Bachelor recap: "Stayin' classy" with the black bar. And lots of making out.

The Bachelor may have finally jumped the shark by adding Jimmy Kimmel to the mix, but I for one found it incredibly amusing. He started things off by waking Chris from his shirtless slumber and he's clearly confused and "what the f--k" have I gotten myself into. I rather enjoyed it. Then Kimmel does two things we have all wanted to do for many many years - calls the women "sister wives" - AND creates an "amazing" jar where each time a woman (or Chris) says amazing, they have to put in a dollar. Needless to say, the jar was overflowing by the end of the episode. And the constant "ka-ching" sound when anyone said it was greatness.

Kimmel is in charge of the dates this week, so the first one-on-one goes to Kaitlyn. The date card says they will be going to an exclusive club, which turns out to be Costco. Thank you Jesus. I personally have had a great date at Costco, so I know it can be done. Kimmel instructs Chris and Kaitlyn to buy supplies to cook him dinner that night - including "enough ketchup to fill a hot tub." They oblige, and have one helluva good time rolling down the aisles in a giant inflatable ball (which they also made out in - and I was getting claustrophobic for them). They have more makeout sessions before Jimmy comes over, and realize that Chris has a girl laugh, and Kaitlyn has a man laugh. This is a true statement, people. Kaitlyn's manliness continues as she tells Kimmel she is fine with Chris sleeping with other girls on the show because "you can't take a car out without test driving it first." Cue the threesome jokes and all three of them in the hot tub together.

The group date is next, and Britt, Jillian, Becca, Tracy, Mackenzie, Kelsey, Amber, Ashley S, Juelia, Samantha, Nikki and Carly are ready to try their luck - and their best "that's what she saids" - with some barnyard animals. The ladies must shuck corn, grab eggs from a chicken coop, crack the egg (without breaking the yolk - sorry, Mackenzie), milk a goat and drink the milk, shovel manure and wrestle a greased pig. Holy farmer stereotyping. This little "race" made for lots of innuendo - from Carly showing us how she milks the goat by making some inappropriate hand gestures to Amber, who complains, watching Kelsey struggling to drink the goat milk: "I don't like warm, salty things in my mouth." HEY-OH

Carly beats out the ever-competitive Jillian, once again in shorts so tiny they require a black bar on her ass, and ironically in a shirt that says "Stay Classy." But poor Carly doesn't win a one-on-one date; only an opportunity to pose with Chris in the American Gothic painting. I preferred the one of Chris and Jimmy.

The second portion of the group date should be brought to you by Colgate, since there is more making out than I was comfortable with. From Carly, telling Chris she's really girly but "you're a man, I'm a woman..." and pouncing on him, to Mackenzie, pulling a SNL Chris Farley with "remember that time we kissed?" and then turning the tables with a "why are you kissing everyone else?!" AACK cue the psycho song. Chris doesn't do well in these pressure convos, btw. Lots of nervous giggles and sweating. Nice. But he does shine in the making out arena, as he also manages to kiss Amber and Jillian - but NOT Becca. She gets pretty close, but decides to tell him she doesn't want to rush things. I'm thinking she will be getting the boot for not getting booty, but he instead gives Becca the rose. Well played, B. And excellent reaction face by Ashley S - which, it has to be noted, is the only crazy thing she has done on this date. Sobreity does not make for good TV.

The last date card goes to Chipmunk-voiced Whitney, and she and Chris are wearing matching pink outfits. She tells Chris that she makes friends with people at the airport, and then becomes Facebook friends with them. I find this sad; Chris is intrigued. They decide to crash a wedding that is coincidentally going on behind them. I find this very hard to believe that A. it would just happen to be at the same time and 2. that not one person at the wedding would recognize him. So I'm choosing to think that Nick and Shannon are related to a producer, or work on the show, or this whole thing is a bunch of actors. Regardless, it's a very fun date - although I prefer to wedding crash with Vince Vaughn - and lots of kissing results. Whit doesn't snag the bouquet, but she does get the rose, and both Whitney and Chris even get misty-eyed thinking about their own future wedding....#foreshadow??

A nice shower scene ensues, starrring Chris and...Jimmy. They've got each other's backs. With a loofah. Can Jimmy be on every episode? No cocktail party before the rose ceremony, which bums Ashley I. out because she wanted to get all "Kardashian-ed." Ohhhh no. But instead? POOL PARTY! (Thanks Megan) Which of course means black bars on Jillian's butt and then lots of tears. From Juelia, telling her very sad husband-suicide story, to Ashley I., whining because Jillian's ass overstayed its welcome in the hot tub (how DARE she). But Ashley gets a full-on makeout sesh (literally they almost fall off the roof), as does Jade (in Chris' bed! Damn girl! With her boob out and not black barred!), Britt (who won't even let Chris finish his sentence, poor bastard), and Jillian again.

Rose ceremony time, and Amber, Tracy and Trina are sent packing. I don't even remember who Trina is.

Off to buy a Stay Classy shirt...