On a walk yesterday, I was stalked by a bird. Really hope no one was watching, because I kept panicking and looking around as it followed me in a nearby bush. Almost broke into a run. Which brings up two things:
1. One of my biggest fears is that I'm driving down the road with my windows open and a bird flies into my car. I cannot even IMAGINE what kind of accident I would get in. I CAN imagine screaming at the top of my lungs, and either swerving like a maniac or just going with my gut and throwing myself out of the moving vehicle. I'm sorry - but birds are horrifying. What if it started pecking at my eyes?? Yeesh.
2. A few years ago I was stalked by a squirrel. Perhaps a rabid squirrel. In my old apartment, we had lockboxes mounted outside on the wall where we would pick up our mail. One day I went to get my mail, and as I was turning the key I saw something in the corner of my eye. Turned around to see a FREAKING SQUIRREL, lying there on the top of the lockboxes. It just laid there, blinking at me. (Obviously something was wrong with it, but I didn't have time to bust out my veternarian skills.) I screamed bloody murder (this is a theme with me, obvi) and sprinted back into my apartment. The next day, I came home to find the same FREAKING SQUIRREL lying on the stairs leading to my apartment. I frog-leaped over it and ran back inside. My mom came over to visit, and hours later, it was dark out and she was walking down the stairs and SHE screamed. She stepped on the damn thing, still lying on the step. So we took a broom and shot it into a bush. How girly. And then the next day, FREAKING SQUIRREL is back, this time underneath my bottom step. I swear it could smell my fear. Convinced it's now angry and waiting until I step down to bite me and infect me with rabies, I finally called animal control and they "took care of it."
And now I'm thinking about the classic "Squirrel!" scene in the best movie ever, Christmas Vacation.
Wow that was a long tangent. Sorry.
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