Bachelorette recap: rumors and getting struck by lightning while shaving

And we're back. And so is Chad. But his creepy whistle and Titanic-like swipe of the door is very anti-climactic. Basically he interrupts the guys' hilarious eulogy which included tossing his protein powder into the wind. All Chad wanted to do was semi-confront the guys, tell them anyone would react the same way (which all the guys denied), and left, probably sniffing out the protein powder in the woods.


Alex returns, and is hailed by all as He Who Triumphed Over Evil. But clearly tension still exists among the troops. At the rose ceremony, Canadian Daniel and Boxer James F are asked to leave. Daniel complains that clearly this wasn't about looks or body, since his is the best (in both categories). At least his ego didn't suffer, eh?


The remaining guys head to Punta del Este, Uruguay. (Where?? But clearly I'm not alone - none of the guys know where the hell they are, either.)


Wells is hoping he gets the one-on-one date, but alas - it's Jordan. The guys begin discussing this ex football player - from his signature hair flip to the fact that he's clearly the front runner. JoJo and JoJo go sailing, see some seals, and then settle in for dinner. Jordan admits he's falling for her, but she has some questions. She met one of his exes in Dallas - so clearly she knew he was going to be on the show and sought these people out - and didn't hear the best info. Did he cheat? Is he a typical athlete douche? (probably) He isn't too forthcoming, but admits to talking to girls when he probably shouldn't. He blames football for ruining his relationship, but he's not a cheater and he's ready for love! This is good enough for JoJo, and he gets the rose.


Meanwhile, Vinny conveniently has a copy of the latest InTouch magazine, which conveniently includes an article written by JoJo's ex, Chad (a different Chad). Chad insinuates that JoJo is really in love with him and is only doing the show for publicity. I'm guessing this is the first tabloid magazine most of these guys have read, but they all pass it around for posterity (and to please the producers). JoJo is also presented with the magazine and starts to cry WHY ME? WHY CHAD WHY? And tearfully tells the guys that she is in it for (say it with me) the right reasons.


On the group date, JoJo and her suitors go sand surfing, which looks somewhat dangerous and terrifying. Luckily it starts to rain and they move things inside. She has good chats with some of the guys, but Derek (aka John Krasinski - it KILLS me!) is feeling off. His one-on-one date was a long time ago, and he's getting jealous seeing how other relationships are forming. (Again, watch the show before you come on, fellas.) JoJo reassures him with a kiss, and tells everyone she's reassuring him by giving him the date rose. This doesn't sit well with Alex, who for being small sure likes to stir shit up. Derek feels ganged up on by the "clique" of Jordan, Chase, Alex and Robby, and his feelings are hurt, guys. Aw, Jim Halpert.


While this manly date is going on, this is happening back at the hotel:

Jesus.


Robby gets the final one-on-one date in Uruguay, and he is in love he's in love and he doesn't care who knows it! (borrowed from Elf) He tells her as much, explaining that after his bff died, he realized life was short and quit his job, moved away, broke up with his girlfriend of 3 1/2 years, and applied to be on The Bachelorette. This one's for you, bud. JoJo is enthralled by his honesty, so after cliff-diving and trying on fedoras, Robby gets the rose.


Derek is still seething about the high school vibes, and pulls "the clique" outside before the rose ceremony. The guys just make more fun of him and tell him his timing sucks. But it doesn't matter - Chris Harrison announces there is no cocktail party - only the rose ceremony. JoJo gets rid of Vinny Barberino, Grant and Evan (thank god). Most of these guys cry upon exiting. Sounds about right. Next up: Buenos Aires!! Viva Evita!