Back-ish

Well. Here I sit, rocking my 2.5 week old little guy and slowly emerging from the fog. Guess I'll start with his birth story so I have it written down somewhere...

The day before I kind of sensed that something was about to happen. I even ate an ungodly amount of gluten free pasta that night and justified it to my mom, saying "the odds are good that I won't be eating tomorrow so I better carb load!" Sure enough, contractions started around 3am on Nov 17. I guess my body has an eviction time for babies - Georgie was 38 weeks 6 days and little man was 38 weeks 5 days.

I timed out the contractions for a couple of hours, and they stayed around 5-6 minutes apart and got stronger so I decided it was go time. (After showering and hot rolling my hair - what am I, a monster??) I didn't want to bother the on-call doctor or really my mom, who I woke up literally as I was walking out the door. Drove myself to the hospital which probably wasn't the smartest since when I arrived they checked me and I was dilated 4-5 cm already. In significant pain so went ahead and asked for an epidural, which I got around 6:45am. My mom found a sweet friend to watch Georgie and was in my room by 8am.I didn't need Pitocin this time as I was progressing just fine on my own, and was psyched that my amazing L&D nurse who delivered Georgie had randomly picked up a shift and was my nurse again! #teamlajunta

My doctor was having HER baby shower that day, so I had a different doctor, but I had met him before and he (literally) wrote the book on pregnancy that they give to all patients, so I knew I was in good hands. (Little did I know how important this would be later...) Labor was more or less a breeze this time, aside from a little scare when the baby's heart rate dropped after they broke my water. I teared up when extra nurses ran in and I had to get a oxygen mask, but it evened back out after that. He popped out at 10:53am with the cord wrapped around his neck (teared up again), but he was AOK. The cleft chin threw me for a second, but now I'm obsessed with it.

Then the complications started. My placenta wouldn't come out and there was a real chance of my getting wheeled back for surgery, but the doctor literally stuck his entire arm up there and got it out (thank GOD for epidural!). Back in my recovery room, my mom left to get Georgie and it was just me, my brother and my new baby Beau. Around 3 or so I started feeling horrible pain - like the worst pain ever. Worse than labor. I almost puked several times, was writhing in the bed and finally started sobbing. My brother got worried and called the nurses in. They said I was just swollen from the tearing and gave me a pain pill. Within 30 minutes I needed another one, and it wasn't working. Thank god one of them suggested they bring the doctor back in to take a look - he did and immediately said "it's a hematoma. If you can't pee we are going to put you under and do surgery." Of course I couldn't pee, and of course had insisted on eating a dozen Taco Cabana tortillas earlier (no more gluten free for me!!), so they had to do another spinal and I was awake. The doctor said it was a simple 10 minute procedure, but it ended up taking an hour and a half because they couldn't find the source of the bleeding and even had to bring in another surgeon. Turns out it was my artery. Apparently it was a lot worse than I was told - my bladder could have burst, these bleeds can be fatal, etc. And the whole time I can hear what's going on and feel like I'm in a weird episode of Grey's Anatomy. The doctor told me in his 34 years of practice he had only seen this one other time and had no idea what happened. Great!

The baby stayed in the nursery overnight so I could rest (ha), getting donor breast milk. A friend came to see me around 9:30 the next morning and I sobbed that I hadn't seen the baby in over 12 hours, and she marched outside and within 30 seconds they wheeled the baby back into my room. Yay for friends!

Recovery has been a little painful, but seems like everything is healing up like it's supposed to. So weird and scary though!

Welcome to the world, Beau. So glad you're here.

Long live "innaj"

All of a sudden my kid is talking like a kid, not like a baby. She says "butterfly" not "bulla." She says "elephant" not "ellie" or "elliship." She says "ladybug" not "bugga." Thank goodness she still says "innaj" instead of "orange." Let's keep it that way, shall we?

Slacking off

Yeesh haven't written in almost a week - that's how insane work has been! Every day I hope my water breaks so I don't have to come in - you know it's bad when the idea of dealing with a newborn and a toddler sounds like a vacation!

And yet, still no baby. Humph.

Pregnancy: so glamorous

Went for my weekly check-in with the doctor today, and my blood pressure was higher than they'd like. After testing in two more times I was sent downstairs to triage (sounds so fancy/scary!) where I then had to put on a gown and get hooked up to all kinds of monitors for a few hours. Everything is fine - but I have to pee into a damn jug for the next 24 hours. Like lug this thing around the office. And it's so big I have to stand up to pee. (TMI? sorry not sorry)

So tragic.

We don't even have Froot Loops in the house!

Reading to Georgie last night, and there was a picture of a toucan. I pointed out the "birdie" and Georgie said, "No. Toucan." Alllllrighty then.

#howdoessheknowthat

Rice rice baby

Y'all I keep buying rice at the grocery store. Basmati rice. I bought a bag last weekend and then again this weekend. Plus there were already TWO MORE in the pantry. I guess chalk it up to pregnancy brain or an overwhelming craving for white rice (wouldn't put either past me), but Jesus take the wheel!

Currently Googling "rice recipes"...

Back to the streaming board

UGH just learned yesterday that PlayStation Vue is shutting down at the end of January. Right after I sign up and semi figure out how to use it. I guess I will weigh YouTube TV vs Hulu Live and try again in January (have to stick with Vue through December because #hallmarkchristmasmovies, duh). Just annoying because I did all the research beforehand and here we are again. Le sigh.

#stillcheaperthandirecttv

Merry Christmas - where's the Tylenol

Why yes, I AM already watching the Hallmark Channel Christmas movies. And yes, I AM already listening to the Hallmark Christmas channel on Sirius XM. Georgie has somehow learned the words to Jingle Bells and says "ho ho ho" a lot as well. (No, I have not yet decorated - I'm not insane.)

I guess I feel like with a newborn and a crazy toddler it's going to be mass chaos over the holidays (more so than it normally is!), so I better get a bit of holiday spirit in now before it's January and I don't know what just happened.

Ho ho ho

Boo at the Zoo

I didn't realize it was a special Halloween weekend at the zoo, and I think all of the costume changes last week have burned poor Georgie out so she didn't want to wear one again. Fair enough. She started screaming the second we got there because she didn't see any animals, so I walked as fast as I could pushing a stroller (mostly uphill) only to find no giraffes, gorillas or elephants out in their habitats. Luckily we did see lions, and finally one elephant on the way to the hippos. Another meltdown happened in the zoo store (left without buying anything - SO maternal!) and a final one on the merry-go-round, which was "too loud" and is unfortunately her lasting memory of the entire day. Yay for two-year-olds!!

Wild weekend ahead!

My mom is off to Austin for the weekend, so it's just me and George. We have big plans - trick or treating at my office, the zoo and milkshakes at Kellers. Of course we might just stay home. So there's that.

Cable? We don't need no stinking cable

So far so good without cable! I mean, I do miss Nick at Nite when I am awake at 2am and I can't watch Friends, but I'm sure it's available on some other streaming service right? (And Hallmark starts showing Frasier around then, so that's feasible)

Also no PBS (Sesame Street), MTV (Hills! Teen Mom OG!) or Nickelodeon (Peppa Pig), but that's what YouTube is for, right?

And saving $120 a month is sooooo worth it.

Good times

Text from my mom yesterday. Le sigh

I can't.

It's official: hearing my daughter say "I ludge you, mama" makes me MELT. Like I really cannot handle.

It's like a death in the family. Sort of.

Today my cable cord gets cut. I know it's weird but I'm a little sad. Like cutting off a limb or something. I don't think PlayStation Vue is going to be the best replacement, but we will survive. I will miss you, Nick at Nite.

Hold the pickles

Last night we had to rouse Georgie from her crib and camp out in the hall for about 45 minutes due to tornados in the area. I was admittedly a bit freaked, but luckily we didn't lose power or have any damage in the neighborhood (for once!). I was still worried about more storms when we put G back to bed, so I had all three of us sleep in my mom's bed. I told Georgie to get the middle and we would make a "Georgie sandwich," forgetting how literal she is at this age. And so she inevitably wanted a sandwich.

We will probably stop for a PSL on the way

Tomorrow I'm taking Georgie for a 45 minute drive to some ranch that has a pumpkin patch (this will be her third, but who's counting), hayrides, a petting zoo and more. I'm sure it will all go over her head, but I feel like I need to maximize the kiddie stuff - never been able to before now, so why not?? Plus take advantage while she's still under 2 and gets in free.

#alltheFALLthings

#basic

State Fair (nightly) recap

Took Georgie to the State Fair on Sunday, and I'd say overall it was a success. She tried a corny dog and funnel cake, saw baby chicks, baby pigs, baby goats and cows, gaped at the size of the ferris wheel, and got freaked out by Big Tex. I told her he waved and said, "howdy, folks!" which she then made me repeat for literally an hour. And again when we got home. Now every night when going to bed she wants to talk about the fair and waves and says "howdy, folks" in a funny voice. It's truly hilarious. And doesn't seem to be getting old for her anytime soon.

Deeeeeep breaths

Have to raffle off tickets to Donald Trump's campaign rally today at work. It will really take everything I have to hit "send," but I will persevere. And will try hard not to judge those who sign up. :)

#jesustakethewheel

Don't cry over spilled milk

...but you CAN cry over spoiled milk! Two of Georgie's cups had gone missing over the weekend, and sure enough one was in my mom's purse and the other was in the diaper bag in my car. And both had solidified into a cottage cheese-y substance. I would like to say #scienceexperiment, but my mom and I both nearly threw up - especially my mom since it also spilled in her purse. We will be checking these bags a LOT more often now, I assure you.

Also silver lining: we have all our cups back!

Bring on the hopscotch!

We are having "Adult Recess" at work today, complete with Steel City Pops, cornhole, dominoes, tug of war, potato sack races, Twister, and a 65' inflatable obstacle course. I of course planned it all, and of course am super bummed that I can't do the obstacle course at 8 months pregnant. Maybe next year...

He flipped the script!

The ice-him-out theory must have worked - little guy turned around! Here's hoping he stays that way...

#iceicebaby

It's going to be a very Dollar Store Christmas

In the past month or so, I have had to spend money on:

• replacing electrical wiring
• new hot water heater
• new car battery

Can I be done adulting now?

Turn around, bright eyes (no, literally)

At last check this little guy was breech. He still has time to turn, but I'm getting worried that he won't. Not that I would mind having a C-section - it's just the recovery with an infant and a toddler that has me a bit nervous. Not being able to pick either one of them up for 6 weeks?? Next to impossible. So in the meantime I've been researching ways to get him to flip. Some are fairly hilarious:

• Freeze him out. Put an icepack on the top of my stomach to force him to move away from it
• Have a party "down below" - shine a flashlight and play music to get him attracted and want to check it out (this one is my fave. thinking strobe lights and Kesha)
• Pelvic thrusts/tilts - fine, but it's not easy when your stomach is so enormous
• Draw a large directional arrow pointing down, so he might see it and head that way (kidding)

I worry that he isn't that bright if he can't figure out where the exit is, but I guess it will all work out okay. Right???

I want to quit the gym.

UPDATE: I quit DirecTV! They did not make it easy (very Friends "I want to quit the gym" episode), but I stuck to my guns and will be moving to PlayStation Vue later this month. (Of course I had to upgrade Apple TV but in the long run I think it will be worth it...)

Feeling so high-tech and also like I need to binge watch the 400 hours currently saved in my DVR.

Say what??

While I can understand most of what my daughter says, there are still several times a day when I have no idea what she's saying. And she repeats it enough that I know she is telling me SOMETHING, and when I guess (incorrectly), she sighs and says "NO." So tragic. Like this morning on the way to school she kept saying "packings coming?" ("Coming" is her word for "I want" - "mommy coming" means "I want mama") "Packings coming?" And FINALLY as we neared the school I realized she was saying PUMPKINS (they have an awesome pumpkin patch at the school). Ahhhh she wanted to see the pumpkins. Google translate needs a Toddler option.

To stream or not to stream

I am embarrassed to say I spend $180/month on cable. Which is ludicrous. So looking into streaming services, but that too is a bit overwhelming! I want Bravo, The Bachelor, MSNBC, ESPN and Hallmark Channel. Is that so much to ask? (already pay for Netflix and regular Hulu, so got those covered)

Let the researching begin!!

This is not okay

It's October 1 and I have eaten enough candy today for the entire month. Or at least for October 31. Gonna be a long month.

Sprinkled with love

A few friends threw me a baby "sprinkle" over the weekend - a lesser version of a shower, get it??? - and it was lovely. They invited my mom so Georgie had to come, which that made it a bit hard to talk to people, but good times had by all. Love my friends!!

Also in case anyone was keeping track

New hot water heater won't be installed until Monday. Which means it will be 8 long days of cold showers, having to heat water on the stove for my kid's baths and washing dishes...it's very Little House on the Prairie over here. :(

Royals: They're just like us!

Loved learning that baby Archie's nickname is "Bubba." I'm sure the queen calls him that too.

Awkward, thy name is Sarah

So when I take Georgie to school, I drop her off in the big playroom. The same woman is there every day, and I don't think I ever knew her name. I was leaving yesterday and as Georgie started to cling and cry, I was able to glance at her nametag and said, "you can play with Miss Stephanie!" To which she quickly turned the tag over and said, "It's Sam. I'm Stephanie at home because I'm not out there." (She is obviously a lesbian) I blushed and apologized and said "Miss Sam! Play with Miss Sam!" And she (he?) said something like "Mc Sam" (I don't think it was Mr but I was so flustered I'm not sure)

It was terrible. Mostly because it probably seemed like I was uncomfortable with gay/trans people - which I am not - but I just kept saying the wrong thing and ended up getting the hell out of there. From now on, it's Sam. Just Sam dammit.

SIGH

Just wondering

How Sean Spicer survived the first cut of DWTS. (NOTE: I am not actually watching this, so he could be the best thing since sliced bread. I just sort of doubt it.)

ice ice baby

And while I love me some Robby Van Winkle, I am referring to this morning's shower. Which was ice cold because at some point yesterday my water heater started leaking and no more hot water at the house. Georgie did NOT like her chilly sponge bath - although I kept telling her it was like being in the pool, she yelled "COLD!" - can't get anything past this one. Hopefully the repairmen will come today, because frankly I'm already dreading the shower tomorrow morning. Brrrrr

"fresh" out of chances

I love the idea of Amazon Fresh delivering groceries to my house, they have messed up every single time, with the latest involving giving me someone else's bag and leaving off half my order. If I have to end up going to the grocery store anyway, it's not that much of a time saver. #bye

y tho

Yesterday morning I was driving Georgie to school. She has caught my mom's cough and seemed pretty mad throughout the drive (which, thanks to yet another accident on 635, took an hour). Managed to "lose" two pacis back there and is in a phase where I have to hold her hand while driving (I know, I know). Regardless, we were one block from school and she coughed until she puked. All over herself. I hung a u-ie and headed back home, but not before she barfed another two times. She still has the cough but hasn't gotten sick since, but STILL. Why she only barfs in the car while in the car seat (which is a BEAR to clean) is beyond me. Poor poodle.

Does it count

...if you take your kid to the Musikgarten class at church but don't actually stay for church? And do this two weeks in a row? Asking for a friend.

Toot, toot

(that's the sound of me tooting my own horn)

I am done with my Christmas shopping, people. (Aside from getting a little something for the girls on my team at work) Mark it down: September 12.

Dusting off the old soap box

So Trump is going to ban vaping because 6 kids died. That's truly sad and vaping is terrible, but um 100 Americans (including children) are killed every DAY from guns. God forbid we do something about that....


smdh

And cue itchiness

Guy just came into my office with dessert, trying to bribe me into giving him tickets to some event at the AAC this weekend. I told him he should talk to my co-worker, as she is the actual holder of the tickets, and he said "oh, she doesn't want to see me - she's pregnant and I had chicken pox for the second time!" I was like, "uh, I'M PREGNANT TOO." So thanks for all of that.

I would really make a terrible admin

I find the paper cutter to be highly intimidating. Just had to cut like 30 sheets and it took WAY longer than it probably should have. On the plus side, I did not cut myself.

Thank GD I don't have GD

Passed the three hour glucose test...so no gestational diabetes! I did learn that the big guy is already in the 79th percentile and has "broad shoulders," so labor should be fun.
The three hour test wasn't bad - just boring. Although I got a lot of work done, so there's that.

(And I may or may not have eaten a bunch of sweets this weekend just in case I was about to hear the bad news. Ha)

Cameo, Cameo, wherefore art thou Cameo

Have y'all heard of Cameo, where you pay "celebrities" to record a short video for a friend, etc.? I thought it would a funny thing to do for my brother for his birthday, so I looked into it. And was shocked at how much some of these people charge - looking at you, Chris Harrison ($600?!). Perez Hilton is a bargain at $50, I guess. It's really pretty hilarious. Might have to pool some funds and get 'er done. (If Jeff Foxworthy an option?? KIDDING)

God forbid I should have to give up Red Vines

So I failed the one-hour glucose test which pregnant women have to take. Which means tomorrow I have to take the THREE HOUR one. If I fail that, I have gestational diabetes. Which really doesn't sound like fun at all. I guess better to find out in the third trimester than the first, since there's not that much time to deal with it, but still. Fingers crossed I somehow pass...

School is cool!

Georgie's first day went really well! No tears from either of us, and her teachers loved her. I drop her off early for play time from 8-8:45 - sadly she was the ONLY ONE in there yesterday, but had all the toys to herself so was just fine. Then school is 8:45-2, and when my mom went to pick her up she was still asleep (!) so got an update from the teachers on her day. She ate all her lunch and they thought she already knew Spanish because she "sang along" to the Spanish songs. Ha! (the only word she knows is "calmate," which means calm down, because I tell her and the dog that all the time)

Here's to a great year of "school" for my big girl. :)

Oh hey, wake up call

Friday I was working from home. And thank GOD - around 7:30 I was sitting in the kitchen logging on to the computer when I heard a noise behind the china cabinet. I asked my mom if she heard anything, and she said no. Then it happened again. We looked at each other - a mouse? A bug? Best to just leave it alone. But the noise continued and I couldn't shake the feeling that something was amiss. So I moved the cabinet a little and saw sparks coming out of the outlet behind it! (The cabinet has a light so it was plugged in, but not turned on.) I (perhaps stupidly) reached out and unplugged it, but the sparks were still coming out and the sound of crackling kept coming from inside the wall. Totally freaked, I got the fire extinguisher (and dusted it off - lord knows how old it is) and we called 911 and an electrician. The firemen arrived within 30 minutes, but not before I had a small breakdown about losing my children in an electrical fire. They had us turn off the power and said we needed a new outlet. The wall was a little warm but nothing too scary (ha). The electrician came a few hours later and "pigtailed" the aluminum wire with copper. I thought this had already been done, as this came up when I bought the house, but I guess not all outlets were fixed. So that will be happening ASAP. ($$$$$$$ but totes worth the peace of mind)

I just shudder to think what might have happened if I had gone to the office...but the electrician said our breaker box was really good and would shut anything down before a fire happened. Thanks but I think I'll still get everything fixed. YIKES!!!

School Daze

Meet the teacher at Georgie's new "school" (aka Mother's Day Out 3 days a week) went great! She was a little clingy at first, but by the end I had to drag her out of there. They will learn Spanish, yoga, do arts and crafts, sing songs, take naps - basically my ideal day. Excited for her and hope she has a great year!!

This post sponsored by...

Does it mean the TV is on too much when Georgie sings along with the Liberty Insurance commercial? (Liberty Liberty Liiiiiberty) Maybe she could be a tiny spokesmodel.

Hey you - I know you!

Went to my OB yesterday for a check-up/glucose test, and one of the nurses from my fertility doctor's office was there getting hers done too! She is due a day before me. Small freaking world. (Also: please no gestational diabetes. Fingers crossed people.)

I swear we feed her

Georgie woke up this morning at 3am and when I went in to calm her down she asked for milk. Got her some milk. Then yogurt. Then chicken. (She got neither.) Who asks for chicken at 3:30 in the morning, who isn't a drunk college dude coming back from the bar??

So random. It was all I could do not to laugh.

Hello, eyesight

After 22 days in glasses, I am attempting to wear my contacts again. The ulcer has healed although it left a scar (?!) on my retina. Yay. Here's hoping it was just a fluke thing and these new contacts and new case won't cause another ulcer. (But hey - I have plenty of eye patches left just in case)

You know it's bad when you're praying for a water leak

My water bill was triple what it has ever been this month. As much as I would like to blame my mom and her gardening habit, she swears we ran the sprinklers twice a week last month as well, so now I'm hoping the technician will find a major pipe break or something. Which of course will end up costing more than the water bill to fix, but in the long run...

Adulting is hard guys

Kudos, Bachelor in Paradise (there's a phrase I never thought I would say)

Lots of girl on girl action on last night's BIP, thanks to producers flying in Demi's "girlfriend." And on network TV! Brava. And may I throw in John Krasinski's twin Derek as the next Bachelor, please...

You're welcome, ladies

Not saying it was because of me, but this year our company added infertility insurance for the first time ever (didn't help me in 2017, but it did help this year!). And I am now tackling our crappy maternity leave policy, with the possibility of adding an additional four weeks for women and two weeks for men! (again, the latter won't help me but I will certainly take an additional four weeks...)

Don't say I never did anything for you, gals.

I'm old enough to be your grandmother. Apparently.

I have been watching this terrible show called Unexpected about teen moms who are having babies, and what cracks me up the most is that their moms are younger than me. Like 37, 38. And they are grandmothers. Of course most of them were also teen moms, so clearly the apple doesn't fall far. In one Kentucky family, the two sisters both announced they were pregnant on the same day as teens, and now they have three teenage daughters, two of whom have babies under the age of one and the third is pregnant. Attaway! Shoot I'm so old I probably won't even live to SEE a grandchild. (Georgie: please don't get pregnant in high school. K thanks)

Hard pass dude

A team member left last month and I now get all of her emails, including things like Etsy, Redfin, etc. Nothing bothered me too much until yesterday when I got her email from Donald J Trump asking for a donation. WTF?!  #unsubscribe

Hey - they already have Christmas decorations up at Hobby Lobby...

With the baby coming in November, part of me wants to decorate for Christmas early and get it over with. Like Halloween early. I could do a Halloween tree, right? Of course, with a newborn the decorations will probably be up until February...#valentinetree

Not hot

When your already super weird across-the-street neighbors tell you they like to swim in the nude...

Yay verbs!

Georgie was at the pool yesterday and was playing with a bunch (read: all) of the leftover toys that kids leave there. A girl a few years older wanted the ball that G was playing with, and although she said "no" several times, I finally convinced her to share (by yanking it out of her hands and giving it to the little girl). Georgie was so proud of herself that for the rest of the day she was saying, "I share ball!" Baby steps, people. Baby steps.

Putting the "o" in OMG

In yet another chapter of Sarah v Mother Nature, there is apparently a family of possums (opossums??) in my yard. I HATE possums. They are like giant rats - so giant in fact that one of them lumbered onto the back porch and was so heavy it caused the motion sensor light to turn on. Then I saw one of its babies scurry across the front porch - so not sure WHERE they are living: front? back? Either way I am super uneasy to go outside when it's dark. I've taken to the Parent Trap method of banging sticks together and yelling. You know, possums, mountain lions - same diff.

#animalcontrol #pleasehelpme

9021-uh oh

Sooooo. BH90210 is back. I'll be honest - it wasn't great. It wasn't even good. Will I still watch every episode? Of course. Brief commentary:

• Best part of the whole thing was hearing the opening song again. Never gets old.
• But speaking of getting old...everyone looks old (except for damn Ian Ziering). And has had major work done. Jennie Garth probably looks the best, but also has clearly had the most done to her face.
• Poor Andrea Zuckerman - all she gets is a lesbian story line? And the fact that she's a grandmother? Double ouch.
• Nice nod to Luke Perry. I can't imagine he would have stooped to doing this show, though. 
• Similarly, Shannen Doherty. Until I saw previews from the season I was thinking she was going to film the entire show by herself, which I guess wouldn't surprise me but like what's the point??
• Interesting choices for everyone's significant others - Vanessa Lachey? Ivan Sergei? I guess it's a who's who of former stars, because #showaboutformerstars

Groundhog Day

This is going to sound super spoiled, but my mom basically does my laundry every day (with three of us, there's a lot of laundry). So my workout clothes are always washed right after I wear them. And they find themselves at the top of the drawer (I put my clothes away, not my mom, thank you very much), so I have found myself wearing the same outfit day after day. No biggie, unless you factor in that after I work out I walk the dog and tend to see the same neighbors every morning. Who probably think I only own the one outfit. Alas. #laziness

I'm just going to leave this right here.

(Our President should probably wash his hands too.) #enough #movingtocanada

Let there be light

Well I'm still in glasses but at least my eye opens and I can turn lights on. Georgie was slightly freaked out by the eye patch, and can't say that I blame her! It was a rough weekend that made me appreciate having the sense of sight, but hopefully I'm on the mend. #thankyoueyedrops

One-eyed bandit

Yesterday I had terrible pain in my left eye all day- I couldn't open it, the light KILLED, it was red and watery.Went to the eye doctor and apparently I have an ulcer on my cornea (probably from contacts), and have to use antibiotic drops 4 times a day for a week. Driving home with only one usable eye was no Bueno, and it hurt so bad all night that I got like 2 hours of sleep max. Even went to get water out of the fridge in the night and the refrigerator light almost made me pass out. So here I sit, on my bed, shades drawn and sunglasses on.

#molepeople

Me Me Me

One of Georgie's favorite things to do is to look at pictures (and preferably videos) of herself on my phone. She will say "Gigi? Gigi? Gigi" until you get the phone out and start scrolling. Gotta admire her self-confidence, I guess...

In absentia

Starting to plan our company holiday party, and this will be the third one I have planned but will not be attending. (two due to maternity leave, one due to a friend's wedding in Cabo - all three events which were much more fun, I assure you) Is it bad that I don't really care how great it is, since I won't be there to enjoy it? (NOTE: of course it will be great, but you know what I mean.) Going with a roaring 20s/Great Gatsby theme (since it will be January 2020) and hired a jazz/swing band. Which the millennials at my office will probably despise. But maybe I will be introducing them to something new...

#yourewelcomekids

Poor Pilot Peter

I think Hannah shot herself in the foot on this one. Tyler just seems sleepy and Jed is out to sell dog food jingles. Neither one seems like a long-term match. Then again, what the hell do I know.

Barfolomew

Survived Georgie's first "bug" - fever of 102 and a few major vomits that I really won't ever be able to unsee. Needless to say, it was a very long and basically homebound weekend. But we came out the other side, only slightly scathed (my mom's car may smell like puke for a while).

The 90s were only 10 years ago, amiright?

How is it that I have my 20-year college reunion this fall (which I sadly have to miss because of the baby), and my 25-year high school reunion next year?? NO way am I old enough for all of that. Sniff.

Sorry, Mr Mueller

What a shitshow that was. Feel so bad for the man. Who is a REPUBLICAN. Wouldn't know it with all the Republicans screaming at him...sheesh. Hopefully he can retire on some island somewhere. (Where he can write the tell-all of what REALLY happened after Trump leaves office!)

Bless his heart. The man is a true American hero.

Well that's embarrassing

I kind of geeked out over the 50th anniversary of the moon landing this weekend - watched some of the footage, talked to my mom about where she was when it happened (although she said "skipping school to watch" and it took place in late July, so #1960s), etc.

I was embarrassed to admit that I have always thought the American flag that they planted stuck straight out because of the atmosphere/gravity situation/insert science jargon here on the moon. And my mom had to inform me that they put a freaking wire frame in it. Well la di da. One giant step for man.

Slow down there

Yesterday I somehow went from being "mama" to "mommy." I never thought I would want to be called "mommy" - maybe just go from "mama" to "mom" - but man it's cute. (And when she says "sit down, mommy" I do what she says, even if it makes me late for work.)

And why is she so old that she's saying it now?? GAH pretty soon I'll just be "mom." #thehorror

Thumbs up and thumbs down

Watched trailers for Top Gun: Maverick and Cats last night. Top Gun looks AWESOME. And here's hoping they re-release the original in theaters beforehand - I am so there. Cats, on the other hand, looks TERRIBLE. I saw the musical and found it weird, so wouldn't see the movie anyway - but WTF with the creepy special effects, makeup and costumes? I can't believe Taylor Swift was okay with this. #youneedtocalmdown

Good things about traveling

1. Got to watch A Star is Born on the plane
2. Finished TWO InStyle magazines from 2018 that have been sitting on my nightstand
3. Mani/pedi at the airport
4. Coming home!!

Doing okay, eh

In Toronto for work for 24 hours -first time leaving Georgie although I know she's in excellent hands. I was hesitant to FaceTime because she usually cries, but this time -nope. She actually kept walking away and *I* was the one who cried! But tomorrow will be super busy and then I'll head home to my girl. Who will most likely be receiving some tragic Toronto gear from the airport. (Raptors shirt, anyone?)

The Championships (pronounced CHOMP-ionships)

How crazy was that men's final yesterday?? I admit it was the only match I have watched this year, and I only watched the last set. But hey - still exciting. Makes me want to go back to Wimbledon! I'm sure things have changed immensely since the last time I was there at age 13...as long as they still have strawberries and cream, we're good.

Fresh meat

The last remaining team member has quit, so I had to hire two newbies (one to take over while I'm on leave, the other to fill my designer's shoes). Both of them are FRESH out of college, no experience...should be very interesting. But on the plus side I'm sure they can teach me all about Snapchat and the lingo and "doing it for the 'gram." Or whatever.

#iamold

Smile!

Georgie had her first dentist apt today. Amazingly she was a perfect angel - laid still, didn't cry or squirm or anything. But I learned I am supposed to hold her down and floss her 8 teeth every day. Oh and brush her teeth for her until SHE IS 9. I'm sorry what??? #betterstartgettingupearlier

Side bar dentist said he can already tell she is going to need orthodontics. Yay.

Just a moment....(said in Office Space voice)

Our facilities manager had a family emergency yesterday so asked if I would answer phones over lunch so the receptionist could take a break. Never having done it before, I got a two minute tutorial and was good to go. Only got about 7 calls total, one called me "Anita" when I answered the phone "Dynata" and then I sent two calls to random people because I couldn't figure out where they should go, but otherwise look out admin assistants. I'm comin' for you. (KIDDING I could never do what they do. More power to 'em)

FML

Bought 260 tickets to tonight's minor league baseball game for my company to bring their families - complete with food, drinks and a lazy river. The CEO was supposed to throw out the first pitch but bailed, so I picked a guy friend who is suuuuuper excited about it. I had people RSVP and as of yesterday had like 100 extra tickets. So I made the mistake of telling people we had extras and they were GONE in an hour. People kept asking about tickets so I bought another 100 today. All I can say is our section better be freaking PACKED y'all.

#nogooddeed
#sweatfest2019

BOOM

For those of you who follow me on social media, you probably saw the firework I lit on the 4th: baby #2 is due in November! I still haven't really gotten my head around it and can't fathom how this is going to go with two, but I guess I will figure it out? Poor guy won't get his own room, at least not right away, probably won't have a name until he's born because I cannot pick something, and most of his toys and books will be hand-me-downs from his sister (who, let's be honest, has ripped up/chewed on most of the books at this point) - already such a second child. But he is technically Georgie's twin (created at the same time, just been sitting on ice for two years) and I can't wait to meet him!

Move over Betty Crocker

Hope everyone had a happy 4th! We braved the country club for a few hours - but I'm so terrified of Georgie drowning that I really don't like taking her. She takes off running and lord help me if I'm not able to grab her in time. We bought her a Puddle Jumper but it's too big - luckily met a mom of a 17-month-old who was wearing a life vest and she gave us all the details. So we will be ready for next time! Also no fireworks obviously (past her bedtime and honestly mine too) - maybe in a few years. My triple berry trifle turned out AMAZE though!!!

A study in parenting

Georgie can now say a few phrases: "sit down" and "don't move." Obviously these are things I say to her a lot. A LOT. Nice.

Where's Yasmine Bleeth when you really need her?

Took Georgie to the pool on Saturday. It's truly terrifying at this age because she takes off running and my goal is really just keep her alive. The puddle jumper is still too big for her so it's grab her by the swim bottoms or nothing.

But little did I know there was more danger lurking in the water. She was sitting on the side, ready to jump to me, and I was facing her with my back to the rest of the pool. All of a sudden, WHAM! I got hit square in the back with a football going probably 40 mph (felt like 80, but a teenage boy threw it so who knows). It almost knocked the wind out of me and I had an immediate red welt. But thank GOD I was there, blocking Georgie - it would have knocked her out cold. I angrily turned around and the kid's dad was like "sorry..." I said, "um, that really hurt!" And he basically turned around and kept playing. Another lady who saw the whole thing came over to see if I was okay and reported them to the manager, but first she said she thought he was my husband because he was so uncaring! (sad commentary on marriage, no?)

Then later I was sitting ON THE KIDDIE STEPS with Georgie and somehow lost my balance FROM SITTING ON THE STEP and slid underwater. While holding Georgie and trying to A. not drown and 2. keep her above water. My mom just stood there staring at me like "why are you panicking on the KIDDIE STEPS." We may never know. But in the melee I did manage to scrape the crap out of my back on the KIDDIE STEPS and therefore left the pool with not one but two back injuries.

Yay

A layer of jam, a layer of beef, sauteed with peas and onions...

I am pulling a Rachel Green and trying to make a trifle. (For the 4th, not for Thanksgiving, but same diff.) And like Rachel's trifle, I am running into some trouble. First of all, I have to make the angel food cake from scratch so it's gluten free. So I bought an angel food cake pan and whipped up the batter yesterday. My mom tasted it and cringed, which is always what you want to see - apparently I put in too much salt. But it didn't really matter because when I went to put the pan in the oven it started leaking EVERYWHERE. It was like a scene from that horror movie "It" about the yogurt. Apparently you are supposed to line the inside with parchment paper to prevent such things from happening - but ahem that would have been good to note on the recipe!!!

So we quickly moved it to a banana bread baking pan, and it stuck to the pan so much we had to throw it away. I made another batch, less salt, better pan, and it actually tastes semi-normal. Next up: layering the fruit and whipped cream. Stay tuned.

#ittasteslikefeet

If you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be??

My "team" at work is now down to me. The cheese stands alone. However, the cheese can't do it alone, so I am hiring for two (maybe three) positions. Interviews start today, and I feel like I am terrible both at giving them and getting them! Alas. These are mostly fresh out of school kids so I'll just let them talk about themselves for a while. Millennials like that, right??

Just when you think no one reads this

Talking to my uncle last night, he mentioned something that I realized I had written about on my blog last week. So HI UNCLE MIKE! Sorry about the Bachelorette and Hills ramblings!!

Oh, Justin Bobby

Well I finally watched The Hills: New Beginnings, and I'm just not sure about this. Some thoughts:

• I miss LC. And Lo. And Jen Bunny, for that matter
• Audrina and Stephanie have had so much plastic surgery they are starting to look like each other. Then again, look at Heidi. So what am I saying.
• Cannot believe Heidi and Spencer are still together, tbh
• Brody Jenner. No clue he was married, but semi-amazing that his wife and father share the same name (Caitlyn Jenner)
• Still not sure why Mischa Barton is here - but if Perez Hilton makes a guest appearance next week, I guess it will be worth it?
• Best part for me was seeing Pam Anderson and her seemingly normal son. Poor kid puts up with a lot. And bonus points that she up and moved to France when Trump was elected. #highfive

What the hell is a pro-forma invoice, anyway??

I cannot tell y'all how bad I am at shipping things internationally via FedEx. Like 80% of the time I get a call from FedEx International saying I screwed up the commercial invoice. Why they can't make this easier, I have no idea. (And in case my brother who works for FedEx happens to read this...WHY CAN'T YOU MAKE THIS EASIER) And yet I never learn and continue to send things out like I always have. Which means most things get stuck in customs. I really need an assistant who can do this crap for me. And probably would do a much better job. Just saying.

What is this, 2001?

Just a little excited that The Hills is back tonight. And in another month or so, 90210 will be back. What's next - Friends? #daretodream

This kid!!

Y'all. Georgie can count to 10. She sometimes skips four and five, but considering she's not even 18 months I am willing to overlook this. And then this morning she comes into my room and says "peaches," indicating what she wanted for breakfast. SHE KILLS ME.

Like, hi, okay?

Anyone know what that quote is from? If you're a child of the 80s, you should know it's from an amazing episode of Family Ties where Jennifer celebrates her 13th birthday and wants to be part of the cool (and apparently valley girl) crowd. It truly introduced me to valley girl speak back in the day, and even my dad would quote "like, hi, okay?" back then. I so wish I could provide a clip, but for now this will have to do. Like, bye.

Muddy Buddy!!

We are having a charity bake sale today, and I decided to make Muddy Buddy bars for the first time. Chocolate, peanut butter and marshmallow mixed up with Rice Chex - a winning combo. My mom scoffed, saying "I don't like peanut butter, chocolate OR marshmallow." And then proceeded to not only eat several, but make AN ENTIRELY NEW BATCH the next day. And now I am banned from ever making them again. Ha.

Luke P is the WORST

And the fact that Hannah B likes him is KILLING ME. As is the fact that I am so invested in this stupid show. #facepalm

Swiftie for life

If I didn't already like Taylor Swift (and I did), I adore her now. Her latest video for "You Need to Calm Down" is fantastic. Good for her for realizing the influence she has and for taking a political stand. It's rare and brave and I say GO GIRL. Now if I could just get tickets to her concert...

Adulting

Just had frozen yogurt for lunch. Besides cereal for dinner, I think this might be my favorite meal. Probably started in high school when they put a fro yo machine in the cafeteria and that's all we ate (until the rumor got out that it was in fact SOFT SERVE ICE CREAM - THE HORROR!!!!). Old habits die hard. Extra chocolate sprinkles, please.

Crazy cat lady

I parked my rental car out front on Tuesday night since I didn't bring my garage door opener. On the drive to work yesterday morning, I kept hearing what sounded like a cat meowing. Cruising down the highway, I figured I was crazy and it was either a noise the rental car was making or it was coming from someone else's car. But when I pulled into work, the meowing got even louder and I realized there was a cat under the hood. What in the HELL. By the time I got people out to help me, it had bolted inside the Mazda parked next to me (so we named it "Mazda"). After trying to lure it out with milk, water and Chipotle, someone finally called animal control and he was able to spook it out and grab it. It was a tiny little kitten - probably no more than a month old!!! So now Mazda is getting checked out at the animal shelter, and I'm sure one of the girls who helped get it out will adopt him/her. But holy crap the little thing cruised 25 miles with me and lived to tell the tale (tail). I feel like I should adopt a cat as penance.  Meow.

What would Particle Man say??

In an odd "worlds colliding" moment, I learned yesterday that the band who sings the "Hot Dog Song" on Mickey Mouse Clubhouse (don't ask) is none other than They Might Be Giants. So random.

Day from HELL

So I had to be at a work thing at 7:30am. Called Georgie's school before I left - no power, so no school. My mom has been super sick since Saturday and I insisted she go to the doctor. She got an appointment for 3, so I told her I would work from home after MY doctor's appointment at 1 (forgetting of course that we still don't have internet access so that was a total wash).
Got to work after the event at 10am and my car was being super sketchy. Took it in last week and the technician said nothing was wrong with it. Well, yes there is. Transmission light. Service engine light. Horrible shaking. So I called another dealership and the guy told me to bring it in RIGHT AWAY, do not pass go. So I was in the office for a whopping hour and drove to the dealership with bated breath - please don't die, little car. Got there, they thankfully had a loaner car for me, and made it to my doctor with 3 minutes to spare. Then home to no internet and a billion work emails. So now I'm at Starbucks where they thankfully have wifi trying to keep my job and my shit together.


GAAAAAAAAAAH

I've got the power

We lost power for about 24 hours, and let me just say I don't know how people post-Hurricane do it for weeks (or years, ahem Puerto Rico). Aside from the annoyances like no TV (thank god it's back on before the Bachelorette airs, amirite), going to bed because, well, there's nothing else to do, wearing your hair in a slicked back ponytail to work because no hairdryer, trying to sleep and it's just so damn hot, etc. - my BIGGEST beef was having to throw stuff in the refrigerator away. Stuff I just bought on FRIDAY. #curses
Could be much worse, I know. And so so glad to go home to an air conditioned home tonight! Where I can charge my phone! And ask Alexa to play Baby Shark! #firstworldproblems

Since when is 56 "senior"??

I booked a grooming appointment for my 8-year-old dog this weekend, and the notification said "Charlie - SENIOR." I mean, she's 8. Not 15. Sheesh. Guess it's like being considered geriatric when you're pregnant over 35. It ain't right y'all. She'll show 'em. Live until she's 18.

Car wars

Well, not sure if I bought a lemon or what, but my "new" car has transmission issues. Oh and 3 recalls. Took it to our favorite local repair place and they "don't do transmissions." So now it's at the dealership and I'm praying whatever the hell extended warranty they sold me will cover it...

Oh, and driving to the dealership I turned too soon and had to get back on the damn highway and go all the way back to where I started. It's been a DAY so far, I assure you. A DAY.

Calgon take me away

Was a true "single mom" from Saturday to Tuesday while my mom was in Austin taking care of my brother post-surgery. The weekend was fine, but MAN trying to get yourself ready for work with a toddler roaming around (I locked her in the bathroom with me while I took a shower, not gonna lie), PLUS getting her off to daycare PLUS rushing home to take the dog for a walk PLUS cooking dinner (hi, chicken nuggets) was no joke. I doff my cap to people who are truly on their own. It ain't easy.

NOT a Bachelorette recap, but some general musings (because of course I'm watching)

Okay. Alabama Hannah. She's gorgeous and kinda quirky, but she's so young it bugs me. Alas. My top picks are Golfer Garrett and Pilot Peter (and not only because they happen to have alliteration-able jobs), but if she doesn't give Luke P the boot soon I might go Beast Mode on the whole thing. Bless her heart.

Aw, poop

So Georgie now knows the word "poo poo." And says it a lot. Which is stressful - do you have to poop? Did you already poop? Do you want to poop in the potty? (No) Did you poop in the tub? (This happened yet again last week and was scarring for both of us) Why do you keep saying "poo poo??" And on and on. Don't be jealous.

WFH

I am able to "work from home" once a week. I put it in quotes because working from home with a toddler makes getting anything done rather difficult. She can like smell me down the hall. She knows I'm there, doesn't understand why she can't open the door, and it's super hard to work when I hear her screaming for me. But working those extra two hours when I would otherwise be driving to work is GOLDEN!

Come to papa

Georgie has met her grandfather (my dad) before, but hasn't seen him since New Year's. Still, she immediately started calling him "papa" (he was hoping for "Grandpa") when he was in town this weekend. So if you're keeping track, she now has a mama, dada and a papa. Oof.

We also do this thing at night where we tell her who loves her. Mama, dada, papa, Elmo, Abby, Cookie, kids from her class...and bee. She has watched this Baby Einstein DVD like 5 times now with a bee puppet in it, and she loves it so much she just calls it "bee." So yes, the Bee loves her, too.

Parenting: the ultimate sacrifice

That face when you learn your father sold a car and your grandfather cashed in his life insurance to pay for your private school tuition. 25 years after the fact. (Granted, the car was one my dad won in a tournament and didn't need, but STILL.) Ah the guilt. And the feeling that I should be making WAY more money by now to make all of that worth while.

Tiny Techie

Within 5 seconds (literally) of being around a laptop, Georgie manages to pop off the letter D key and turn the entire screen sideways. Annoying, yet impressive.

The swim struggle is real

So we (I) decided to do this work summer party at the local minor league baseball field. They have installed a "lazy river" on the hill behind right field, and you get to go watch a game and have food and drinks (including beer and wine) and then float around if you so choose. The CEO will throw out the first pitch, and I think it will be fun - unless no one wants to get in the water in front of their co-workers. Which I totally get. I really don't, either. So now I'm thinking I will open it up to families because certainly kids will want to do it...I hope??

Peach Pit

I am VERY excited about the 90210 "reboot" - although really not understanding what it's about. (Who cares, tbh)

The funniest thing to me: Steve Sanders has aged the best out of all of them. THIS GUY.

Anti-dentite

Have I mentioned that I hate my new dentist? It's one of those chain places and I think all they do is try to convince people to spend money. Example 1: they insisted I needed the gum graft surgery on the left side of my mouth. I finally got it and went yesterday only for them to tell me I now needed it on the right. That's a hard pass folks. Example 2: they keep trying to pitch Invisalign to me. I know my teeth have shifted, but I'm not doing this either. And I heard them making the same pitch to the person in the room next to mine. I can keep saying "no thanks" all damn day (just clean my teeth people!), but methinks it may be time to find another dentist.

Don't tell mom the babysitter's dead

(Side bar: how great was this movie, and what a terrible title!)

Used a babysitter for the first time on Friday night - wild night of going to dinner and drinks with my mom (!!!!) - and it was sort of a total fail. I mean Georgie is fine, which is the most important thing, but...

We used one of the teachers at her daycare, Miss Dorothy, who Georgie absolutely loves. She was so excited and surprised to see her show up at the front door! My mom and I snuck out without her even noticing, she was so busy showing off all her toys. My mom told her to put Georgie down between 7:30-8, and by 8 we were finishing dinner. I checked the baby monitor and it was still bright as day in her room (I only have a camera in her room, which I may be fixing after this). My mom said, "we can't go home yet if she's still awake - let's go to Al Biernat's for a glass of wine!" So we did. And I kept incessantly checking the monitor. No baby. No baby. We turned on the sound. No noise. Where the hell were they??

By 9 I was in a near panic. Georgie had never been up this late. No texts from Miss Dorothy, so I assumed they weren't at the hospital. Had she absconded with my kid? No barks from the dog heard on the monitor - was everyone tied up in the laundry room after a home invasion?? Sped home and sprinted inside at 9:30 - to find Georgie sitting on Miss Dorothy's lap in the living room, reading a book. Apparently since Georgie doesn't go to daycare on Fridays, Miss Dorothy missed her so much she didn't want to put her to bed. UMMMMMMM WHAT?!

I begrudgingly gave her $60 but I doubt she will be babysitting again. Unless she can promise me she can actually put the baby down! What in the world.

Hell no we won't go

I really REALLY try not to delve into politics. But sometimes reality bites and you feel like you're living in some alternate twilight zone universe and you're praying someone tells you you're getting Punk'd but actually you're not...

This abortion shiz is out of control, guys. Why aren't they holding the men accountable? They were there too...oh wait I know why - because it's a bunch of men making these decisions. (Aside from the obviously senile female governor of Alabama - I'll address her at a later date)

It just makes me so angry. And terrified. I refuse to go back to the 1950s. I can't and I won't. As a friendly reminder, being pro-choice does not make me pro-abortion. It makes me pro-choice.
There. Done.

Moves Like Jagger, indeed

Guys this is Mick Jagger. From THIS WEEK. He is like 75.

Brief Baby Brag

We have taught Georgie to smell the flowers when she sees them; the other day I was wearing a floral dress and she came up and sniffed me.

My mom said she was doing laundry yesterday and Georgie was "helping" get things out of the dryer. She saw a pair of my workout leggings and started shouting, "mama! mama! mama!" - she knows my clothes!!

Okay sorry brag over. This kid cracks me up on the daily.

Just your typical family

So my mom's grandmother name is "Gaga." Georgie calls her "Dada." Doesn't even try to say Gaga. It's mama and dada. Ohhhhh lord. I personally think it's kind of amazing and hilarious, but I do worry about when she's in school and is asked to draw her mom and dad - and then what - draws her "dada" in a dress cooking dinner? (Not that there's anything wrong with that)

Poor confused pup. Should be verrrrry interesting.

Mother's Day: starts and ends with poop

It was a Mother's Day to remember, that's for sure. It started Saturday night when, while eating dinner, I noticed my mom had something on her sweater. She looked at it, looked in Georgie's diaper, and realized she had an explosive poop that had ended up on her as well. Yay!

Then on Sunday, I took my mom and Georgie to brunch after church. We had reservations and requested to sit outside. There was another family next to us, and a grandmother and her grandson got seated after. The manager sat us and told us he would bring a high chair. We never saw him again. The grandmother and grandson were greeted and brought water, napkins, etc. As were three more tables that sat outside. Finally someone brought us a high chair. But no one asked if we wanted anything to drink. After flagging someone down, we ordered. I noticed the table next to us got a brunch menu and a kids menu. Neither of which were offered to us. Another waiter brought the food, plus food that we did not order, and still no napkins or silverware. My mom was seething and grabbed the manager to let him know. He apologized, got us some silverware, and said "Tiffany will now be your server. Bobby will NEVER be at this table again!" Then realized a waiter was behind him and said "I'm sorry - Justin will be your server!" First of all, who is Bobby. Secondly, it's your fault dude. By this point Georgie was over it, so I asked for to go boxes and luckily the manager did pay for our meal. (so yay - technically free brunch!)

The rest of the day was fairly uneventful until I was getting Georgie out of the bath. And realized she pooped in the tub. So....basically being a mom means you get pooped on. A lot. And I wouldn't change it for the world.

M-I-C...K-E-Y...

We're taking Georgie to the Disney store this afternoon for the first time. I fear we might not all make it out alive, especially considering her newfound obsession with "Mimi" (aka Minnie Mouse). Pray for us. And my wallet.

Promposal

Loving Prom radio on Sirius XM. This morning included "If You Leave" and "Get Ready for This." However, they do play "Macarena" way more often than they need to. Thank god that was after my prom year. #dealbreaker

You know you're old when

I am really loving my "new" (pre-owned) car. It gets such great gas mileage that I legit thought the gauge was broken. Why is it still saying "full??" Yay!

OMG HOW OLD AM I FOR CARING ABOUT GAS MILEAGE

The sweet smell of justice

My mom texted me yesterday that I had yet ANOTHER jury summons, this time for May 20. TWICE IN ONE MONTH?!?! What fresh hell is this?? So all day I stewed and steamed, and went home to take a picture of the summons to post on social media in the hopes of a lawyer friend helping me - only to find my MOM'S name on it. Hahahahahaha #karma

Beep beep!

What is it about buying a car that makes me feel like such a grown-up? I bought a car this weekend, and although not the first time I have done this, it still feels pretty cool to sign away my life. But I swear to god - can they not make the process a little faster? Three hours!! If there was a dealership that could get you in and out in under an hour, think how busy they would be! #justsaying

Also, it's my first rear-view camera. A girl could get used to this.

Picture pages, picture pages

Guys, my mom does the puzzle in People magazine where you find the 10 things different between two seemingly-identical pictures. Like in Highlights magazine when you were a kid. Does anyone else actually do this puzzle?? #smh

Dr Jekyll and Ms Hyde

We seem to have hit the terrible two's - 8 months early. Which doesn't bode well for the ACTUAL terrible two's. I think it has to do with Georgie getting frustrated and not being able to express what she's feeling - so she goes with a tantrum because that's easiest. But LORD. The guttural sounds that she makes are downright terrifying. Good times!

Stockton Nail Salon

Not sure if it's impressive or completely impractical that I gave myself a pedicure at 8pm last night, slept on top of my covers so as not to mess them up, and honestly do this once every two weeks because I get bored of the color so fast.

Side bar: If Georgie doesn't let me cut her nails soon, I'm going to have to take her in and get her a French manicure. Those babies are SHARP.

Moms, man

Had a big meeting today and my mom made me change my outfit FOUR times. FOUR. What am I, 13?? (I realize I didn't have to listen to her, but. Mom.)

At least the stress of this made me forget about the stress of the meeting. So thanks?

Someone pour me a martini

I'm supposed to bring dessert to a party this weekend, and randomly decided to make a Harvey Wallbanger cake. My mom used to make these all the time back in the day, so I didn't think anything of it. Then Googling a recipe, everything was like "70s era!" "vintage!" (plus it has booze in it...) - but hey. It seems very Mad Men to me, so what the hell. Bringing it back. (Apparently it was originally a drink - time to bring that one back as well!)

Bad Moms

The new screentime guidelines came out this week...0 hours for under 1, 1 hour for 2-4. Ummm Sesame Street doesn't count, right? Or looking incessantly at videos of yourself for hours? Or Snapchat??  (Yes, Georgie does all of these things.)

Sue me.

Bless this mess

Always fun at 6:30am when your kid grabs the box of Frosted Mini-wheats, shakes them open and sprays mini-wheat shards all over the house. It was seriously like a little snow storm - she had pieces in her ears.

But how was YOUR morning??

The bitch is back

So I am sort of loving Very Cavallari. I watched it last season and I'm still all about Jay Cutler (who is getting more hilarious as he drifts further into retirement and no-man's land), but I don't even mind Kristin anymore. Also, her body is ridiculous.

Plus it makes me even more excited about the return of the Hills. (minus LC :( )

A place of YES

Well, it was bound to happen - Georgie has learned the word "no." And she says it like we say it to her - very gently, "no no no." Sometimes while shaking her head. It's cute but getting a bit crazy.
"Will you give mama a kiss?" "No no no"
"Do you want to eat your raspberries?" "No no no"
"Can I put you down so I can go to the bathroom?" "No no no"
You get the idea. Terrible twos start earlier and earlier. (#yay)

Hallelujah

Every Easter, the choir at my church sings a resounding version of Handel's Messiah. Apparently they used to let "laypeople" up into the choir loft to sing along, and my wannabe soprano mother would go every year. Now the choir is so large they sit up front, so obviously no one else joins them. Except my mother. Granted, she didn't get out of her seat and go to the front. But she sang along, and sang her little heart out. Mind you, no one else was singing. I sort of looked down and shuffled a few feet away from her. But she had a grand old time and is already prepping for next year. Lord help us (literally).

I blame Delkus for this

Yesterday's threat of torrential rain and baseball-size hail caused a near panic - children left school early, we let people go home from work, grocery stores probably ran out of bread and milk (I kid, but only a little)...all for some thunder and rain around 2am. Oopsie.

Runaway Jury

Well, I didn't get picked, but I did get all the way to the "voir dire" portion. And I was on the front row, which apparently usually means you are getting picked. It was a cool process for sure (still glad I didn't get picked) - hearing from each attorney you could tell how they were going to argue the case (chiropractors are great! chiropractors are hacks! etc.), and it was all very Law and Order, Texas style.

This whole court is out of order!!

Well, no blog tomorrow because I am headed to jury duty. And praying I don't get picked. I feel like I have some options:

• show up in my pajamas
• develop some sort of "tic"
• tell them my uncle is a judge (this is actually true)
• yell quotes from A Few Good Men ("You can't handle the truth!")

Stay tuned...

NAPS FTW

May or may not have taken a nap on Saturday AND Sunday (an hour and a freaking half, btw) - when G napped, obvi. And It. Was. Glorious. I never nap, and I really don't know why. I guess I feel like I should take advantage of that time to get shit done, but MAN it felt good. #teamnap

Winter is coming, but actually it's basically summer

I might be the only person who doesn't watch Game of Thrones. I watched the very first episode, thought it was weird and very gory, so opted to go back to my Real Housewives. My poor mom is obsessed with GOT and even ordered HBO Go just so she can watch the final season. (I will take advantage and watch the rest of Big Little Lies)

Mother of dragons, blah blah

EYEROLLLLLLLL

I hid over 100 easter eggs around the office for employees to find. Three were special "golden" eggs that came with a prize. Apparently someone thought I was giving away Apple watches. Ummmm okay millennial. More like chocolate bunnies, okay? Sit down.

Holy high school memories

Going to see Indigo Girls Friday night! I saw them about 7 years ago, but every time it's like a flashback to the 90s and a soundtrack to my high school days. Closer to Fine? Yes. Land of Canaan? Ok. Romeo and Juliet? Yes please. And the best part? It will probably be all girls around my age in the sold-out crowd. Moms night out!

Mom of the Year

What do you put in Easter eggs when pretty much anything that small is a choking hazard? Cheerios!  #lifehack

Brackets shmackets

Sooooo who had UVA-TTU for the final? I have to say that UVA-Auburn game was CRAZY, and I mean you go Texas Tech. Why the hell not. I can safely say I will no longer be winning any of my bracket pools, but that's fine. Takes the pressure off.

It's the little things

...like figuring out that you can upload a giphy to your company intranet home page and it's super cute and moves and probably no one else even noticed but you do.

Cue the Law and Order music

Got a jury summons for April 16. Uggggggh. Someone told me I could go online and say that I had a child, and I would get released, but nope - they rejected it. So off to court I go. Please god don't let me get picked for anything. AACK

The tweenager in me is very happy

I found this nail polish at the drug store that you just peel off. It's glittery, so super trashy like I like, and then BOOM it peels off in one fell swoop. There is nothing more satisfying than that, so I am a happy girl (with very tragic nails).

Take THAT, scammers

I have received the social security scam recently - they have left several computerized messages saying there has been fraudulent activity with my social security card, and I am OVER IT. To the point where on my hour drive home yesterday, I called them 25 times in a row. A few times they actually answered and it was an Indian man. I asked to speak to his manager. He hung up. I called back and the call was ended. This went on for a while. He answered one more time and I asked to speak to his manager and again was hung up on. Then I guess they caught on and wouldn't answer my call anymore. But Jesus H it felt good to harass them like they harass other people. Assholes. :)

Maybe she'll be a vet...

This weekend Georgie met her first cat, her first bunnies and her first yellow lab. And let's just say it was love at first sight on all three. I mean OBSESSED love. Like following the cat around trying to get it to love her back. Laying her head on the dog. Laying her head on the cat. Laying her head on the poor bunnies to the point where I was afraid they were going to suffocate. (Laying her head on things is her way of showing affection. Especially to things that are soft and apparently living.)

She's nuts but I love her. At least she's not afraid of animals....

Bad idea jeans

Used my tax refund to get the living room repainted and new floors in the kitchen. Such a grown-up, no? But I didn't think it through. First up: painting. All the furniture is currently in the kitchen, making it basically unusable. The TVs are off because they had to unplug the main TV (although I drag it back in and set it back up every night because what am I, Amish?). The baby (and the rest of us) are basically trapped in the playroom. And I don't think they will be done until Monday. Le sigh.

Nail file, stat!

I have been seeing so many celebrity mom pics lately with babies and scary-long nails. Personally my nails are down to the nub - I am always rubbing on the baby, tickling her, etc. and would hate to scratch her (she scratches herself enough with her OWN nails, thanks).

Exhibit A:

Yow!

So tempting

I never watched Temptation Island before, but for some reason this time around I was hooked - who ARE these couples and WHY would they be willing to go on this show (aside from the obvious month in Hawaii)?? Last night was the finale, and (spoiler alert) only one couple made it out alive (aka still together). Not surprised. I WAS surprised that one guy got engaged to his "temptress" just 6 months after filming though...

#nice

Takes a village

I truly have the nicest neighbors. The man who lives next door had a stroke about a year ago, but he LOVES Georgie and is always bringing her gifts. He told me last weekend he wants to split the cost of her big girl bed. (I will not allow this, but what a kind offer!) Last night he and his wife called us over and they had bought Georgie yet another massive present, which they bought while buying a present for their ACTUAL grandchild's birthday. Plus a Ray Charles CD ("Georgia on my mind"). Say it with me: awwwww.

UCF!

What. A. Game. UCF v Duke - I really thought UCF had it at the end. I was yelling and screaming and somehow Georgie wasn't crying - she's a true bball baby.

I was thinking about how many brackets (mine included) would have busted, but how freaking worth it it would have been...ah well. We'll just have to beat them in the final.

Hahahaha

Scaramouche, scaramouche will you do the fandango

Finally watched Bohemian Rhapsody a few weeks ago - so good! Well-deserved Oscar for sho. Plus it made me want to listen to Queen for a few days straight. YASSSS QUEEN

Cough

So....turns out my "sexy voice" was strep throat. I haven't had strep since I was like 10, but okay. And my mom has a sinus infection and Georgie has a cough. We are one giant hot mess. On meds.

Author, author

Well, I finally did it. I wrote a book. Although not the book I thought I would write - a children's book. I am now trying to get a publisher (and an illustrator), but I'm excited! Would love to do this full time. And with some of the books I read to Georgie, I feel like how hard could it be. Seriously there's one book about trucks and the last page isn't even an ending. It's like "trucks are on the road!" And you turn the page and it's over and you're left feeling a little let down. (Clearly just me - Georgie doesn't seem to mind.)

Anyway - fingers crossed!

About to just pack up in the middle of the night.

I have to move. Right outside of my neighborhood is a terrible set of apartments where there are drug deals and gun shots and helicopters and homicides and it's just awful. I cannot raise a child like this. Last night I was awakened at midnight to hear 6 gunshots that sounded like they came from right outside the house. Followed by 6 more a little further away. Turns out someone was driving around shooting. Not on my street, but on the street over! What a nightmare. I guess that's what I'll be focused on this year. Getting the F out of town. :(

I mean, it's hot to sound like Louis Armstrong. Right?

I caught Georgie's cold/cough, and have basically had no voice since Saturday. Gotta say, it sounds pretty sexy. (The hacking cough and constant nose-blowing are not, though)

Reminds me of the Friends episode where Phoebe's voice sounds so much better when she has a cold...

Wait wha??

Last night my mom mentioned that her friend from Colorado and her husband would be coming through Dallas Monday-Tuesday next week.

Me: "Oh nice!"

Mom: "So would it be okay..."

Me: "Of course! Do they want to have dinner over here, or did you want to go out with them?"
Mom: "I meant they will be staying here."
Me: "Ah. Did NOT see that coming."

#mixedsignals

(of course it's fine)

Et tu, Instagram??

So totally thought it was just MY Instagram that was out yesterday. Although I guess it was weird that when I could check my feed, there were only like 10 new posts...I went through all the stages of grief:
1. Anger
2. Shut down the phone and turn it back on
3. Delete Instagram and re-add it
4. Throw phone against the wall
5. Relief when it was back up and running


Yes I may have a problem.

If you prick us, do we not bleed??

Georgie scratched her nose until it bled last night (she refuses to let me cut her fingernails) - and it bled so much. On her pjs, on her sheets, through to her mattress cover - I think this is the first time I have seen her bleed and it was fairly traumatic (I'm sure it was no picnic for her, either). I know it won't be the last time, but I trimmed her damn nails just in case. :(

Holy Desperate Housewives plot

This cheating scandal is crazy!! Paying for higher SAT scores? Alleging your kids were on the crew team so they would get into college? Lynette Scavo, you know better than that!

Farmer in the Dell

I mentioned that Georgie pants when you ask her what a dog says. She also says "mao mao" when you ask what a cat says.
"Brrrr" = elephant
"Pppph" = horse
(clicks her tongue) = duck
"hcht hcht" = pig
"mmmmm" = cow

None of which are the typical sounds you would expect, but none are 100% incorrect, either. What a crack-up.

Dylan McKay

I'm still pretty shaken up over the death of Luke Perry. Unless you grew up in the 80s-90s, you don't understand, but he was IT. The show started when I was about 13, so my friends and I were prime targets. Brandon and David were cute, of course - but Dylan? OH DYLAN. I am so sad and feel so very old.

That eyebrow!! I cannot.

Guessing he's still a virgin then

Well, that WAS a pretty dramatic episode of the Bachelor! And glad they didn't buy matching pajamas. But seriously - this show might actually end with solid relationships if the women weren't 22 and 23 years old. How about people in their 30s?? God forbid.

Overscheduled, thy name is Sarah

Saturday Georgie had her weekly class at Little Gym, and then we had an introductory swim class they make you take before you register to see how they react to the water. (Um she loves it, obvi) Plus squeezed in between there I had to run to the grocery store and take Charlie to the vet and to get a bath. My mom offered to pick up the dog before she had an apt that afternoon, but wound up not having time to come home first so had to take Charlie with her. Meaning it was a ridiculously hectic day. But it's hard - when you work all week, weekends are the only time to get stuff done and take the baby to classes. Apparently they offer swim classes during the week, even in the evenings, but I'm not sure that would work either. Argh - struggle is real. Might have to hold off on swimming until after the gym classes are over, but I feel like people do this and do it well? Maybe I just need more practice.

School daze

So daycare is like super hard to get into, and super expensive. So imagine my excitement when an old friend from my Chili's days (we're talking 1995 here) messaged that she is the director of a nursery school and they have spots available in the fall! PLUS it's half what I am paying now. Took a tour today, and YES PLEASE. Too bad it only goes through pre-K, but hopefully by then I will live somewhere with decent public schools...

#babysteps

A Star Was Not Born

Just when you think Bradley Cooper can do no wrong, you watch All About Steve. Yeesh.

Up next: driving

Georgie is like a little person, guys. Not a baby anymore. She says "mama" all the time (sigh), says "ba" (ball), "sh" (fish), "um," pants (when communicating with dogs), brings you books to read to her, can rub her belly and pat her head and do most of the motions to "Wheels on the Bus" - basically, she's an adult and I don't know what happened.

However, a 10-hour car ride (each way) was apparently a bit too long for her. And for me, tbh.

Scarves and mittens and hats, oh my!

We're driving to Santa Fe next weekend for a long weekend, as I was hoping to show Georgie some snow. And the forecast looks like we will meet that goal - it's going to snow 4 out of 5 days next week! Of course I went overboard and Georgie has not one, but TWO snowsuits, plus mittens, a hat and a hooded parka - come to think of it, she will probably be more weather-ready than I will. Time to hit the stores...

Happy VD!

Back in my day....

21 Savage has been in the news lately. And the main question I'm asking is, WHO IS 21 SAVAGE?! Similarly, Offset. Travis Scott. (I honestly only know who they are because of who they are dating.)
Clearly I don't listen to current music much anymore - Ariana Grande bugs the hell out of me, and Cardi B is fun I guess but meh?

YES I AM OLD

Probably time to dust off the old library card

Georgie is obsessed with books right now. Like, more than toys. All she wants to do is read books. Or more accurately, have you read books to her. She brings one over and backs up into your lap so you can read to her. It's fairly adorable, and I love that she loves to read. But after reading books all day and reading 5-6 at night, I'm getting a little sick of the books we have. So I went to Half Price Books yesterday to get some new ones. And ended up buying 20. Um. Not sure anyone has EVER bought 20 books at one time. Granted, most of them are board books and have like 4 pages, but still. Jesus take the wheel. And drive me to the library.

Girl could get used to this

So a few weeks ago my mom went to Austin for the weekend and I decided to get Amazon Fresh delivery instead of dragging the baby to the grocery store. And OH. MY. GOD. I realize I am late to the party here, but I could really get on board here. They had pretty much everything I wanted, and it didn't seem too much more expensive...

#laziness #greatness

Skeletons in the closet

I get why people are saying you shouldn't be held responsible for things you did as a teenager/college kid, but if you dressed in blackface ever, it's probably not cool. I was thinking back on my high school/college days, and probably the most scandalous picture would be me wearing a DUKE hat. Hahahahaha #goheels

Can't Stop the Feeling

Wait Trolls is really good. And not just because of the JT song. (Of course, that helps)

Virgin daquiris and bachelors

I know I have failed to write my Bachelor recaps this time around - it's honestly too much - but of course I am still watching (because, duh). Colton bugs me, but so do most of the ladies, so it's fine.

Front-runners: Cassie (who I thought he was just going to go ahead and sleep with last night to get it over with - get a ROOM, you two!) and Hannah G. I like Tayshia a lot too. Demi annoys, as do the beauty queens. But then I have to remind myself that I'm basically 20 years older than them, which then makes me want to cry a little.

Yay

Barn raising

Someone hit an electrical pole around 4am, causing my neighborhood to lose power. The power company estimates it will be back on around 2pm, which should make for an annoying day - at least it's like 75 degrees and not freezing (or sweltering). I managed to do the following this morning in the dark, making me think being Amish might not be so hard:

• put my contacts in and brushed my teeth by the light of my cell phone (okay, NOT Amish)
• worked out on the elliptical for an hour, figuring that even without power I'm getting some sort of calorie burn. And instead of watching TV I watched videos on my phone. (SO not Amish)
• walked the dog with a flashlight (can the Amish have batteries?)
• showered by flashlight and put my makeup on by candlelight (AMISH!)
• Rocked the wet ponytail because no hairdryer (don't own an Amish cap)
• Manually opened the garage door so I could drive my car (NOT HORSES) to work

And I'm exhausted. And it's not even 10am.

It's the PRINCIPLE of the thing

I have a "thing" about paying for apps on my phone - I basically won't do it. I have an Elmo Loves ABCs (LITE) for Georgie that is super cute but only goes through A, B and C. (Guess you have to pay to see the rest of the alphabet.)

I was complaining about this to my mom, saying "I mean it's $4.99!" And she said, "a month?" And I said, "No, just the one time." And she just looked at me.

Well then.

Princess Tinyfeet

Georgie had her first "injury incident" at daycare yesterday - she tripped and hit her head on the table, resulting in a nice purple egg on her forehead. When I called to find out what happened, the teacher said, "You know how Georgie is really clumsy?" Bless her heart, she IS. She falls all the time. Trips over everything. My latest conclusion is that her feet are too small for her body. Poor kid wears a size 6-9 month shoe. And she's 13 months. Oh lord. Grow, feet! Grow!

I simply cannot.

I post to the CEO's social media, and I cannot tell you how convinced I am that one of these days I am going to accidentally post a photo of my baby (or god forbid a selfie) to his account instead of mine! Too much pressure people.

It's WATCH what happens live, not listen!

Like many others, I am intrigued by Andy Cohen's baby shower this past weekend, where almost all the Real Housewives were in attendance (#goals, amiright?!). I heard him say on Sirius XM that there will be a two-hour radio special on Friday, with live interviews and info about the event. But I'm sorry - who has TWO HOURS to sit in the car or in front of the computer to listen to this? Why it can't be a Watch What Happens Live special on TV, I will never understand. (I mean - do I have two hours to waste watching the Bachelor? YES, YES I DO)

Molly, you in danger girl

I watched Ghost yesterday for the first time in like 25 years.The special effects and technology haven't aged very well, but it's still quite entertaining.

Could also be an excellent drinking game

Anybody have Bingo??

And this is why I keep coming to work

Suite tickets to JT tonight!

Ding dongs to the doorstep? Yes please!

Not sure where I've been (clearly buried in the sand somewhere), but I'm getting my first Amazon Fresh grocery delivery on Friday. Very excited - probably more than I should be. Also a little concerned that soon there will be absolutely NO REASON to ever leave the house.

So dope

Took Georgie to lunch at Freebirds on Sunday, and while we were in line to check out she grabbed this and started gnawing on it:

The guy behind the counter thought it was so funny he gave it to us for free. So Georgie got her first taste of chocolate. And no, there is no weed in it. (I may have checked twice)

Yippie kay yay indeed

So I watched Die Hard this weekend. FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER. Not sure why I had never seen it - it's actually pretty good. Although I do have questions about why Bruce wears a wife beater the entire time. Ah well - I blame the 80s.

Norm!

Listening to Sirius XM 80s this morning, and they played the full theme song from Cheers. I swear I had no IDEA about some of these lyrics!

Making your way in the world today
Takes everything you've got;
Taking a break from all your worries
Sure would help a lot.
Wouldn't you like to get away?

All those night when you've got no lights,
The check is in the mail;
And your little angel
Hung the cat up by it's tail;
And your third fiance didn't show;

Sometimes you want to go
Where everybody knows your name,
And they're always glad you came;
You want to be where you can see,
Our troubles are all the same;
You want to be where everybody knows your name.

Roll out of bed, Mr. Coffee's dead;
The morning's looking bright;
And your shrink ran off to Europe,
And didn't even write;
And your husband wants to be a girl;

Be glad there's one place in the world
Where everybody knows your name,
And they're always glad you came;
You want to go where people know,
People are all the same;
You want to go where everybody knows your name.

Where everybody knows your name,
And they're always glad you came;
Where everybody knows your name,
And they're always glad you came...

Particularly the line about "your husband wants to be a girl" - how very progressive!!!