The bitch - er, BACH(elorette) is back

Ah, Bachelor/Bachelorette programming. How I've missed you. My thoughts on last night's premiere...

1. Could these openings BE any cheesier?? Does Ashley have to dance around on stage by herself and pretend to be Rocky and swing on a swingset? I mean seriously, producers. LAME.

2. The first guy (Solar energy dude) who made the Taylor Swift heart symbol with his hands? No.

3. Bentley. Cozy. Is he not the next Wes. Loved Chris Harrison's reaction to his name - "What??"

4. The butcher is a mafioso, no? (Perhaps she should have kept him around after all...)

5. Sweet West the Widower. With his precious compass. Awwww

6. Ames is a bit of a braggart - 39 marathons? And like 5 post-graduate degrees? Easy, tiger.

7. William and his unruly umbrella. Awwww I heart this one.

8. Ashley annoys the crap out of me, but I will admit her dress was gorge. She giggles like a third grader, howev.

9. Mickey going in for the smooch - DENIED. Classic.

10. Tim. Awkward pauses. Perhaps he was already drunk. (So embarrassing, btw)

11. No more rhyming poems, guys. It's cringe-worthy.

12. Roth. A. I think she thought he said "Rob." And B. It sounded like "Ross" with a lisp. Bummer.

13. Weirdo in the mask. Really, guy?? And he got a rose?? Really, Ashley??

14. Why is this show so insistent on picking people up and twirling them around. I don't care for that. And I REALLY don't care for her being so surprised he could lift her. Um she weighs like 90 pounds. *I* could lift her.

15. Michael, excited to see the dentist. Awww he was a cutie. Kind of surprised he didn't get a rose - maybe it was his faux guitar skills that did him in? I would say him over the lone ranger any day...

16. Weird photo-taking dude. He was so just there to post pics on Facebook. Hilarious.

17. JP is a cutie pie cupcake.

18. 3 of the guys look exactly the same. One of them is Constantine.

19. The dude that called his mom. Ohhhhh no.

20. I also like New Orleans Ben. Ben the world traveller. Ben with a semi-British accent. And Ben with his cute posters that reminded me of Love Actually. Awwww

21. Loved that drunk Tim had to leave in a minivan. NOT in a limo. Dumbass.

22. Also loved the Phantom of the Opera-ish music whenever the masked wonder appeared. Seriously what is up with this guy.

Can't wait until next Monday...sad but true.