(Dog) sh*t has hit the fan.

My apartment building is instituting some new policy where all dogs must be registered ($500), labeled ($25) and DNA-swiped ($50) so they can test the poop that doesn't get picked up and fine the responsible party. Um, seriously?? This is insane on so many levels. I don't really understand how they will be able to enforce this, although I think the concierge now has a scanner to detect if each dog has the special label on its collar. So I'm trying to come up with ideas on how to get around this. Here's what I've got so far:

1. Go out the back door from now on
2. If they can somehow see me going out the back door, go down the stairs. (And be late for everything from now on)
3. Make a little cone of shame for Charlie to wear when walking through the lobby and say she's been injured and can't be scanned right now
4. Go ballistic about "lasers" and say my vet told me scanners cause cancer
5. Smuggle Charlie in and out in my gigantic purse
6. Lower her over the balcony with a pulley (this was my brother's horrible idea, but I felt I should include it)

They have already had to bump the deadline back two weeks because people aren't doing it, so I'm hoping maybe it will just be a giant threat that looms but never actually comes to fruition.


Also - what a shitty job (pun intended) for whoever has to sample the poop!!