Bachelorette recap: The Men Tell All (eventually)

If you have not yet watched last night's episode, let me give you a tip: you can just fast-forward through the first 30 minutes. Unless of course you WANT to see a bizarre live sonogram of a very pregnant Ashley and JP's baby. What in the world kind of dress was she wearing where she could show belly skin all of a sudden? Is this some new maternity fashion I'm not aware of?

So good news everyone - it's a boy. Moving on.

The next 10 minutes was wasted with previews from Bachelor in Paradise. Which I will of course be watching (and blogging about), but I don't need to see all the dramz beforehand...

Finally it's time to talk to Andi's exes. Who were all wearing scarves, in a nod to the fact that there was a prevalence of neckwear this season. Oh, the sense of humor on these lads! While we're talking attire, I also noticed two guys were wearing mustard yellow pants, and at least three wore red:

Ames did it first, and really did it best - although Marquel is a close second. I also enjoyed the cookie on his lapel, in homage to his "cookie monster" nickname:

Chris Harrison dives right in, asking Marquel about Andrew's alleged racist comment. Andrew still denies he said anything, and it's affecting his personal and professional life! Dude - being on this show will do that to you anyway. No matter HOW much of an idiot you make of yourself. Marquel keeps his cool, JJ comes off a bit desperate, and Farmer Chris just seems hot awesome.

Marquel takes the hot seat, and claims had he known all the other guys were smooching on Andi, he would have made a move himself! Then he passes out black and white cookies to the ladies in the audience, following a plug about Bachelor in Paradise.

Marcus also takes the hot seat, says he doesn't regret falling in love with Andi, and also receives the BIP plug. We get it, Chris Harrison. August 4. We'll be watching. Sheesh.

Farmer Chris takes the hot seat. Emphasis on hot. (Okay, I'm done.) He wishes he had more time with Andi to show her what he's willing to do for the one he loves (intriguing!), and is then accosted by some woman in the crowd who says she has a question (can she meet Chris?) and comes on stage and plops down next to him. Props, lady. She then gets the commercial break to have a "speed date" with the farmer, and gives him her digits. On a Post-it. (All I could think of was the Sex and the City when Carrie got broken up with. On a Post-it. But that's neither here nor there.)

Finally it's time for Andi to come out and face the music. She has a few tough questions, including from some guys I don't remember, with a common theme of "what happened? why not me?" And she used the pat response of "I didn't want to hurt you, so once I knew we had no future, I let you go." Ah, thanks for clearing that up.

We watch some bloopers (more footage of the guys' dance party, please!) and Chris surprises Andi with the lie detector results that she ripped up before. Three guys (Brian, JJ and Chris) told the truth, and three guys (Marcus, Dylan - looking MUCH better with a haircut - and Josh) lied at least once. Andi wants to hear more. Marcus lied about sleeping with less than 20 women. Nice! Dylan lied about washing his hands in the bathroom, although apparently because he carries hand sanitizer in his pocket, that makes it okay, being attracted to brunettes and being ready for marriage. CLASSIC. But Andi doesn't want to know what Josh lied about. Interesting. Maybe it's that he's annoyed when she says "Stop." Because I know I am. No lie.

Chris Harrison also teases Andi about the pregnancy rumors - but she is not preggo, everyone. Which she cleared up later by posting an Instagram picture of herself drinking champagne. Alrighty then.

Next week is the big finale - Nick or Josh. Fingers crossed we learn that Farmer Chris is the next Bachelor. I might dust off my application for that one. #bringitiowa