The scene quickly turns into a rose ceremony, but no cocktail party - just time to boot some more of these idiots off. To do so, they hit Citi Field where the Mets play, and it's apparently freezing. JJ runs the bases while carrying Kaitlyn - assuming so he can go home and tell his friends he scored. HEY-OH. Clearly coats are not part of the production. These guys look miserable. Particularly Corey, Ryan and Jonathan - who get sent home.
The remaining fellas head to San Antonio for some fun in the Texas sun and lots of denim outfits thanks to Kaitlyn.The first date card arrives and it's for Ben H. They head to Gruene Hall to compete in a two-step contest, minutes after learning how to two-step. Because again, Kait is all about humiliation tactics this season (stay tuned for the group date!). They eventually get tapped out of the contest, but Ben is quite the charmer, somewhat opens up about past relationships (long distance = the devil), convinces her 26 is kind of old enough to maybe consider marriage, and lands the rose.
The group date involves a plethora of pinatas. Otherwise known as 10 dudes dressed as the Three Amigos:
Great TV right there. Of course, it's not all invisible swordsmen and Ned Nederlander: they have to write and perform a mariachi song for Kaitlyn in front of a crowd of strangers. (Hence the public humiliation I referred to earlier.) The guys get schooled (and then literally schooled) by a pre-pubescent marichi who tells them their muscles won't help them now. Give this kid his own show!
The guys are all fairly terrible, including Ian, who has once again bragged about being the best singer in the group, but Joe's "will you mariachi me?" is fairly adorable. And then Nick brings out the big guns, taking Kaitlyn upstairs to the balcony and serenading her without abandon. He's terrible, but endearing - like Cameron Diaz's karaoke performance in My Best Friend's Wedding. You want to hate him, but you can't.
But Joshua can. His hatred and distrust of all things Nick continues to grow, even after he lets Kaitlyn give him the Most Dramatic Haircut in Bachelor History. One side of his head is totally shaved, and the other side...isn't. As Justin puts it, he looks like he got his head stuck in a wood chipper. Yay. But Joshua isn't done - he takes his lopsided locks back out to tell Kaitlyn that none of the guys like Nick. (For those of who have watched this show for years, you know this is a very very bad idea.) Kaitlyn can't believe all the guys are lying to her, so marches in and asks them if anyone is being untruthful. Of course they all shrug and mumble, and she puts Joshua on the spot and even HE goes against what he just told her. C'mon man. Pull your head out of the wood chipper. Not a fan of the drama, Kaitlyn gives the rose to Nick. Much to Josh's chagrin. And much to Nick's glee. He confesses he might even fall in love with this girl. That's ONE...
The final one-on-one date goes to Gosling/Shawn, who we get to see in all his shirtless wonder when they go kayaking down the Riverwalk. Shawn has Joshua's back in the Nick situation, but is wise enough to know that he needs to talk about himself, not other guys. So he spills his sob story about being in a terrible car accident that he shouldn't have survived, and now he's so grateful to be here at all, let alone with Kaitlyn, who he confesses he IS falling in love with. That's TWO... and let it be known, Kaitlyn is so overcome with emotion that she admits to him that she feels the same way. Cue the fireworks. (Literally. There are fireworks.) And the rose.
Back at the hotel, Ian is starting to unravel. His good looks, Princeton smarts, athletic prowess, singing abilities and the fact that he too cheated death are all wasted on this Kaitlyn woman, and he's not used to going unnoticed by the ladies. He gets a LOT of sex. (He told us so.) He also reminds us several times that he would make a great Bachelor. Oh good lord. He's over it, and he's ready to announce it to Kaitlyn. Basically he knows he'll be going home anyway, and wants to be the dumper not the dumpee.
But before he can do any dumping, Jared steals Kaitlyn away at the cocktail party to announce that he too is falling in love with her. That's THREE for anyone keeping score. Well played, Kait.
And then it's Ian's turn. He jumps right in, telling Kaitlyn he thinks she's shallow, she just wants to get her field plowed and make out with guys on TV, and that he's better than the fart-joke telling guys in the house who she clearly likes. Just as it looks like she's about to slap him silly, we get the dreaded To Be Continued.
#dammitABC
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