Bachelor in Paradise recap: a yes or no answer. Or yes. Or no.

Coming back to work after a few days off means totally slammed and sadly I don't have an hour to recap BIP. So here's an abbreviated version - I think you get the gist.


Ashley I cries. A lot. (And yet somehow her fake eyelashes don't budge - impressive!) She's in love, Jared's not (at least, not with her), and she fears she's getting kicked off the island. Which is kind of true - she and poor Sarah don't get a rose since Canadaniel opts for the twins (one of whom - honestly can't tell them apart - plants a kiss on the Canuck for luck and clearly it worked). But Ashley refuses to leave this way, and somehow convinces the remaining couples to let her stay. Poor Jared is devastated - kind of puts a damper on his budding relationship with Caila.


And so does the appearance of Brett and his (magic?) lamp, from Kaitlyn's season. He came here for Caila, and asks her out. She says yes. And then says no. And then says yes. And then says no. I'm about to start fast-forwarding - this shit is ridiculous. If you like Jared, stay. (Since she apparently only likes him 75%, she agrees to the date.) Which turns out to be a double date on a booze cruise with one of the twins (seriously, no idea) and Carl. Who no one can remember. Best line of the night: Carly admitting she can't remember his name: "Kevin? Carl! CARL! Same as me."


But Caila returns and chooses Jared, much to Ashley I's dismay. (Because she's over it, but she's not really over it.) Izzy decides that Brett is her dream guy (with or without the lamp), and breaks it to Vinny that she is going with looks over substance (since she has barely spoken to this guy), because that's what you DO in paradise, peeps.


In other news, Grant tells Lace he loves her and some new guy I can't remember asks one of the twins I can't remember on a date. She wears short-shorts and they go horseback riding and all I remember thinking is ouch.


More tonight...sigh