You know you're a doofus when...

So I've had my car for about 6 months now. FINALLY figured out how to turn down the bass (had to actually look at the manual), and realized it has been cranked up to the highest level this entire time. My poor eardrums. #sodumb

Survey says?

People's priorities crack me up. As a survey company, we send out surveys to our employees often in order to gauge their opinions and get feedback. For example, we send out a global feedback survey after each quarterly Update Meeting. Out of 1300 employees, we tend to get around 110 responses.


And then yesterday we sent out the 70s Day Costume Contest survey to our Plano office. Out of 450 employees, we had 128 responses. Clearly we are focusing too much on business when we should be focusing on "who wore it better?"


Sidebar: the highest response we ever got from a survey was when we asked employees if the infamous dress was blue or white. #priorities

Bachelorette recap: Don't Cry for Me, Argentina

Well, my two faves are gone. And four out of the remaining six look identical, so I guess we know what JoJo's type is.


In Buenos Aires, Wells is the only one who hasn't had a one-on-one (although technically neither has tiny Alex, but he had a 2-on-1 so close enough). He's also the only one who hasn't kissed JoJo yet.  "Ironically," the date card arrives and says "Besame muchacho." So the guys pile on the pressure and poor Wells looks like he's going to hurl. They go to a Cirque du Soleil-type performance, and when writhing around in a pool of water he finally kisses her. She responds with, "You did it!" Bless his heart. But at dinner, all's not Wells that ends Wells, and she doesn't give him the rose.


On the group date, James scores a goal during the futbol penalty kick, but feels ugly and fat compared to the pretty boys on the date with him. And so he decides to use his precious one-on-one time to talk about a poker game he played with Jordan, and how Jordan came off as very "Jordan Rogers." JoJo asks what this means, and JT can't verbalize it very well, but uses the word entitled and celebrity quite a bit. So JoJo pulls Jordan aside and confronts him, and Jordan is not pleased. How dare someone attack his character (although it's probably 100% accurate)?? The date rose goes to Luke, who has such a passionate makeout session with JoJo that I almost had to fast-forward. Dang, son.


The final date is a two-on-one with Derek and Chase. Derek is confident, which doesn't bode well for him. After an awkward threesome tango lesson, JoJo pulls each guy aside at dinner. Derek opens up to falling for her, and their chemistry seems legit. But with Chase, she says she doesn't feel like he's giving anything back to her. So logically she picks Chase to stay and sends a broken-hearted Derek (not ashamed to talk about himself in the third person) home. This makes no sense to me. What DOES make sense? The amazing editing of Derek's limo ride, cutting from him crying to a woman serenading Chase and JoJo with Don't Cry for Me Argentina. CLASSIC.


At the rose ceremony, JoJo balks on sending anyone home and adds an extra rose so Alex and James can stay. Again, this makes no sense to me. Why is tiny Alex still around? He's pissed, though, feeling like they got pity roses, and demands a one-on-one date soon. Oh tiny. So small and so angry.


Until next time...

Dog days

Hosted a baby shower for my brother over the weekend. Fairly uneventful until I tripped over the in-laws' dog and fell onto the table before falling on the floor. And then MY dog pooped on my pants on the drive home. So maybe more eventful than I thought.

Giving new meaning to "splash zone"

When it's 100 degrees in the shade and you don't have a swimming pool, sometimes desperate times cause desperate measures. In my case, buying a $13.99 plastic kiddie pool with Shamu all over it. Not even embarrassed. #heatstrokeisnojoke

Bachelorette recap: rumors and getting struck by lightning while shaving

And we're back. And so is Chad. But his creepy whistle and Titanic-like swipe of the door is very anti-climactic. Basically he interrupts the guys' hilarious eulogy which included tossing his protein powder into the wind. All Chad wanted to do was semi-confront the guys, tell them anyone would react the same way (which all the guys denied), and left, probably sniffing out the protein powder in the woods.


Alex returns, and is hailed by all as He Who Triumphed Over Evil. But clearly tension still exists among the troops. At the rose ceremony, Canadian Daniel and Boxer James F are asked to leave. Daniel complains that clearly this wasn't about looks or body, since his is the best (in both categories). At least his ego didn't suffer, eh?


The remaining guys head to Punta del Este, Uruguay. (Where?? But clearly I'm not alone - none of the guys know where the hell they are, either.)


Wells is hoping he gets the one-on-one date, but alas - it's Jordan. The guys begin discussing this ex football player - from his signature hair flip to the fact that he's clearly the front runner. JoJo and JoJo go sailing, see some seals, and then settle in for dinner. Jordan admits he's falling for her, but she has some questions. She met one of his exes in Dallas - so clearly she knew he was going to be on the show and sought these people out - and didn't hear the best info. Did he cheat? Is he a typical athlete douche? (probably) He isn't too forthcoming, but admits to talking to girls when he probably shouldn't. He blames football for ruining his relationship, but he's not a cheater and he's ready for love! This is good enough for JoJo, and he gets the rose.


Meanwhile, Vinny conveniently has a copy of the latest InTouch magazine, which conveniently includes an article written by JoJo's ex, Chad (a different Chad). Chad insinuates that JoJo is really in love with him and is only doing the show for publicity. I'm guessing this is the first tabloid magazine most of these guys have read, but they all pass it around for posterity (and to please the producers). JoJo is also presented with the magazine and starts to cry WHY ME? WHY CHAD WHY? And tearfully tells the guys that she is in it for (say it with me) the right reasons.


On the group date, JoJo and her suitors go sand surfing, which looks somewhat dangerous and terrifying. Luckily it starts to rain and they move things inside. She has good chats with some of the guys, but Derek (aka John Krasinski - it KILLS me!) is feeling off. His one-on-one date was a long time ago, and he's getting jealous seeing how other relationships are forming. (Again, watch the show before you come on, fellas.) JoJo reassures him with a kiss, and tells everyone she's reassuring him by giving him the date rose. This doesn't sit well with Alex, who for being small sure likes to stir shit up. Derek feels ganged up on by the "clique" of Jordan, Chase, Alex and Robby, and his feelings are hurt, guys. Aw, Jim Halpert.


While this manly date is going on, this is happening back at the hotel:

Jesus.


Robby gets the final one-on-one date in Uruguay, and he is in love he's in love and he doesn't care who knows it! (borrowed from Elf) He tells her as much, explaining that after his bff died, he realized life was short and quit his job, moved away, broke up with his girlfriend of 3 1/2 years, and applied to be on The Bachelorette. This one's for you, bud. JoJo is enthralled by his honesty, so after cliff-diving and trying on fedoras, Robby gets the rose.


Derek is still seething about the high school vibes, and pulls "the clique" outside before the rose ceremony. The guys just make more fun of him and tell him his timing sucks. But it doesn't matter - Chris Harrison announces there is no cocktail party - only the rose ceremony. JoJo gets rid of Vinny Barberino, Grant and Evan (thank god). Most of these guys cry upon exiting. Sounds about right. Next up: Buenos Aires!! Viva Evita!

Ms Fix-it

There was something wrong with my refrigerator over the weekend - some power was on, but some wasn't, and the ice maker was leaking. So I did what every good child of the 80s would do - unplugged it, blew on the cord, and plugged it back in. And VOILA - it worked. Thanks, Nintendo!


Now if only that would work on my dryer. Because the latch broke off right after the refrigerator healed itself. It's always something, amiright?