Power trip

I'm planning the company holiday party, and somehow this year it's like my ideal holiday party. A cruise theme complete with a yacht rock band! The one I wanted was $25K, so that got nixed, but I found a decent substitute for $5K. Going to get captains hats for everyone, and although I really looked for a shuffleboard ("shuffleboard on the lido deck!"), I could only find the raised up ones you see in bars. Nope. So bring on the smooth sailing - here's hoping all the millennials that work here won't revolt.

#kriskristoffersonanyone

You know you're getting old when your mom gives you plastic surgery for Christmas

...okay, not really. But I am going to a plastic surgeon today to get my earring holes stitched up - Merry Christmas from mom! Somehow the holes got all stretched out and they look terrible (plus, statement earrings are impossible to wear - the horror!), so hopefully this procedure will allow me to get them re-pierced (does Claire's Boutique still exist??) and bring on the giant lobe-busters.

Maybe I'll ask for some Botox while I'm in there. Merry Christmas from ME.

My mom keeps calling it HOOF and mouth

Georgie had a fever this weekend, and we assumed it was teething (she has the bottom two, so the top two are probably next). But then yesterday morning I noticed a spot on her arm, one on her knee and one on her chin. Bug bites? Hand Food and Mouth? (dear god) I called the nurse and she said HFM, but no need to bring her in. Just let it take it's course. No new spots have developed and no fever since Sunday, so I'm back to thinking fleas/mosquitos/please god not spiders. Basically who the hell knows, but whatever it is she's back at day care. Sorry.

Circle of Life (cue Simba)

Went to a funeral for a high school friend's father yesterday. Super sad (and super awesome music selection - hello, Yesterday and Hallelujah), but so great to see so many high school friends come out and support. Some I see a lot, some I haven't seen in years. Sad that it takes a funeral, but amazing that you can just reconnect like no time has passed. xoxo ladies!

WFH FTW

My boss lets me work from home on Fridays now, and it's awesome. I wouldn't be able to do it every day because it's easy to get distracted with a baby around, but man it's nice. Nice not to have to be in the car for two hours, nice to take "baby breaks," nice to be able to give my mom a bit of a break. Hard to get motivated to get dressed, however (but I did, thankyouverymuch).

It takes a village

A friend who is going to be a single mom by choice (I still have a problem with that phrase, but whatever) added me to a group of other single mamas and we all met up for the first time last night. We are all around the same age, the oldest baby is 16 months and the youngest is 12 weeks, and most live fairly close to me. They are smart, successful (one pediatrician), beautiful ladies who all wanted to be moms. Most of us used the same fertility doctor and OB, both also women, and although I was the only IVF-er in the bunch, it was so great to talk to other people who understand what you're going through. (And yes, we all passed around pictures of our sperm donors to ensure we weren't raising half-siblings.)

Only surrounded by the best people, my ass

More Yuki please

This pretty much sums up Bachelor in Paradise last night:

Male model Jordan, wearing a ridiculous outfit, throwing a bday gift David gave Jenna in a fit of jealous rage.

Remind me again why I watch this shit??

Fashion 101

On this first day of school (for most), here's a brief fashion lesson.

How to wear neon green:

How NOT to wear neon green:

Class dismissed.

Bless her heart

My mom texted me yesterday: "Are you on LinkedIn? Apparently it's the new way to get a job!" Oh, mom. Bless it. I have only been on LinkedIn for like 15 years.

#eyerollemoji
#thanksanyway

We are working on the bottle thing, okay?

So Georgie is the only white baby in daycare. Which is great - diversity! - but the ladies keep telling us she fusses when no one pays attention to her, doesn't want to play by herself and can't hold her own bottle. All of which sounds normal to me - she's a BABY - but what if she is exhibiting the first signs of white privilege?? Like of course the white kid is the most high maintenance. Sigh.

The struggle is real y'all.

Bachelor in Paradise: it's getting coconuts

God this show is a beatdown. Becca talks Colton off the ledge, and he decides he has gotten the closure he needs to stick it out (or IN, heh) in Paradise. Bring on the fresh meat!

Jenna arrives and I have no clue who she is. Her hair is pink and she says she's an alien, so that helps. She's annoying, so of course she's perfect for male model Jordan. He ditches Annaliese and they go on a date involving horseback riding and making out.

Caroline arrives and is so nervous it's hard to watch. She pulls Grocery Store Joe aside but then has to pee, and never comes back. She ends up asking out Venmo John (yay!), and they get along well even though she is easily distracted by local animals, who she likes to name. Alrighty.

Jubilee arrives, also asks out John (my man!), and they both admit to being geeks. We finally hear John admit he founded Venmo, and it means he must have a TON of cash. My man!

Crystal tells Kenny he's in the friend zone so she can pursue Chris, who of course just got finished telling Tia not to feel insecure - no matter what new woman arrives, he is here for HER. But he is entranced by Crystal and wants to kiss his first blonde, so he does. This guy is not even cute, people. Not sure what's going on here. Colton finds out about this and tells Tia, because he doesn't want to hurt her. You know, aside from the other day when he told her he wanted to play the field.

Tia is pissed, y'all. She marches over to Chris and -

UNTIL NEXT WEEK!

Bachelor in Paradise: the white elephant in the room

Yes, someone said "white elephant in the room" last night. No, that's not a thing. It's white elephant. And elephant in the room. Come on people.

Colton is shaping up to be a virgin villain, and I'm proud of Tia for standing up for herself (sort of).

David tries to screw with Jordan once again, but somehow this Annaliese chick likes him. (Has she seen the golden undies, though??)

Poor Wills gets sent home - I'm hoping this means a shot at being the next Bachelor??

And for the love of god, get Wells and Yuki their own show. The whole "tropical" discussion was the best thing I've seen in a long time.

Reporting to sick bay

Georgie has another cold - boo. Bigger boo - took her to the dr on Saturday because I was afraid she had an ear infection (I still think that, but whatever), and he told me since she's in daycare I can expect her to be sick 50 weeks out of the year. (As a reminder, there are only 52 weeks in a year. Leaving a whopping TWO not sick.) Sure glad I pay for this daycare business. #eyerollemoji

My mom has whatever Georgie has (somehow I have managed to avoid it this time), and she finally felt better this morning after a rough weekend. She came in and said, "I feel great! Church this morning??" Bless her heart - she slept through Sunday and here it is Monday again. Bummer.

studying starts NOW

Just for shits and giggles, I looked up how much college costs these days. Answer: a LOT. (And I don't even want to factor in the inflation in 18 years...)

In-state at UT including room and board is $10K a semester, so $80K for 4 years. That's a STATE SCHOOL. UNC for an out-of-stater is like $50K a year. Might as well go to Harvard, amIright? (Yale, Duke, etc are like $75K a year, in case you were wondering.)

Holy scholarship, Batman.

Most Dramatic Bachelorette Recap in History. Also the Shortest.

To sum up the Bachelorette, Becca picked the racist (assumed) Trump fan. She claims she is anti all of that stuff, so we shall see how long this relationship lasts.

Milk musings

1. I have so much frozen breast milk in the freezer that my mom said she's going to have to start putting it on her breakfast cereal. Make that "breastfast" cereal. (she is kidding, of course)

2. Went on a date Saturday night. It was actually fun, until he drove me back to my car and I leaked all over his car. Y'all. Seriously. He had to get a t-shirt out of the back seat to mop it up. Amazingly, I did hear from him again. But I am so mortified I'm not sure I will be able to go out on another date. (Not that he has asked)

#futurechaptersinmybook

Ka-ching

Here is my latest business idea:

Also could add a version with "F@#%ing Baby on Board" to really get the message across.

Who, moi??

Finally watched All the President's Men last night for the first time (how very apropos for the current situation!), and when I saw the guy who played Woodward and Bernstein's boss, I yelled out, "He was in the Great Muppet Caper!" Poor guy - had tons more credits to his name, and yet that's how I know him best. #sorrynotsorry

Poops I did it again

(That's a little ditty I came up with for when Georgie poops. Which is often.)
Sorry I forgot to blog yesterday - I was out in the morning seeing a therapist for possible post-partum anxiety. (And she wasn't in network so it cost a whopping $185. I am clearly in the wrong field.)

I have these stress dreams every single night that Georgie is somewhere in my bed, suffocating in the comforter or has fallen off the side. Every. Night. I look over at the monitor and know she's in her bed, but I still physically get up and check everywhere, even picking up my poor dog. So that seems kind of weird, no? (I had similar kinds of dreams when working as a lifeguard and a restaurant hostess; not sure either of those is as stressful as having a baby, but clearly I am a stressed out kinda gal.)

Here's to more (free) sessions with a new therapist and learning to calm the F down!