger in a bad suit.
1. Like me, the whole thing was fixed.

Top Ten Least Popular Broadway Shows
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10. Oprah-homa!
9. Sunday in the Park with George Steinbrenner
8. Twelve Angry Men and a Baby
7. Sharptonmania
6. Roy Rogers' Incontinent Dog and Monkey Rodeo
5. I'm Not Gonna Pay a Lot for This Muffler: A Dramatic Reading by
    James Earl Jones
4. David Brinkley's Enchanted World of Magic and Illusion
3. Meese!
2. Death of an Amway Salesman
1. Oh!  Velveeta!
Top Ten Least-Loved Christmas Stories
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10. Amahl and the Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling
9. The Sweatiest Angel
8. Santa's Three-Day Eggnog Bender
7. Christmas Eve at the All-Male Cinema
6. A Holiday Visit from Salmonella
5. Ironman Mike Tyson Hurts Santa Real Bad
4. My Christmas Sauna with Burl Ives
3. Jack Frost Loses the Feeling in His Extremities
2. I Saw Daddy Kissing Santa Claus
1. The Teddy Bear Who Came to Life and Mauled a Retail Clerk
Top Ten Headlines That Would Start a Panic
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10. Casey Kasem Builds Own Nuclear Device
9. Yanks Swap Mattingly for Eve Arden
8. Walking Dead Stalk City, Demand Soul Kisses
7. It Turns Out You Really Need Your Tonsils
6. Seals & Croft, Brewer and Shipley to Form Supergroup
5. Nell Carter, _Playboy_ Magazine Reach Terms
4. Constitution Thrown Out In Favor of Old "Marmaduke" Cartoon
3. "Sometimes When We Touch" Made National Anthem
2. Willy Nelson Discovered Washing Hair in NYC Water Supply
1. "Late Night" to Begin Top Twenty Lists
Top Ten Children's Books NOT Recommended by the National Library Association
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10. Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence
9. The Boy Who Died from Eating All His Vegetables
8. Legends of Scab Football
7. Teddy: The Elf with a Detached Retina
6. Tommy Tune: Boy Choreographer
5. Joe Garagiola Retells Favorite Fairy Tales but Can't Remember the Endings
    to All of Them
4. Ed Beckley's Start a Real Estate Empire with Change from Mom's Purse
3. Things Rich Kids Have That You Never Will
2. Let's Draw Betty and Veronica with Their Clothes Off
1. The Care Bears Maul Some Campers and Are Shot Dead
Top Ten Least Popular Attractions at Disney World
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10. The Raw Sewage Flume
9. Oprah Mountain
8. Moses Malone's Enchanted Laundry Hamper
7. Parade of Short Actors in Stifling Animal Suits
6. Pegleg Pete's Prison Shower Room
5. Muggyland
4. Hall of Vice Presidents
3. Walt's Walk-in Freezer and Crypt
2. Turn the Hose on Lady and the Tramp
1. Peter Pan's All-Male Cinema
Top Ten Least Popular Pepperidge Farm Cookies
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10. Asbestos Snaps
9. Broccoloons
8. Tainted Oyster Dainties
7. Gravel Sandys
6. Cinnamon Sharptons
5. Cholersterol Chubbies
4. Spackle Swirlies
3. Mallomar Khaddafys
2. Monkey Clumps
1. Johnny Bench's Nut Cups
Top 10 Mr. Wizard Experiments
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10. Let's flush a canned ham down the toilet.
9. Will your head fit here?
8. Taking a core sample of Tammy Faye Bakker's mascara.
7. Getting free HBO.
6. How many beers before you make a pass at Bea Arthur?
5. How much Crisco can you eat?
4. Substitution of Folgers Crystals for freshly brewed coffee.
3. Dressing like Mrs. Wizard.
2. A potato in your pocket: the moist, dark world of growth.
1. Those two flight attendants in Dallas.

Bigfoot's Top Ten Peeves
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10. Fat guys who lounge around the campground shirtless
9. Nobody ever goes after Alf with tranquilizer darts
8. Chicks who have a hangup about lice-infested body hair
7. This Dan Quayle Joke
6. Kids would rather see the San Diego Chicken
5. Lead role in "The Ed Asner Story" never materialized
4. The way squirrels smell when they're damp
3. Elvis always drops by right before dinner
2. Honking Winnebagos while you're trying to enjoy road kill
1. Drivers license photo makes him look like Gregg Allman
Top Ten Slogans for Cher's New Perfume
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10. I Smell You, Babe
9. It's Like Having a Tatoo in a Bottle
8. I'm Not Gonna Pay a Lot for This Perfume!
7. It's Cher-riffic!
6. The Crowning Touch to Excessive Plastic Surgery
5. It's Easier than Bathing
4. I get 12 Cents for Every Bottle Sold
3. Now Any Middle-aged Woman Can Marry a Teenager
2. Easy-Pour Splatter-Proof Bottle
1. Bring Out the Bono in Your Man!