Britt gets thrown off her game when Chris opts out of having a cocktail party before the rose ceremony. When will she get to hear him beg her to stay?? So before he can bid anyone adieu, she pulls him aside and gives him the chance to apologize for not giving her the rose at the group date. He instead says other girls have told him she was lying about liking Arlington (did he learn NOTHING from the Kelsey-Ashley debacle?? You don't TELL the girl that!), and his future wife wouldn't do that. So would she like him to walk her out. Ooooooh. Burn. Britt erupts into a heap of loud sobs, but manages to maintain the pretty cry, makeup (magically) intact. Some blogs are saying she's the next Bachelorette, but I kind of hope not.
Back to the rose ceremony. Chris tells the girls he had to let Britt go, but he appreciates being told the truth about her. Clearly doesn't mean it, because Carly gets the boot.
Hometown date time! Chris heads to Shreveport to meet Becca's family. They sit in a rowboat, a la Little Mermaid, and she tells him she has never been in love (even though she dated a guy for four years). If Chris didn't put two and two together that she has also never had sex, Becca's family cleared that path for him. From her sister telling him she had never been intimate with a guy and didn't like PDA (though she seems to with Chris, just sayin'), to her mother telling him they were all really surprised that she made it this far, since she had never done anything like this (or, well, anything) before. Chris puts his questions about future intimacy behind and takes Becca on a solo ferris wheel ride. Where they proceed to make out so much I think intimacy has been achieved. And now I'm done using the word "intimacy."
Chris next heads to Chicago, where Whitney (and, we learn,Chris' sisters) resides. She takes him to her office to "make a baby," and he kind of does. Gets in there, grabbing sperm under the microscope - if I was a patient hoping for a baby, I would be kind of pissed right now. Whitney shows Chris the room where he would "provide a specimen," and almost convinces him to do it. We are all relieved to learn she is joking. Later that night, Chris meets Whit's sister and close family (her mother is dead and she doesn't talk to her father). He asks her sister for her blessing, but she tells him to get back to her when it's down to one girl, not four. Touche. Whitney is embarrassed by this reaction so drops the L-word on him. And then her dog humps his toy. Which is awesome.
Next up: Phoenix with Kaitlyn, because her parents live there in the winter instead of freezing Canada. They begin their date like a bad Bachelor date - Kaitlyn makes him write and record a rap song, and it's as bad as you are imagining it would be. Takes him MANY takes, since white boy can't keep a beat. But whatever - he's having fun, dammit! They head to family dinner, and her family is much more laidback and cool, just like she is. She tells her mom she "hearts him," and ends the night by letting a sign do the talking: Kaitlyn Hearts Chris. Aw.
Last trip is to Nebraska to meet Jade's family. She wants to tell him she posed nude, but when?! How?! Her family sets it up pretty well: her brother tells Chris she is a "wild mustang" (cue Miley Cyrus' "Can't Be Tamed"), and her father tells Chris no man has been able to keep up with her before. Intriguing, since Jade seems so shy and quiet. It's always the quiet ones, Chris. Finally during some alone time, Jade starts to explain what she did. And it's the longest build-up in the history of time. Poor Chris is probably going, "What did you DO? Murder someone? Drug addiction? Grand theft auto?" But still doesn't see it coming when she announces she posed for Playboy. Nude. And he remains speechless when she offers to show him the photos. And the video. Oh lord. To his credit, he keeps his cool and tells her it doesn't change how he feels about her.
But clearly he lied (again), because Jade gets the boot at the rose ceremony. She is heartbroken, and honestly Chris looks pretty bummed too. She spilled her guts to me (and showed them to me - HEY-OH), and I threw it away. Dry those tears, farm-boy: you're headed to Bali! Aka Virgin in the Fantasy Suite. Let's do this.
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