Hypothermia, fugly sweaters and teepee lovin'. (aka The Bachelor)

We head north to Lake Louise in Canada (so scenic, eh?) for round two of our two-night Bachelor bonanza. Catherine (who has her nose pierced - not sure I noticed that before) gets the first one-on-one date and gets to show off her sexy side in a giant onesie snowsuit - because they're playing on a glacier! Sean picks her up in a giant "snowbus" (not unlike "thundersnow") which he is apparently capable of driving? - and they do somersaults, handstands and bellyflops in what looks to be a biting blizzard. Good times. But Catherine is a good sport, and at dinner (in an ice castle with cheesy frozen roses - nice touch) she gets serious with a tragic tale of a tree that fell on her friend at summer camp and killed her. (I could make a tree falls in the forest joke here, but I won't.) Sean, a sucker for sob stories (and general sobbing), gives her the rose.

Next up: the group date, aka another chance for Sean to seriously injure the ladies. (What is the DEAL. We get it - you're outdoorsy!) This time, he wants them all to strip down to their skivvies and jump into Lake Louise for a polar bear plunge. At a degree above freezing, that lake is coooold. Selma says hell no, as she is an Iraqi who prefers the heat (although didn't she complain about the heat in the desert?? There's no pleasing this one!) - and I fear this could be the kiss of death for her. Sean WANTS you to almost die. Don't you get it?

But everyone else is game, and the let out girlie screams as they go under the icy water. Everyone is cold, but having a ball. Everyone except Tierra, who although she was the first one out of the water, all of a sudden has hypothermia. She reverted back to her "fell down the stairs" act, going unresponsive and smearing her mascara. Well played. The medic layers her in clothes and blankets and whisks her to...her hotel. Not a hospital. Interesting. Sean comes to check on her, and she's scarfing down a sandwich and has a freaking oxygen tube in her nose. COME ON PEOPLE. She also creepily threatens, "I was in a wheelchair. You BETTER marry me now." Dear god. He tells her not to push it, and heads to the swanky part of the evening. But we all knew she would show up, didn't we. Shoving her "nearly frostbitten" feet into high heels, she staggers out and gets even more one-on-one time with Sean. If he had given her the rose I would have thrown my TV over the balcony, but instead Lesley gets it. One-armed Sarah makes the fatal mistake of showing him pictures of her family and saying she wants him to meet them - and therefore Sean pulls her out of her hotel room and sends her home. Poor thing - her little sob speech to the camera rang a little close to home for me. Sarahs unite.

Dez has the final one-on-one date, and of course they rapel down a mountain. What happened to dinner and a movie?? Then they picnic and climb a tree (?!), and eventually end up snuggled in a teepee. Sean is wearing the most dramatic sweater ever (ok, or the ugliest), and now it's Dez's turn to give him her sob story - her family didn't have much money and used to live in a tent. Not unlike a teepee. Holy (clearly pre-planned) irony, producers. Sean being Sean, he loves it and gives her the rose.

Rose ceremony time - Selma knows she has work to do for bailing on the plunge, so she throws her Muslim conventions out the window and kisses him. Well played. Lindsay tries NOT to kiss him, but can't stop giggling so they end up mugging down. She BUGS me. A lot. And then AshLee pulls an odd stunt, having Sean blindfold her to show she "trusts" him, blah blah. Whereas all I could think of was "How very '50 Shades of Grey.'"

Daniela and Selma get the boot - he totally should have kept Selma and dumped Tierra, but clearly the producers like the drama queen and want to keep her around. Maybe next week she gets poisoned? (Or poisons herself?) Stay tuned...