"Love is about straddling" and other Bachelor words of wisdom

Well, we got our first drunken nightmare out of the way last night...sayonara, Victoria. Good call on JP's part for getting rid of her.

The first date went to Clare, the girl who wore the fake baby bump on the first night. It was a cute date - producers created a winter wonderland and there was ice skating and sledding and of course hot tubbing. And a random performance by a guy I didn't know, complete with slow dancing in bikinis. As Clare surmised, it was "just the tip of the iceberg." Clever, producers, clever. Rose.

Next up was Kat, who got the weirdest date ever - a private jet to Salt Lake City, just in time to take part in the Electric Run, a 5K with neon lights and glow-in-the-dark everything. I enjoy athletic events as much as the next guy, but a 5K on a first date isn't the best. JP pulled Kat up onto the stage and gave her the rose, in front of thousands of screaming "fans," but somehow Kat felt they were the only ones there. Sure.

Then it was group date time, and another odd choice. Photo shoot for Models & Mutts, in an effort to get a bunch of adorable pups adopted (yay!). But the costumes ranged from bikinis to dresses to fire hydrants to...nothing, as Elise and the ADA (can't remember her name) got assigned to wear nothing but "Adopt me" signs. Clever Elise swapped with Lucy the Free Spirit who has been walking around completely naked the whole time anyway, but the ADA is freaked out. What will her job say about this?? JP sits her down and reassures her that he'll be naked too, so let's give it a go. Miraculously she is convinced that this is a good idea, and they snap the pics. After the shoot, it's pool time (of course), and Victoria starts getting wasted. She freaks out about her lack of one-on-one time and tries to leave, but producers won't let her because she doesn't have on any shoes. (But it's okay for Free Spirit not to wear any the entire first night?) She locks herself in the bathroom and is completely inconsolable. So JP gives the rose to Dog Lover (who did have the most unfortunate outfit to wear during the photo shoot) and visits V in her hotel the next day to give her the boot.

Before the rose ceremony, JP kindly visits with the women he didn't have dates with - the opera singer (I was honestly wondering where she had been - thought maybe she made a run for it), who apologizes for acting bitchy when she got the rose last time but still seems super not into it, Danielle who I didn't recognize with her straight hair, and crazy reporter Amy who makes a complete fool of herself but staging a fake interview with JP and I knew she was a goner. Particularly when she tells the camera how well she thought it went. Oof.

Amy and Chantel are given the boot, but opera singer still barely accepts the rose ("um, sure?") and seems to stir up some dramz next week. Viva.