Bachelor Recap: You can't go home again. (At least, Desiree can't.)

Hometown dates = crazy-ass families, putting the crazy-ass contestants to shame. Good times!

Up first is Houston with AshLee, who is tragically "falling INTO love" with Sean. (Really?) Her parents seem slightly overprotective - which is sort of understandable, given her background, but sort of weird, given that she is 32. Her pastor dad tells Sean if he dumps his daughter, he should thank his lucky stars he lives in Dallas and not Houston - yay threats! Sean decides to go there with dad, asking why he would let AshLee get married at 17. Oooooh. But he gives Sean his blessing, and AshLee gives the day an "AMAZING" stamp of approval. I foresee a verrrrry broken heart with this one.

Next: Seattle with Catherine. They seem to have adorable chemistry in the PIke Place Market, taking pictures in the photo booth, catching fish that are hurled at them (because that's what you want to smell like on a date: raw fish), etc. Catherine likes Sean's "big, beefy arms." Sigh. Then the date takes a turn when he meets her semi-disapproving family. Her adorable grandmother is smitten by Sean, but her sisters kind of suck, telling him she's moody, is only fun at first, and is a total slob, "but not dirty," explains one. Holy wicked stepsisters, Cinderella! Mom isn't much better, refusing to give her blessing and instead telling Sean, "let's see what happens." Ouch. Sean is troubled, but sucks it up in time for...

Fort Leonard Wood, MO with Lindsay. Seriously why is this girl still here. She brings nothing to the table, including cluing Sean in on how to address her two-star general of a father. (She suggests "hey you.") After an amusing warm-up, consisting of Sean doing push-ups and Lindsay yelling at him  not to kiss any other girls, he meets the general - who turns out to be a softie looking out for his daughter. Somehow HE gives Sean his blessing (and dog tags!), even though Catherine's tiny mom wouldn't. But every parent is saying the same thing to Sean - please don't hurt my daughter. He can only pick one, so CLEARLY three parents are going to be picking up the pieces. This makes my stomach churn a bit, although Sean is pretty smooth with the lines. "I'm not in the position to say 'I love you' right now." And Lindsay's mom falls hook, line and sinker.

But Dez's brother will not be swayed by these smooth lines. Back in LA, Dez first flips the script on prankster Sean by hiring an actor to play an ex who still loves her. She finally tells Sean it's all a ruse right after a fight nearly breaks out, a la "Don't put your hands on me, man." Her mom and dad are super cute and supportive, but brother Nathan thinks Sean is a playboy who doesn't love her. Say what? (I mean, he's 100% right, of course, but Say what?) Sean is perplexed and Dez knows her days are numbered.

At the rose ceremony, Sean is torn between Catherine and Dez - ironically (or not) the two whose families didn't support the relationship. Dez makes a final apology, basically saying she will disown her brother if need be, but it's too late - she gets the boot. Personally, I think Lindsay should have gone home, but maybe Sean's afraid of the General. (Or his car insurance rates. Hey-oh!)

Tonight: Sean tells all. Why the Women aren't telling all, I don't know. I really wanted to see Tierra and hear all about her engagement! Omigod! (sense the sarcastic tone, people.)