Bachelor in Paradise recap: catfights and solo dates. Literally, SOLO.

Now that Chris and Elise have left paradise/Clare-adise/Sarah-dise, we need some new blood in the mix. Enter Cody (beefcake blonde from Andi's season), Jesse Kovacs (Jillian's season) and Kalon (douchebag who told Emily Maynard her daughter was "baggage"). Michelle still has her hopes set on Robert, but he invites Sarah on a date so Michelle does the right thing and braids Sarah's hair beforehand. Sarah (who sure wears a lot of one-piece bathing suits) and Robert have fun, even doing the "I'm the king of the world" Titanic-style, off the side of the boat. (Are people really still doing this?)

Cody is only interested in Clare and asks her out. She hems and haws - what about Zack?! So she asks Zack what he would do in her position, and he gives a roundabout answer - "depends on who the girl is." Ouch. Clare is NOT amused. Nobody puts Clare in a corner. But Clare still turns Cody down and devotes her attention - and her smooches - to Zack. Cody decides to give his date card to the lovebirds Marcus and Lacy, and quickly turns to Michelle, who seems psyched to be wrapped in his gigantic arms, tank top be damned.

Poor Kalon rolls up and no one is excited to see him. Everyone hates him and no one wants to go on a date with him. Literally, no one. Michelle accepts, then declines. Jackie says no. Sarah says no. So what does Kalon do? He goes on the damn date by himself. And has a full-on conversation with himself and pretends to make out with himself. Might be the best match in the history of this show.

Jesse asks Jackie on a date, although it seems more about wanting a rose than wanting Jackie. Marquel is not amused, yet still manages to smile a lot.

AshLee talks shit about Clare to Zack when she thinks the cameras aren't rolling - the cameras are ALWAYS rolling, sweetie - tells him he should date other girls because Clare had sex with Juan Pablo in the ocean. Damn, girl! Zack doesn't care and knows this is about to cause WWIII - and he's right. AshLee tries to backpeddle her way out of it but word gets back to Clare and She. Ain't. Happy. Strong personality plus emotional mess equals trouble in paradise...Clare is mad at Zack (again) for not standing up for her, and AshLee tries to sweet-talk her way out of it with the fakest apology ever. "You did nothing wrong!" (No shit sherlock) "I'm soooo sorry! I didn't mean to offend you!" etc.
Sure, sure. And we know she meant it because immediately afterwards she stormed inside and said "what a BITCH!" under her breath. Which was once again caught on camera.

At the rose ceremony, Michelle feels it necessary to tell Graham the truth about AshLee, since he is the last to know what she said to Clare. And he is not amused. What should he do?!

Roses:
Lacy and Marcus
Clare and Zack
AshLee and...she offers it to Graham, he storms out, and the screen goes black.

To Be Continued. (tonight!!)