Bachelor Pad: If the Airstream's a-rockin'...

Holy twists and turns, Bachelor Pad fans! Just when you think you know, you realize it's the Real World and you have no idea.

But first:

Chris is a total a-hole. Of COURSE people lied to him about who they were voting for - this game is all about lying. Watch the show, man. Sadly we're stuck with this guy for at least another week, although he's compiling enemies like it's a going out of business sale, so fingers crossed...

In a surprise to no one, Blakeley's "VIP cocktail waitress" career was actually at Hooters. Which she proved by being the first to finish the completely inane contest of carrying six stacked teacups. I've been a waitress (at Chili's, not Hooters), and can tell you I would have been a disaster at this challenge. Even if I could have used two hands. Poor Erica Rose is terrible at this one as well - barely even tries - and complains to the camera that none of the contests have used her strengths. (Which apparently include shopping. Atta girl.)

Blakeley is also extreeeeeemely materialistic. And could it have been more obvious that her overnight date with Tony was NOT going to be the fancypants one? Nice work, producers. Instead, Lindzi and Kalon got the fancy date, complete with a Bentley and Neil Lane jewels, and Blakeley and Tony got...an Airstream and a Jeep. (Which actually looked like more fun to me, but I digress.) Another award for lack of subtlety goes to the producers for using Wes Hayden's song on the radio. Which just "happened" to come on when Tony "happened" to switch it to the country station. Brava.

And during the love song, it was smooching all over the place: Blakeley and Tony. Lindzi and Kalon. Michael and Rachel. Chris and Sarah. Jaclyn and...a seemingly passed out Ed. Ah, young love.

The Jaclyn-Ed scene is a bit of foreshadowing, as proven the next day when Chris Harrison flat-out asks what the deal is between them, and Ed throws her under the bus, saying he is NOT looking for romance (although nightly hook-ups are AOK), but she's a swell partner. Ouch.

And then the game is thrown for a loop: everyone votes to send one girl home, and the loser gets to pick the guy who has to leave as well. Oooooh ABC. Good one. So Chris tries to convince everyone to vote off Lindzi, in order to break up the Kalon-Lindzi pairing, although he knows she'll probably take Chris with her - ballsy! And in the other corner: Michael, who gets everyone to vote for Erica Rose and tells ER it's Chris's doing, knowing she'll take Chris down when she leaves. But don't bang the gavel for Miss Erica Rose just yet - in a wise move, Chris brings her into the voting room with him to prove he did NOT in fact vote for her, and when it's her time to go, she takes MICHAEL down with her! (gasp) Rachel immediately breaks down, and the entire group is fractured - the power couple is over!

As Erica Rose said, "justice has been served." (Bang gavel)